Live

We have people who are specifically assigned to welcome newcomers and there are such a flood of them everyday. Check out the number of members versus the number of guests at any given time. The people who responded to your post in the f&f forum were on the money but they did not know that you have an illness which is not being treated right now. So, it is that kind of thing, that as duet said, makes me reluctant. First and often I may not know anything about that person's problem or situation. There is a post here in mental health but the title mentions ecstasy and I don't know the slightest thing about that. That person hasn't many responses. But if you title your post Help or Crisis or such as that, it will get attention, tho it may take sometime. There are alot of time zones! Such as Hippy is probably 8 or 9 hours different! The East Coast and West Coast has several time zones between it. But yes, I know what it feels like to be almost beside myself and there is no one on.
I hardly get responses, because it's always the same story different day, my mental illness is monotonous and everyone has all ready replied at one time or another.

But anytime I can spend not living in my illness is a GREAT day!

I got photos from Thailand in my e-mail today and more importantly a video of that new grandson crawling all ready!

Cindi, I am starting to get a soft spot for your animal population! I can't believe it's me saying that! LOL But actually I have always liked to examine critters but then turn them loose. I wanted to catch a lizard to watch but hubs wouldn't let me. He said it would be cruel. I still want to, I would turn it loose, I just want to do some scientific observing for awhile.

My daughter has a red fox who has made her yard part of his home. I am so jealous! I was given a corpse of one onetime that had been hit on the road and was still intact and I was so excited! Perverse? I wanted the fur. But I wouldn't kill one. But I have a couple of minx corpses hanging on top of a leather curtain. Leather and fur fetish. But not to kill for the skins, I only respect hunting for meat. For me, animals that are killed only for trophy mounts are an obsenity. The minx are a contradiction, I know...but I picked them up in a junk/antique store.

Rambling.....or rather, just chatting...as if we were gathered around getting to know one another.

nandm

Quote:

Originally Posted by BUTTERFLY-7

u So very much Liveweyerd your advice is much need it, and appreciated, I just Finishing posting in the Family&Friends Forum,Because you or History Teach and Best, &Done with it, are the only ones that Reply to my threads, no need to get offended for those that are reading this thread I'm expressing what I feel and have notice, Liveweyerd go see my threads Hardly nooned answers me I'm not looking for sympathy, nor Pitty,or acceptance, but I'm Human too and I also need support, and advice, ......

Butterly, I am so sorry that you feel I have not responded to your posts. If this has been the case, I do appologize and have to say it has been nothing personal. I have been rather busy over the past month with the Spring term starting and midterms going on this week. I also like anyone else can and do get caught up in my own life and problems. I have also recently gone through a very rough time with my BP cycling rather quickly and drastically which is not something it has done in my sobriety. It has been a very frustrating and discouraging time for me. I know these things sound like excuses but I have not replied to a lot of threads recently.

I do tend to read through many of them and if it is something I can directly relate to right at that moment and have the time to respond I do. I also try to make a point to welcome the newcomer as that is part of the service work I do here. I try to respond to threads where people feel discouraged and help to give them hope when I have experience in the matter to share. Unfortunately some of the posts I have read from you are not things I have experience with that has resulted in my just reading and moving to the next post. I will try to make a point to at least say I read your post in the future so you will see that I do care and wish you the best in what is going on as I do not want anyone to feel unwelcome or uncared for here. We are all in this boat together, that is one reason I started the BP Town thread to help pull our conversations together and give us all a single place to come and share our daily lives. Take care and keep on posting.

BUTTERFLY-7

U Nandm and I'm for any misinterpretation I feel very alone on this sober recovery journey and then been Bipolar. I never Meant to offend any one and I fail to understand that there are other cases, and that you guys are busy trying to put your life's back on track, Please forgive me I'm just so lonely, and try to understand this disease.

nandm

(((((((((Butterfly)))))))))))))) No hard feelings at all. I just wanted to make sure you knew I cared.

BUTTERFLY-7

Oh I know you care and from now on I will work on my anxiety and patience and understanding just for today I'm really learning the true meaning of Humility, I send you and Liveweyer and every leader and member of this site a big Hugs and kisses in the name of Jesus God Bless you Guys.

hippyhippy

Hey butterfly hun,
I care and stop saying 'sorry' there is no need.

I wanted to come in and say hello guys:ghug2, but I am going to write a seperate post too, as it is not nice and I am not sure if I am allowed to post stuff like this here.

Hippy
x

nandm

Yes, any thoughts, concerns, feelings, goofing off, or just general life goings on are welcome here. So feel free to post. I have found it a nice way to get to know more people on a different level than a thread set up for a sprcific topic. here we even have occassional weather reports and laugh at Barbs fainting goats. You and your thoughts good, bad, in between are always welcome here

BUTTERFLY-7

Hey guys just passing through, I got good news liveweyerd remenber when I told you that

I couldn't get my prescriptions until I see the psychiatrists well I got the Letter from my regular doc the low cost clinic I spoke to you about in my thread and I remember him telling me he couldn't see me until june well Hon I'm schedule to see the shrink on may,28 is just around the corner thanx God!!

nandm

Great news , Butterfly! Thanks for sharing it.

cinderellawkids

Thats the best part, watching, observing and learning. My kids often catch wild lizards for a day or two and let them go, but never longer. They prefer catching frogs though. All my pets I researched before we got and care for the way they need too. My husband has been working on a pond in the patio/sun room for my turtles, it should be done and painted with sealant tonite. I can hardly wait to introduce my now 6 inch water turtles to the pond. As soon as its completed Ill post some pics.

Live

I am very glad but you know for me that is a long time. All we can do is take it one day at a time. I really need to take it one minute at a time alot. I am waiting for an appmt too....and running out of too dangerous meds. I am hoping I can hang in until my appmt without having to go to the emergency room. That is the only example I can set in my life at this time is to go to the emergency room rather than die. I had to do that in October and it seems like yesterday.

Oh! I had such a glow last night! I had the longest conversation with my 6 year old grandson since I made the drastic move from Indiana to Florida a little over 4 years ago.
For the first two years I was in his life everyday and we were so attached that they couldn't say my name for 3 months without him going to wait by the door and crying and when I finally got to see again, I think almost 2 years later he was mad at me for abandoning him. He is such a happy child! Hearing him giggle and whisper secrets to me makes me melt. I am so especially attached to this child that it hurts. His birth and I was there for all of it! turned the corner on the loss of my son. For several members of the family, he gave us new reason and hope. He is so well loved, he doesn't know there is any other way and is easily hurt, but he is so loving as well. I really lost it when he whispered to me that he was going to have AC/DC on his birthday cake and put his face in the cake. LOL. I was so caught by surprise when he said AC/DC! but immediately recognized my sister's influence and thought it so funny! His excitement is contagious!
He gave me a full report on all that was going on including knowing that there were tulips in bloom and the three colors they were. Then daughter and I eagerly talked until she had to go to bed and that was so wonderful too. She made me so homesick! They are way rural, the way I like it best too, and they have a den of red fox 10 feet from the house who has become accustomed to them as part of the scenery. And having to stop on the road to let wild turkey cross. And the geese are back. Spotted an adult bald eagle. And spent one weekend day hunting morel mushrooms. I take such delight in chatting with her and am grateful that it is smooth for us now. Her insight often astounds me! And she has such a wicked and gleeful sense of humor that she makes me laugh harder than anyone! And the 6 year old is so hopelessly in love and delighted with his six month baby brother, it is just beautiful. We made a conspiracy that mom should have a baby girl as soon as right away. He immediately gave me the account of number of males in the family versus females and agreed completely that we need some girls. He has the benefit of the full version of extended family. And that is so great too....as we believe as Mayou Angela said it takes a community to raise a child and we like and believe in the family community for transmitting lifestyles and values. I am still radiant from all of this. And cannot wait until we can move back home. Hubs really loves the grandson and they really connect and hubs is most comfortable with daughter and her family too! Wow, this is what life is really about for me! The cradle of family....and offspring. We have all had to work to get here. I have the greatest pride in breaking one link in the dysfunctional family system history and future of openess and honesty between mother and children, closeness and respect and real love. I could not ever nor will ever be able to talk to my mother openly. But my mom sees the relationship between me and daughter and that has brought us closer.....and mom is a very welcome family member, but we all participate in sheltering her. She is 70 now and I am not going to break her bubble and make her know reality, it would harm her, it's too late. I recognize that she is so fear and shame based. I can help by pointing that out to other family members. But it is totally screwed up that everything revolves around her fears and always has. I had to take it on myself to raise her a little bit so that we could have a real relationship, even tho' it is limited.

okay. That was really great! YEAH! But there is also the reality that I am in withdrawals and headed towards severe before I can see pdoc. I ask for support that I can be safe until then and not have to go to ER.

hugs!

BUTTERFLY-7

Liveweyerd my prayers are with you

and I could Identified about racing your mom just to be able to establish a relationship

I'm going through that with my Dad he is 70 also well Sunday was his B-day he just turn 70 and about you moving and not been able to see your Grandson I haven't seen my real mom since I was 10 yrs old and my 2 brothers and grandma, and sibling from both side of the Family they are all in Central America,

thats in Costa Rica but I came to America at a small age, Hang in there your doing a wonderful job been a Grandma, and Mom, God Bless Honey I'll be:praying for U

nandm

Good to see your post. You were just on my mind. I was in the store and saw postcards. So I intended to buy one but couldn't decide on the best one so wound up buying six. So rather than send them all out at once I will send one every few weeks to give you something to look forward to. Will try and get one out tomorrow after class is done.

Your grandson sounds wonderful. What a blessing and an opportunity for change.

BUTTERFLY-7

. Nandm for you Love and Support

Live

Cindi,

I cannot stand animals to touch me. So cats around my legs or dogs slobbering and wanting petted repulses me. Even tho' I raised the kids farm style and we had both dogs and cats, but they didn't approach me. Had a great dog that was a family member, for real. Son was always taking off and the German Shephard would babysit him and guard him and would lead me to him, tho' neither could ever keep track of the shoes! But we were isolated and there was swamp on one side, acres of cornfields, and forest with kid made mudslides into the creek. Where do you look first when 3 year old son's favorite activity is to sneak out of the house and go adventuring? And tricked us out on the lock situation on the house. !!!!!?????!!!!!!! Too many ways to sneak out of a farmhouse and he never gave that up. I guess I learned from him how to shinny up a tree and go over the balcony to the 2d story apartment as just as easy as finding keys and going up steps! LOL
But anyway I KNOW I would enjoy observing all your pets. All animals are fascinating to watch.
But I don't really want any pets because I would have to be responsible for them and that would mean I couldn't take off being a hobo on my own adventures, which I have had such a tendency for. The rule was...with daughter on her own....that don't think a thing if no one knows where I am or can find me for two weeks but that I would always check in within 3 weeks, usually with stories to tell, just as I often would stop at her place for a cup of coffee and wind up hanging around for a couple of weeks to a month.
Bag ladies get around when we are free wheeling and keep a closet in our car! LOL
Anyway Cindi, I see how sharp you are! And you know what I mean! LOL

Judith, thanks so much for this community, I am sending you best wishes with your struggles. I would love to be a professional student. Going to community college was one of the funnest times in my life and even tho' I loved it so much, my illness and circumstances got in the way and I couldn't finish, leaving me 4 credit hours short of an associates in liberal arts. Electives even! WOW, maybe if I could get home and even get lucky enough to do it before my favorite professor who also taught my daughter who did graduate, I could afford a class at a time! What a dream! He could have retired long ago but he has such a gift to give that he shares it and inspires. But I also know that full time college hours is really tough and stressful. Hate writing papers!

BUTTERFLY-7

Nandm It's a example to many I'm not trying to praise you

but you got to give credit to who deserves credit.

BUTTERFLY-7

Nandm It's a Girl It took me by surprise I always taugh Nandm was a male :sorry but

Live

Okay y'all have me in tears, some of in joy, some in gratitude, some in excitement and some in sympathy.
The postcards did me in. I cry over such gifts! Holy cow I got so excited and touched when I read that, Judith. I am so not used to being given to, except by hubs.
And the blessings and kindness from Butterfly when she has been separated from her family.
SR has been my lifeline and also where I have met my best friends and been given kindness.
Kindness offered openly is not in my family of origin. It is there, but not on an emotional level. Never nurtured emotionally.
Didn't know I had emotions until I was in my 30's. Just this year I learned to cry..and that, too, is a gift.

Laughing, I can hear hubs talking in his sleep, he is so funny! When he dreams he is having a conversation, he speaks his side out loud and clearly. I don't even hear it when I am asleep anymore, but sitting here now.....it's just plain funny and sweet. Because he has nothing to hide at all, he is just interested to hear if I can remember what he dreamed about....usually I have forgotten it too.

Butterfly.....is there mail between you and your family in Costa Rica? Or is it an estranged relationship? I have often been lone one out in family, but as I get older it gets more important to me to have contact. Thank you for your blessings, I am touched through my whole heart and it is making a cleansing fountain in my eyes.
Too beautiful.

Live

Ought we go check on Hippy's post?

LOL I can remember Judith but not how to spell her user name.

I go by live, but my birth name is Tena.

BUTTERFLY-7

Ups sorry I'm Slow as Hell lol well my name is Lisa But I go by the scream name BUTTERFLY-7