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Spiraling Out of Control Chasing the Addict

Old 01-05-2019, 09:38 AM
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Drug Addiction Has No Mercy
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Spiraling Out of Control Chasing the Addict

Sometimes we spend so much time trying to rescue someone else that we fail to realize that in the process we are losing ourselves. One day you wake up totally defeated and depleted and wonder what the hell happened. Your life is in shambles and you feel like you've been hit by a truck and left for dead. Every fiber, every cell literally scream out in pain. You thumb through the pages of your mind looking for the answers that will identify how you got where you are today.

You abandoned yourself years ago when you got caught up trying to help someone else. When you tired so hard to stop something bad from happening to them.

You got lost in loving, talking, believing, hoping, fixing. You plummeted in yelling, screaming, pleading, bargining. You decended deeper each time you rescued. You spiraled out of control thinking you could somehow save them from themselves. You believed each time they said, I am clean, I want to get clean, I need you to help me, I cant do this without you. You broke when you heard them say, this is all your fault, if it wasn't for you I wouldn't do drugs, you don't love me, you never cared about me, I hate you.

Still you continued to give all you got to prove them wrong and it was never enough. The more you gave the more that was required. The endless pit of destruction and despair. A place where you feel contempt at them for bringing you here. Yet you are the one who volunteered to come. You refused to let go. Even when you saw how dark and ugly it was you still hung on trying to control the outcome.

The battle isn't yours to fight. It never was nor will it ever be. The outcome is not in your hands.

If you find yourself sitting at the bottom of the abyss today. You have two choices. You can either pick yourself up, dust yourself off and save yourself or you can pick up a shovel and continue to dig, chasing the addict. I must warn you the pit goes as deep as you are willing to go. It is up to you to decide where the madness ends.

~Passion~
Recovering addict/alcoholic/codependent/enabler
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Old 01-05-2019, 04:24 PM
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Ann
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Sometimes we spend so much time trying to rescue someone else that we fail to realize that in the process we are losing ourselves. One day you wake up totally defeated and depleted and wonder what the hell happened.
Passion, you nailed me on the first line. That's exactly how it was when I tried to save my addicted son. I don't even know when I reached the point where I had totally lost myself, where I no longer recognized "that stranger called me", and when I finally gave up in despair I wish I had known then that it was a huge turning point for me and that letting go was all I had ever needed to do all along.

Thank you for this, for all you have given to this forum over the years. And Happy New Year dear friend.

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Old 01-07-2019, 09:49 AM
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Wow. That was my life for the longest time.

I wish I had read this years ago...and actually listened and applied it to my life.

Thank you for sharing.
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Old 01-08-2019, 04:40 AM
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"O you must wear your rue with difference".
 
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I took a screenshot of this, thank you.
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Old 01-10-2019, 09:44 AM
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I was really good at digging that darn hole with my shovel boy could I dig!
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Old 02-10-2019, 04:22 AM
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Originally Posted by HardLessons View Post
I was really good at digging that darn hole with my shovel boy could I dig!
Originally Posted by hopeful4 View Post
Wow. That was my life for the longest time.

I wish I had read this years ago...and actually listened and applied it to my life.

Thank you for sharing.
guilty...thank you for sharing this...I wish I had been reading here all along. But when my son got out of prison almost 6 yrs ago I thought maybe things would get better. Sparing the details it has been a horrific downward spiral since then. I just made another bad decision and am regretting it terribly. But when I did it I told my son this was the last time I am going to be involved at all. He took the opportunity I gave him to add another boatload of trouble on himself. And it is his trouble but in sitting here beating myself up .....
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Old 02-10-2019, 05:55 AM
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I just made another bad decision and am regretting it terribly. But when I did it I told my son this was the last time I am going to be involved at all. He took the opportunity I gave him to add another boatload of trouble on himself. And it is his trouble but in sitting here beating myself up .....
Don't beat yourself up, Litehorse, most of us did our "one last time", until finally we put down our shovels and climbed out of the hole of insanity for good.

They have their own shovels, they know where help is when they are ready. God's got them covered. Us too.
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Old 02-12-2019, 09:39 AM
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HL....I second...do not beat yourself up. It's your kind and giving heart that was hoping he would do the right thing. You tried.

Sending a big hug!
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