helpfultoothers

We are just texting.

True, I just said I wanted to be friends haha earlier. He wanted to be FWB 2 months ago but then I said it was obvious we had more than FWB as he said he had feelings for me. Then he blocked me. A month ago we started texting again.

I have never talked to him on the phone. I sent him video messages of me and that's it. We went to high school together many years ago.

helpfultoothers

Is there any possibility this friendship may turn into more? Or am I delusional that his caring is more than just a friend being concerned?

He got me to go to NA which is a true blessing. Every day I go to a meeting is a good day.

I hope the more I attend NA meetings, the less I get addicted to men, too. It's about addiction in general. Also meeting people gets beyond my loneliness. I spend a lot of time on forums and little time socializing in person.

Plus it's helping with my prescription drug tapering.

helpfultoothers

Well he said that I should focus on recovery, my family and my career, as NA says to refrain from relationships for a year. That is disappointing, but I respect that he's looking for my best interests vs. his friend who is trying to get laid and doesn't care about my recovery.

helpfultoothers

He posted on Facebook that he's in a relationship. People were making jokes that it's with his hand so I don't know if it's a joke post or what, but I feel miserable tonight after reading that.

BeckoningCat

Does your therapist ever possibly mention to you that you only want what you think you can't have? Because that's what I see you saying here. Even if your relationship with your estranged husband is legitimately troubled, you also say you are "annoyed" by men who text you a lot, and continue to obsess over some guy you knew in high school who texts you from another state...which means you can project A LOT on to him. Like you know, you're obsessed with a fantasy version of him, not really him.

I think it's interesting that this is called love addiction, because it seems like the opposite of love. Always wanting someone who is either physically unavailable or even just emotionally unavailable (FWB) is a way to avoid intimacy and commitment. It makes sense, though, because people also use drugs, alcohol, and casual sex or porn to avoid intimacy.

You also say you don't understand why someone wouldn't find you attractive since other people find you attractive. That's neither here nor there. People are attracted to different sorts of people, and some people are only attracted to deep emotional connections (demisexuality) rather than an initial physical attraction, they can only feel intimate with someone they have grown close to over a period of time.

I wish you all the best. Could you try being abstinent from all men for a while, like really? No texting, no FWB, no dating.

helpfultoothers

Well I've had many out of state "relationships", some where I traveled to be with the guy after meeting him at beach resorts when I traveled to stay with friends on the island. The guy would up having a bunch of red flags and it didn't work out once the fantasy went away. Of course I wouldn't see the red flags until I spent time with him, because with texting and videoconferencing you don't see the person (annoying TV habits, find out about DUIs, drug use, the guy has a secret girlfriend, etc.).

The guy from high school, well, I haven't seen him since high school so I have no clue if he would fit into one of those categories listed above. I get obsessed with how he cares for me and constantly checks in or shows concern for me, as I never got that in my marriage.

Yeah love addiction many times is about falling for unavailable people like married men or long distance relationships because we fear real intimacy.

In that case the guy DID find me attractive in November December and yes I agree I have a type of man I find attractive.

I did the no texting, no dating thing for 6 months when I was doing the 12 steps for Love Addiction twice, and then I fell into bad habits. Now I'm trying NA to help with it, as well as a prescription drug that I am tapering off, as it gets obsessive, like any other addiction. I put the phone away in my purse so I'm not always checking it.

My therapist wants me to find a life partner who is kind to me after the hell I've been through, but a local guy, not a long-distance man. I find that local men mostly want sex on dating apps so I joined an adventure club. Of course most of those men are half my age, lol!

Most of my FWBs are half my age so that's not what I'm looking for, for a long-term commitment. I'm 48 BTW.

helpfultoothers

I'm getting myself upset and I don't even know if he posted that as a joke or not. I'm afraid to even ask.

Yeah I'm kidding myself to think I just want to be friends when I have feelings for him. I'm sure this will be like how I feel when FWBs get a girlfriend. I'm sad and upset at first, and then the feeling goes away. My therapist wants me to feel feelings instead of suppressing them with spending recklessly, binging, etc.

He just sent a long text opening himself up to me about his recovery, so I don't get it. He got me to NA and I've met some incredible new friends, so that's a gift from my Higher Power in itself. Maybe God/HP has a reason for him to be in my life besides a romantic one.

helpfultoothers

Well he said he had to stop communicating with me because things are getting serious with his girlfriend. I feel like I lost my best friend as he and I had some soul searching conversations. But I have to realize that he's not reliable with his communication. I'm in another state so it's not like I'm a threat physically.
I'm angry that he brought up sex last week as I'm sure that did it, as he's still attracted to me. Oh well, I have to continue to work on myself that I become attracted to healthier people (good luck in this quarantine lol), as one guy is trying to 13 step me from my NA group.
Therapy, NA and I'm in a Love Addicts Anonymous group now, too.