I'm worried he's going to get me burgled
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Join Date: Dec 2021
Posts: 127
I'm worried he's going to get me burgled
Trying my best but forever failing to get my addict out my life.
Two weeks ago I fell out of love with him. Now I don't see him as someone I love and trust. Even the care has gone.
His most recent behaviour was he came into money from a tax rebate. It appears he spent £4000 in a few weeks. But he claims his account has been froze. He's back asking me for money.
i moved in december. He finally came up last night. He knows I have an ottoman bed and asked me to show him how it lifts. Seemed very odd because he's not planning on buying one. It didn't seem genuine either. Then he saw I had cash in my wardrobe in a purse. He told me he wished I wouldn't do that and asked me where else I could put it. He for the 3rd time since I got a little money from a house sale has told me about if I get robbed it will go. He asked me very unnaturally how much was there. I said around £700 cash.
I've tried to end the relationship twice this week. But within 7 hours of him telling me to never talk again he rang me several times. His main reason was he needed a tenner! He then yesterday did the same. Said he'd never ask for money again as people just shame him. I told him I was done. A few hours later he's asking for money for a bill. He then said his minutes had ran out and he could not call and asked me to call. I worked out he's used 500 minutes up this month. Considering he's constantly telling me he talks to absolutely nobody anymore. His phones empty etc. Who's he spent 5 hours on the phone too.
Last week he asked for £150 then a further £50 to stop dealers coming for him. The next time I go round he had a second hand ornament. A large bag full of various console games and accessories. A random art set he gave my kids. A new little table. He claimed a woman down the road was getting rid of it.
I went down the next day and new joggers were on his bed. 2 expensive deodrants. He had a box of expensive laundry capsules and created a story that a box arrived downstairs in the flat hall, addressed to his flat in a woman's name so he kept them.
The bed was unmade. Oil was left on his bedside table with the lid off. My cup was in the sink used.
Several times this week hes put 4 kisses on texts and it was always 3.
I can't truly Imagine hes cheating or having a double life. The reason being he is a Broke mess. His hairs over grown. He constantly looks depressed and exhausted. His flat is grubby and needs a good freshen up. The bedding usually is mucky from the dog.
Now onto the dog. in september he got a puppy. He allowed her to sleep in the bed and jump allover us. I began to complain that she was 24/7 demanding attention and 24/7 in between us up on the furnuture. She completely took over. Hed speak to her more than me. Hed even say i was jealous of a dog. I was merely pointing out adults need adult time. Then 2 weeks ago when his drug use got bad he asked me to help find her a home. Shes being adopted tuesday. Ive found her new owners who look great. Hes completely off and cold with the dog. He is now irritated at her constantly and moaning she never leaves him alone.
I feel so unable to trust things im so worried he was here last night just to work out what i have and the mentions of being robbed made me feel so off.
Two weeks ago I fell out of love with him. Now I don't see him as someone I love and trust. Even the care has gone.
His most recent behaviour was he came into money from a tax rebate. It appears he spent £4000 in a few weeks. But he claims his account has been froze. He's back asking me for money.
i moved in december. He finally came up last night. He knows I have an ottoman bed and asked me to show him how it lifts. Seemed very odd because he's not planning on buying one. It didn't seem genuine either. Then he saw I had cash in my wardrobe in a purse. He told me he wished I wouldn't do that and asked me where else I could put it. He for the 3rd time since I got a little money from a house sale has told me about if I get robbed it will go. He asked me very unnaturally how much was there. I said around £700 cash.
I've tried to end the relationship twice this week. But within 7 hours of him telling me to never talk again he rang me several times. His main reason was he needed a tenner! He then yesterday did the same. Said he'd never ask for money again as people just shame him. I told him I was done. A few hours later he's asking for money for a bill. He then said his minutes had ran out and he could not call and asked me to call. I worked out he's used 500 minutes up this month. Considering he's constantly telling me he talks to absolutely nobody anymore. His phones empty etc. Who's he spent 5 hours on the phone too.
Last week he asked for £150 then a further £50 to stop dealers coming for him. The next time I go round he had a second hand ornament. A large bag full of various console games and accessories. A random art set he gave my kids. A new little table. He claimed a woman down the road was getting rid of it.
I went down the next day and new joggers were on his bed. 2 expensive deodrants. He had a box of expensive laundry capsules and created a story that a box arrived downstairs in the flat hall, addressed to his flat in a woman's name so he kept them.
The bed was unmade. Oil was left on his bedside table with the lid off. My cup was in the sink used.
Several times this week hes put 4 kisses on texts and it was always 3.
I can't truly Imagine hes cheating or having a double life. The reason being he is a Broke mess. His hairs over grown. He constantly looks depressed and exhausted. His flat is grubby and needs a good freshen up. The bedding usually is mucky from the dog.
Now onto the dog. in september he got a puppy. He allowed her to sleep in the bed and jump allover us. I began to complain that she was 24/7 demanding attention and 24/7 in between us up on the furnuture. She completely took over. Hed speak to her more than me. Hed even say i was jealous of a dog. I was merely pointing out adults need adult time. Then 2 weeks ago when his drug use got bad he asked me to help find her a home. Shes being adopted tuesday. Ive found her new owners who look great. Hes completely off and cold with the dog. He is now irritated at her constantly and moaning she never leaves him alone.
I feel so unable to trust things im so worried he was here last night just to work out what i have and the mentions of being robbed made me feel so off.
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Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 8,649
Perhaps mention to him that you are on your way to the bank, just in passing - to deposit all your cash as he's right, it's not safe to keep any around. You are right to be wary.
If he has any keys to your place, you will want to change the locks.
He would be easy to break up with, block him. If you get a call from an unknown number, let it go to voice mail. He's just looking for his next fix.
He can't be cheating now because you two are no longer in a relationship right? Certainly sounds like he has found someone, or several, who knows.
He's lied to you, stolen from you and cheated on your constantly. He takes advantage of you, he won't stop until you stop.
If he has any keys to your place, you will want to change the locks.
He would be easy to break up with, block him. If you get a call from an unknown number, let it go to voice mail. He's just looking for his next fix.
He can't be cheating now because you two are no longer in a relationship right? Certainly sounds like he has found someone, or several, who knows.
He's lied to you, stolen from you and cheated on your constantly. He takes advantage of you, he won't stop until you stop.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2021
Posts: 127
Yes I'll do that. No he hasn't a key. He only bothered last night to come see where I moved and I've been here almost 3 months. He lives a 20 minute walk away.
I've messaged him this morning and told him all the trust has gone and I've had enough and can't do this to myself anymore.
I worked out out of 500 minutes he's only spoken to me for 200 (yes I've counted them on my call log) So he's had a good 5 hours on the phone to someone else. Considering he has 10 numbers in his phone and no apps and he rings nobody else (he goes out his way to tell me this)
I'm trying so hard to break away.
I've messaged him this morning and told him all the trust has gone and I've had enough and can't do this to myself anymore.
I worked out out of 500 minutes he's only spoken to me for 200 (yes I've counted them on my call log) So he's had a good 5 hours on the phone to someone else. Considering he has 10 numbers in his phone and no apps and he rings nobody else (he goes out his way to tell me this)
I'm trying so hard to break away.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 8,649
It can be hard at first, the first week will probably be the worst.
You are probably used to messaging him on a regular basis, it's hard just to break that habit. Maybe text other people? Friends, family? On a regular basis every day. Say good morning to your family!
Try to keep busy doing other things, remember how absolutely awfully he has treated you. Have you made a list? Evenings can be hard, try to make a plan for each evening, calling someone, binge watching a show, going somewhere for dinner., go shopping, anything to keep busy for that first little while, even if you don't feel like it, perhaps even a walk if it's not to cold.
If you feel like texting him, ride it out. The feeling will pass. If you are sitting there thinking about him or texting him, get up right away and do something else. Put a face mask on, paint your finger nails, wipe the counter - anything to shift your focus.
After a week or so the habit will be less intrusive. You can do this, it might be hard at first but it will be well worth it. Post here and vent.
You are probably used to messaging him on a regular basis, it's hard just to break that habit. Maybe text other people? Friends, family? On a regular basis every day. Say good morning to your family!
Try to keep busy doing other things, remember how absolutely awfully he has treated you. Have you made a list? Evenings can be hard, try to make a plan for each evening, calling someone, binge watching a show, going somewhere for dinner., go shopping, anything to keep busy for that first little while, even if you don't feel like it, perhaps even a walk if it's not to cold.
If you feel like texting him, ride it out. The feeling will pass. If you are sitting there thinking about him or texting him, get up right away and do something else. Put a face mask on, paint your finger nails, wipe the counter - anything to shift your focus.
After a week or so the habit will be less intrusive. You can do this, it might be hard at first but it will be well worth it. Post here and vent.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2021
Posts: 127
Thank you. So his cousin contacted me today she's also now upset with him for asking for money but showing no interest in her being in hospital.
I've managed 4 hours so far I've not replied to his last rude message. hes using me for money and thats all he cares about. Not me. I have work tomorrow then therapy Tuesday afternoon. So I'll have distractions.
What does it mean when you realise you don't really want them anymore. The heartache is fading and I'm getting more and more insulted and offended by him on a daily basis. I think I've gone into another phase because perhaps I've been through the same cycle a million times now. Perhaps I've finally realised its not worth it.
I've managed 4 hours so far I've not replied to his last rude message. hes using me for money and thats all he cares about. Not me. I have work tomorrow then therapy Tuesday afternoon. So I'll have distractions.
What does it mean when you realise you don't really want them anymore. The heartache is fading and I'm getting more and more insulted and offended by him on a daily basis. I think I've gone into another phase because perhaps I've been through the same cycle a million times now. Perhaps I've finally realised its not worth it.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 8,649
It does sound like a realisation.
He was mostly MIA while he had the money from his tax return, you know why. That gave you space to really think about this. He just wasn't there for you, he never has been.
It sounds like you are getting angry now. That's a great thing. Anger is always portrayed as a bad emotion, but in some cases, like this, it's a good thing. Why? Because you should be angry! This person would take your last dime and not think twice about it. That anger will propel you right out of this horrible relationship.
I would block him and tell his cousin you are going no contact for a while. You don't need him in your life. What could he possibly say that would be good for you? What possible way would he enrich your life.
You might want to read up on narcissism. While he may not be a true NPD person, he is certainly very high up on the scale. Also maybe some reading on psychopathy.
You are perhaps finding your true value now? You don't need him, not for a minute, but you do need to defend yourself against predators and that he is. You deserve so much better.
He was mostly MIA while he had the money from his tax return, you know why. That gave you space to really think about this. He just wasn't there for you, he never has been.
It sounds like you are getting angry now. That's a great thing. Anger is always portrayed as a bad emotion, but in some cases, like this, it's a good thing. Why? Because you should be angry! This person would take your last dime and not think twice about it. That anger will propel you right out of this horrible relationship.
I would block him and tell his cousin you are going no contact for a while. You don't need him in your life. What could he possibly say that would be good for you? What possible way would he enrich your life.
You might want to read up on narcissism. While he may not be a true NPD person, he is certainly very high up on the scale. Also maybe some reading on psychopathy.
You are perhaps finding your true value now? You don't need him, not for a minute, but you do need to defend yourself against predators and that he is. You deserve so much better.
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