sleepie

I just got criticized, pretty much yelled at and walked out on AGAIN for taking meds. By someone who has NO IDEA what it's like for me to have made this concession to begin with, and what it was like to live untreated. I have told this individual I have Tourette's Syndrome- a MAJOR source of humiliation for me growing up, ridiculed by my own family- they would even do things to set off the tics so they could all have a laugh... OCD and ADD not to mention anxiety and depression all go hand in hand with this disorder, quite commonly. At this point, I don't even know what to say. I have 12 days sober. He is on day three. I was kind enough not to point out that his drinking is nothing less than self medicating. He is convinced that I just need to run off and ski in the mountains or go paint on a beach in Spain. Really? Who DOES NOT want to live like that? Just because his situation has been different than mine and he has been able to live a freer life style- he thinks he is all knowing when it comes to how others need to live. He was not burdened with a student loan as I was for 13 years. That in itself limited my freedom. I've never had a well paying job to afford me much freedom or mental health treatment BECAUSE of the OCD (I suffer from a hair pulling disorder as well- it demolished my self esteem and I have many times avoided better jobs and many social situations because of it) and also depression- which I was too numb to even recognize until I was lying in a bathtub drunk, on xanax and had opened myself with a razor. Because I had a traumatic upbringing- no that it makes me special or different but it affected my ability to work in the world and I have been WANTING help for many, many years- thanks to our wonderful health care system here in the USA I had to be jobless and institutionalized before it was deemed appropriate that I obtain affordable mental healthcare. It's been a long hard road to get here and I can't even wrap my mind around someone I've just met telling me how I should be doing things. I'm sick of it. I'm sick to death of arrogance. And I am so beyond tired of people telling me that there's nothing wrong with me- because they are judging what they see and know nothing of what I HAVE LIVED.

Ceres

((hugs))

It will be very, very, hard for another addict/alcoholic to handle being with someone who takes strong meds (is that what he was upset about?). Doesn't matter if you need them for the disorder. They'll get ticked, triggered, and they will pout that it's unfair.

Probably best if he's gone. Although it might not feel like it.

Are you going to be able to switch to non addictive meds, or are you stuck?

sleepie

Yes, he always brings that up- I have the benefit of meds and he doesn't. I didn't always have these things available. He could WELL go get some but he rants against "Big Pharma"- that's what he loves to get on the soapbox about. Eventually, I would like to be med free. But right now, for the first time in my life I have access to the things that will hopefully get me to a point where I can try to handle these issues with more natural approaches. but if it gets me out of bed and I don't sleep for 14 hours a day and overdose on ambien because I can't bear to be conscious? Yes- I'll take the meds for a bit as a kick start.

Dee74

Hey sleepie

Everyones got an opinion - doesn't mean we have to listen to them all...

My own personal credo is beware of people with self appointed medical or psychiatric diplomas

My problems are only physical ones, but I try to listen to my Drs - they're the real experts

12 days is a great start - you must be doing something right, Sleepie.

D

sleepie

I know people have their opinions Dee- however at the same time I would appreciate it if my life experiences and decisions were respected, at least. And an opinion is one thing but to tell someone what they should do is another. I am doing a number of things right, thank you

endzoner

Seems with someone like that in your life , is it really worth it ? are you that heavly involved in this persons life ? can you see yourself in this same situation 5 yrs from now ?I dont think that ones a yes ... keck his butt to the curb , either hes gonna support you and work HIS own recovery and let you work YOUR own recovery or send him packin and this way you dont have this added stress in your life , cuz thats exactly what it seems to me , lonly sure , but it dont mean you have to be belittled and cross examined for your actions of workin our your self , huggles

sleepie

I didn't say I would miss him. I'M my priority. The rest can feck off. I have a zero tolerance police, adopted after a situation this winter with two very questionable individuals. He's been calling, emailing and texting all afternoon and left a voicemail. Not one was to offer an apology. And you know what? I don't care. I am not undeserving of some effort towards understanding where I'm coming from and I'll happily live and die alone before suffering one more moment with any thick headed egomaniac. And I will be enjoying a peaceful, yes- Ambien (BIG PHARMA) induced sleep tonight so I can be fresh for my temp job tomorrow- hangover free on day 13.

Ceres

Well good! Now we'll know you'll be fine 'cause

"No dating your first year!"

<well, it's suggested anywhoo> ;-)

sleepie

Wise words, Endz. I never thought of it as "working my recovery". I have a chance to do so, finally- maybe he's angry that I'm making progress... He really is a true alcoholic, I haven't actually been close to one before but this guy has literally no control. I feel bad for him and would support his efforts, but not at the cost of my own well being.

Bamboozle

When people butt into my life I find that sarcasm works well. Take what D said and be a real smartass about it.

Walking away every single time he approaches you is another way.

Looks like he needs a hobby.

sleepie

Okay.... today, I have slept all afternoon. I cancelled work. I have called my therapist three times since two or three days ago when I felt all of this coming on. She just returned my call. I still don't feel better though and I am crying. I am upset. I cannot concentrate. My OCD brain is telling me that I am a total loser for not being able to hack it without synthetic brain chemicals and ruminating on everything that is wrong with me. It's NOT about this guy- I want that to be clear. What it IS about is this: How can people be so horribly insensitive? I often go into an OCD spiral over this. Why don't I count? Why do my feelings/thoughts/emotions/ not matter? I am not well today.

Ceres

When I read that it reminded me of something I read in codependent no more - I did a study on it - So I went back and found the chapter. I hope you find it useful. I did!

------------------------
Synopsis:

Codependents are locked in the horror of indecision, Melody Explains. We have a hard time trusting our minds when it comes to ourselves. Choices can paralyze us. The purpose of this chapter is to have us see that we're capable of making good, healthy decisions.

It's no wonder that we do not trust our brains. We've lived with lies, denial, chaos, stress low self-esteem, etc... We tend to think that if we make the wrong choice, they'll be no second chances. That the fate of the universe sits upon that one decision. Our minds are often tired from anxiety, worry, and obsession. We may have been taught at a very early age that we can't think for ourselves or had parents that made decisions for us. We may be in a house right now with people who directly or indirectly tell us we can't make good decisions.

In order to make healthy decisions, we'll need to really pay attention to our needs and wants. Something we're pro's at suppressing. We'll need to remember also that we are entitled to our opinions. We can evaluate our situations and behavior, see what it is we want and need, we can figure out what our problems are. Making decisions can be frustrating, but that is just part of the process. Our decisions don't need to be perfect or 100% right. We can make mistakes! It's not a big deal! It's simply part of living.

We're also allowed to change our minds, then change them back again if we want. We're allowed to go back and forth even. This is often normal and necessary. Melodie lists the following suggestions to help us gain confidence with our mental abilities:

(Paraphrased)
Treat our minds to some peace. Detach and get calm. Find some peace before considering an opinion.
Ask god (or the Higher Power of your own understanding) to help us think. Ask for inspiration and guidance.
Quit abusing our minds. Worry and Obsession are two examples of doing this.
Feed Our Minds Data. Give our minds information so we can sort through the data and make informed decisions.
Feed our minds happy and healthy thoughts. Take part in activities that lift the spirit. Read meditative literature everyday.
Stretch our minds. Take an interest in the world. Documentaries, books. Live less in our own heads.
Quit saying bad things about our minds. "I'm stupid" "I can't make right decsions". Replace with "I am strong and able"
Use our minds. Make decisions. Formulate opinions and express yourself. Be creative. We need to think things through without obsessing. We will not let people make our choices for us. This will lead to being rescued and have us feeling like victims. We are nobody's victims. We will gain confidence. We will allow others to make their own decisions and in turn, we will all grow.

Activities (paraphrased):

1.) Who makes your decisions for you and how do you feel about it?

2.) Was there someone important to you who told you you're incapable of making decisions? Who was it?

3.) Do one thing daily to improve your mind. Read newspaper or magazine articles and form an opinion on the subject. Perhaps you'll want to take a risk and tell someone your opinion on that matter and have a healthy debate.

Bamboozle

You do matter here. And I am sure there are people in your life who know that you matter and care about you.

Please hang in there.

I just got a med switch and it seems to be helping.

I'm sure you know there is a major world of difference when the meds aren't working vs. when the meds are working. I can't function when my meds don't work. I find that when I'm on the right meds many negative thoughts go to the wayside and don't have nearly as strong of an impact. It's hard for me to remember this when my meds don't work.

It's hard for me to get people, who don't have this problem, to understand that how they feel is not my default. How I 'normally' feel is much lower. It's frustrating the things that people say...because they operate under the illusion that they are in control of their mental wellbeing. Their chemicals are working just fine...and unless that ever changes for them they will never be able to understand and they will continue to think that we are a bunch of whiners. We know we are not a bunch of whiners. We know we are not lazy. We know we have legitimate mental illnesses/disorders/conditions that make normal life extremely difficult.

I hope you can get all of this sorted out with your therapist and doctor.

Please take care of yourself, hon.

sleepie

Thanks. Today was really rough but I did not drink.