Windytown4

day 23
Very happy to be here but the "bored" feeling is kicking in. I now spend way too much time watching tv and going online and I feel uninspired. I know this will change. The bored feeling will eventually push me to try new interests or return to old ones ( playing music, for example). but I am feeling the bored feelings at the moment.

bradly22

You can do it.

Ajohnson

I was the same away and still am sometimes but it did push me to return to old hobbies.

Windytown4

Thanks Ajohnson. Yes, I know this is par for the course! So many new things are already coming into my life even just 23 days in- especially people, I made a new friend and am more interested in hanging out with people. And it is wonderful to even feel bored versus overwhelmed and sick all the time like I did before. Day 24

racingthoughts

Yea I spent a lot of my time pretty bored in early recovery. I didn't have a ton of motivation to do much, and came to realize how boring my smoking life was. Overcoming this issue is easier said than done too. Boredom is a normal human feeling, but we're not as well equipped to deal with it at this time either. Keep your mind open and something will surely come along.

Windytown4

had a therapy session today with my amazing new therapist ( 3rd session). day 25 sober and some **** is really coming up. I have been living with a lot of fear and anxiety and kind of a deep spiritual crisis in my life and it is pretty intense. I guess I used pot all these years to try to calm myself and numb some of it. It worked to a point but I could not get into and possibly heal some of this heavy stuff I carry around. It felt good today to be able to even start to address some of this stuff. It is not, for me, about analyzing it so much as it is facing the fact that I live in this kind of fearful way, and trying to repair my own personal energy field.
Also, I got and put together an at home stationary exercise bike today. Have not had time to use it yet more than a minute, but I am excited to have it and I think it will be easier for me to use than getting to the gym ( faraway from me and only evening classes available which is not a good time for me). So yes I can see some things starting to shift but I am deep in the facing my **** part of it right now.

Dee74

you can do this WT

Windytown4

day 26 kind of had a little shift today in which I feel more joy and less fear. Kind of thinking about how life is short and quick and maybe it would be better for me to worry less and enjoy the ride more. Something my husband has been telling me for years but I have been in so much fear a lot. I feel like maybe I can relax and enjoy it more. Not sure how this will play out but I am really loving my new therapist and she is helping me feel guided a bit.

gaffo

I have been weed free for two and a half years after quitting a pretty monstrous habit. Just like cigs and alcohol, it gets easier the more time I have in. I'm sure you're already observing this. At this point you are probably pretty close to not having it in your system anymore--yay!

I've found that the effects of smoking so much pot all the time were profound but subtle compared to drinking. The benefits are likewise profound but subtle. I notice that I am not as afraid of stuff that I never noticed that I was afraid of--does that even make sense? Stupid stuff like clearing the answering machine used to fill me with dread but now I just do what needs to be done without thinking about it. That weed is strong stuff!

Opposite of Dee's approach, when I quit drinking I used pot to get through it. I wouldn't recommend that either. What I found, quite unexpectedly, is that weed is very strong. I guess being drunk all the time masked that. It's all for the best, it made me quit smoking pot!

Good luck WT4, you won't regret this decision!

racingthoughts

Glad you're getting through this Windy.

I know you don't like 12 step meetings, but all I want to mention is that they can be a great place to find yourself spiritually since you claim to be having trouble in that area. They're much less about the substances used and much more about becoming sound both spiritually and mentally in the world around us. My DOC was weed and I attend AA meetings regularly. I don't really talk about the specificities of my usage, but rather share emotions that I have in common with the other members there. I'm not trying to be pushy or anything, but you might want to keep an open mind. I went in to them a confused and angry agnostic. My beliefs have evolved and I'm much more comfortable now.

Great job on everything though. Glad you've found some help. Anything negative in your life is going to be much more manageable when you're clean. Take care.

Windytown4

Day 30. Feeling glad to be on this day. But in general feeling a little blah.
My anxiety isn't so great, and I just feel kind of off. There are lots of reasons contributing to that. And I guess being stoned would only be adding to my problems. Proud to be at 30 days and I want to keep going. But I hope I feel better than this soon.

Ajohnson

Congrats on 30 days, I can relate to what your going through. I also having been feeling the same way. Just know your not alone. we've got around the same clean time . Something tells me if I just stay clean a little longer I'll have a nice break through . Some days are better then others. I feel it's just a part of the detox and your body adjusting to sobriety physically and mentally . Keep it up! Your doing great !

Dee74

30 days is awesome Windytown.
I think it's normal to plateau a little and think is this all there is with sobriety....

One of the things that helped me was I realised I was still living a stoners life...sitting on the couch, channel surfing etc...if you're doing that too, now's a great time to shake that up?

D

racingthoughts

Congrats on 30 days Windy!

Yea you're most likely going to be up and down in terms of how you feel for a good while. THC takes a fair amount of time to get fully out of your system, and even after that your brain still has some rewiring to do. Blah days are completely normal for where you're at. You'll balance out eventually though. I had a lot of days in the first couple months where I was practically pulling my hair out.

Windytown4

Thanks everyone. My feelings fluctuate a lot throughout even a day, and I am feeling better now than earlier when I posted.
One thing I am really enjoying is dreaming again.
And also just feeling proud of myself for having willpower.
And also feeling like I can hang out easily with people more than when I was stoned. Also reading more and my eyesight feels stronger than when I was stoned all day.
Still have a lot of space and unsure of things but it is okay.

Windytown4

day 32 Facing layers and layers of myself. I think the addiction recovery thing is different for each of us depending on what kinds of stuff we have under all these layers. For me it is intense as these layers of myself unfold and I just have to be kind and forgiving and compassionate with all that I am, and just continue to be proud of myself for doing the work of healing this long standing addiction in which I buried lots of things for years and years. Now emerging to find myself and it isn't always easy. It is not like there is a specific deep trauma or anything, it is more just all the aspects of myself, my ways of handling and dealing with pain and difficult feelings, my relationships, my livelihood and purpose. My health issues. All of those kinds of things.

Dee74

I would never want to give the impression that I quit drinking and pot and everything was rosy and wonderful - I had some work to do...lots of underlying issues and traumas were the reason I started gettting high.

I'm so glad I worked at it with a clear head tho - I could never solve anything when I was wasted

give it time WT - you'll get there
D

Windytown4

yes, I mean that this part is unavoidable. And not all bad . It is more that when I was stoned all the time I could whittle my problem down to the addiction and its problems. And then the rest of my life just stayed stuck.
Now things are starting to move and open up but in the process I just have to face a lot of crap. It is still way better than hiding in being stoned. I feel a lot of growth. I am seeing a therapist, and going to a cranial sacral worker tomorrow, reading interesting esoteric books, exercising on my exercise bike, dreaming, making friends, looking to eventually expand some kind of work, taking more interest in my appearance. So those are all good things.

As I keep going I know things are growing and I am actually doing the work I need to do, where as if I spend more years stoned I am just gonna stay stuck and the growth I need to do will not happen.

Lorax1981

Hi Windy- without the hard early times I may not have stuck with it as long as I have. It will make you stronger and healthier in the long run as you keep adding days and now months. Wow by the way, over a month, good job!

racingthoughts

Yea a lot of times people come out of addiction and find their life is a bit of a mess. For many, it can be nightmarish. Totally normal. The only way we have a chance of improving things though is by taking care of our primary problem first and foremost.

When I came out, I had to deal with the fact that I was close to graduating college with an unfulfilling and pretty unemployable major along with relatively mediocre grades. I had very few non-using friends and no romantic relationships to speak of. I was very depressed and had anxiety through the roof.

Since then I graduated and was accepted into grad school which I'm now currently in. I made a plethora of new sober friends through a recovery organization on my campus. I had a girlfriend for about four months. The depression has come and gone but is much better overall.

Life's not perfect, but these are all things that I never would have done high. I know that there are big plans for you Windy. Keep moving. You're doing awesome.