Meth User in Recovery Ended it and Blocked Me - Page 2 - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
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Old 01-25-2020, 09:12 AM   #21 (permalink)
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I started feeling better last night. I no longer have the chest pain when I think of him.

I'm also taking some time to realize that when someone is THAT excited about me and making comments on my posts, texting, planning for me to visit them out of state within weeks of reconnecting after high school, then I need to skid the brakes and stand back before reacting.

Take some time to get to know the person again, as after so many years out of high school, meth and other things can change a person. And he may even be using, which is why he was so hyper and excited about me. Thus that should be a red flag for me in the future.
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Old 01-27-2020, 09:23 AM   #22 (permalink)
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I've been so sick this month with colds and a sinus infection. I haven't been this heartbroken in years, so I'm sure my immunity is low. I'm just working on self care and being with my Higher Power and hugging my cat when I miss the guy.

My therapist is also returning from leave, so that will help as I'm sure she'll be surprised at the intensity of this "relationship", going from 0 to 100 in the matter of days. So since I've been ill, I've been more involved with a CODA web site.

The support here has really helped since you all understand the addiction part of it. Thank you everyone!
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Old 01-29-2020, 10:53 PM   #23 (permalink)
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Well he returned and said he wants to be friends. I was in total shock when I saw the text I didn't know what to say. It took me a few hours to reply and it was short how are you doing, blah blah and then that was it. I'm afraid to send another text and get blocked. Thus the trust and the new love feelings are totally gone.
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Old 01-29-2020, 11:21 PM   #24 (permalink)
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I'm afraid to send another text and get blocked. Thus the trust and the new love feelings are totally gone.
Why are you afraid of being blocked? Why don't you block him?
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Old 01-30-2020, 06:39 AM   #25 (permalink)
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Why are you afraid of being blocked? Why don't you block him?
I agree, sometimes the hardest part of having relationships of any sort with an addict is the lack of control we end up having over our own lives as a result.
If you do the blocking then you have taken control and that is so empowering and freeing. You can choose to not be at the mercy of this madness and take back control and feel so much better.
I know itís easier said than done though sending strength
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Old 01-30-2020, 08:33 AM   #26 (permalink)
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Ugh that's a tough one, as I cried and cried on here and for a month that I just wanted to be friends, as I felt like I was a creeper to get blocked. I only block if the guy is sending me nude photos or something harassing like that.

I like his inspiration of running meetings as I attend meetings and work the steps. But I have to tell myself I don't need a man to work the steps. I find that I get inspired when I have a man to do the steps with me, but that's plain codependency. I'm stuck on Step 4 and should just reach out to my sponsor instead of him. I will do that now.
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Old 02-01-2020, 02:36 PM   #27 (permalink)
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The texting has been kind of tense, like I'm so afraid I'll get blocked again. I haven't heard from him since Thursday night, so I will be strong to respect his boundaries and not text until he texts. My problem is I get needy and overtext, which I'm working on in therapy and 12 steps.
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Old 02-12-2020, 09:18 AM   #28 (permalink)
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The texting has been up and down. It was great over the weekend as he suggested I go to a meeting, and I went and shared the emotions I had after the meeting. Then he will disappear for a couple of days, and I constantly have to work with myself not to text him, as I think that overtexting him pushed him away in December. I leave my phone at home so I don't text him at work. That helps because he'll text me, and then I won't text back for 9 hours or so.

But it's just friendly. No more lovey dovey talk.

I went to the meeting and could immediately feel attraction toward a couple of the men there, and they were flirty. I definitely have codependency issues if I'm this attracted to addicts.
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Old 02-12-2020, 01:28 PM   #29 (permalink)
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you definitely have male attention issues, not sure if it's limited to just addicts? which means that whatever it is you think you feel for the person you are texting, it has nothing to do with HIM as a person. he is merely a resource for you to get your fix.

i urge you to be very careful and respectful about any type of recovery meeting you attend - not just 12 steps. these are not intended to be hook up spots, or places to get your attention seeking needs met. 13th stepping is a real thing and goes both ways - for men and for women.

i think it's great that you are finding ways to limit your access to the phone and texting. any time we can break our unhealthy habits and patterns is to be applauded. recognize that it is not WHO is sending the text, it is the text/communication/notification itself that you crave.
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Old 02-13-2020, 12:22 AM   #30 (permalink)
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Not really for all men. Some men text me and it does nothing for me. It's for men I find attractive, and I find a lot of addicts attractive. Hence why this is my 3rd round of the steps.

Yeah I get nervous about 13th stepping as I could see the men flirt a bit and I don't want to go that path.

But yeah this guy really has my attention. I wish I could have spent some time with him in person, as that changes things since he's long distance now (he moved last summer). I went to visit a guy in another state that I had a thing for, and that visit changed things. He had some annoying habits, so that made him less alluring. The long distance guys have something, because I wouldn't have seen his in person habits merely over a text.
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Old 02-13-2020, 04:35 PM   #31 (permalink)
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Yes I agree, no one should go that route.

Flirting with someone, heck even inviting them out for coffee, when they are in a very, very vulnerable time is just preying on people.

It could very well put someone off from attending AA and who wants that on their conscience, being responsible for someone who wanted help, finally went to get it and then get scared off because they could see this wasn't a "safe" place to be.
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Old 02-13-2020, 08:45 PM   #32 (permalink)
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you definitely have male attention issues, not sure if it's limited to just addicts? Which means that whatever it is you think you feel for the person you are texting, it has nothing to do with him as a person. He is merely a resource for you to get your fix.

I urge you to be very careful and respectful about any type of recovery meeting you attend - not just 12 steps. These are not intended to be hook up spots, or places to get your attention seeking needs met. 13th stepping is a real thing and goes both ways - for men and for women.

I think it's great that you are finding ways to limit your access to the phone and texting. Any time we can break our unhealthy habits and patterns is to be applauded. Recognize that it is not who is sending the text, it is the text/communication/notification itself that you crave.
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Old 02-15-2020, 09:54 AM   #33 (permalink)
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It's not necessarily the person. It's if I have strong feelings for the person. There are guys who text me all of the time and I find them to be annoying. I don't get a "hit" unless he's the guy I'm interested in.

I'm working with my therapist to see how much time in my day is spent thinking about and texting that guy. I'm recording it on a daily diary card so that we can track it, and then come up with healthy ways to distract myself from it.

I've also continued with going to NA meetings since I'm coming off a prescription drug.
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Old 02-15-2020, 03:41 PM   #34 (permalink)
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It's not necessarily the person. It's if I have strong feelings for the person. There are guys who text me all of the time and I find them to be annoying. I don't get a "hit" unless he's the guy I'm interested in.

I'm working with my therapist to see how much time in my day is spent thinking about and texting that guy. I'm recording it on a daily diary card so that we can track it, and then come up with healthy ways to distract myself from it.

I've also continued with going to NA meetings since I'm coming off a prescription drug.
Sounds like very proactive and positive steps!

In terms of you exhibiting different behaviours with different men, have you ever read Attached by Amir Levine? I found it quite interesting in terms of understanding why I find myself drawn to/quickly attached to certain people and not others.
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Old 02-16-2020, 12:08 AM   #35 (permalink)
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Thank you. I just looked up that book on Amazon. That's very helpful, as I do get so attached to a certain type of guy that he goes through my head during the day so much that it drives me crazy. At least work distracts me, but I'll still check my phone to see if he texts. Thus I'll leave it at home when I go to work because I want a break from that distraction.

Then I don't text back for 9 hours so it gives a message that I'm not going to instantly reply to this guy's texts.
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Old 02-18-2020, 05:59 AM   #36 (permalink)
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I just started NA for prescription drug use. It's not even abuse as I've taken it according to prescription for 19 years, with 2 times I took more than prescribed.

But now the DEA wants me off of it, and after a failed attempt I want to try to get some support.

I'm finding that reading the section in their Living Clean book about romantic relationships really helps. They talk about replacing the addiction with a person, and getting so excited about the person in the new love stages. I can definitely relate. Now I'm not constantly checking my phone looking for his responses.
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