Can Anyone Relate?
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Originally Posted by trailmix 
Hey Gemini, it was Raindrops that never heard from her stb exAH again:
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...ther-side.html (My story- need advise from the other side)
She actually left him.
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...ther-side.html (My story- need advise from the other side)
She actually left him.
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Originally Posted by DriGuy
Sometimes in breakups, you are not given closure from the other person. It's an uncomfortable feeling. This is one of those things you have to do on your own. Your closure comes when you accept that you don't have closure, and are going to be OK and move on. So much of the time, what the ex gives you isn't the truth anyway, so it only seems like closure.
But closure isn't the real issue. Getting over the loss is, and that's hard with or without closure. Your dealing with one of those things you don't get to control. And there's only one thing to do. Accept it with grace and dignity. You have that in you, and you will be a better person when you find it.
I might be missing the point here. If so, carry on.
But closure isn't the real issue. Getting over the loss is, and that's hard with or without closure. Your dealing with one of those things you don't get to control. And there's only one thing to do. Accept it with grace and dignity. You have that in you, and you will be a better person when you find it.
I might be missing the point here. If so, carry on.
I am def grateful it happened when it did, instead of months down the road. I'm trying to change my view of it. He did what he did and I can't control it, nor do I have a desire to. It's just he left my head spinning and it took a minute for it to stop. Lol. Thank you for your words.
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Join Date: Apr 2018
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Did you by any chance watch the show Sons of Anarchy? I ask because the relationship between Jax and Tara was also of a bond that started in adolescence, and that was hard to break. Some bonds are just like that, so deep seeded. That show did a such great job of showing how that is.
As as far as closure, I had a situation like that before. Not sure how it will play out with you guys, but in my case I had to realize that the way he behaved, with the shutting me out, was the closure. And I don’t even want to blame the drug use entirely, because from what I knew of his family, that’s just how they did things, with the stonewalling and lack of communication. When he grew up a little bit and wasn’t partying as much, we talked, but there still wasn’t any real “closure” like I imagined. But I do remember the part about being shut out, it really feels terrible to be treated that way, whether due to drug use or douche-y, thoughtless behavior, either way, it sucks. Sorry you are going through this.
As as far as closure, I had a situation like that before. Not sure how it will play out with you guys, but in my case I had to realize that the way he behaved, with the shutting me out, was the closure. And I don’t even want to blame the drug use entirely, because from what I knew of his family, that’s just how they did things, with the stonewalling and lack of communication. When he grew up a little bit and wasn’t partying as much, we talked, but there still wasn’t any real “closure” like I imagined. But I do remember the part about being shut out, it really feels terrible to be treated that way, whether due to drug use or douche-y, thoughtless behavior, either way, it sucks. Sorry you are going through this.
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Originally Posted by pdm22
Did you by any chance watch the show Sons of Anarchy? I ask because the relationship between Jax and Tara was also of a bond that started in adolescence, and that was hard to break. Some bonds are just like that, so deep seeded. That show did a such great job of showing how that is.
As as far as closure, I had a situation like that before. Not sure how it will play out with you guys, but in my case I had to realize that the way he behaved, with the shutting me out, was the closure. And I don’t even want to blame the drug use entirely, because from what I knew of his family, that’s just how they did things, with the stonewalling and lack of communication. When he grew up a little bit and wasn’t partying as much, we talked, but there still wasn’t any real “closure” like I imagined. But I do remember the part about being shut out, it really feels terrible to be treated that way, whether due to drug use or douche-y, thoughtless behavior, either way, it sucks. Sorry you are going through this.
As as far as closure, I had a situation like that before. Not sure how it will play out with you guys, but in my case I had to realize that the way he behaved, with the shutting me out, was the closure. And I don’t even want to blame the drug use entirely, because from what I knew of his family, that’s just how they did things, with the stonewalling and lack of communication. When he grew up a little bit and wasn’t partying as much, we talked, but there still wasn’t any real “closure” like I imagined. But I do remember the part about being shut out, it really feels terrible to be treated that way, whether due to drug use or douche-y, thoughtless behavior, either way, it sucks. Sorry you are going through this.
Yeah I'm not even seeking closure anymore. I have accepted that he left. It's just been a process. A true emotional roller coaster up until very recently. I actually look at it as a blessing now. Like, "Bye!". Lol. I don't want someone like that in my life anymore. I will always have love for him and I hope one day he can find peace.
Thank you so much for your words.
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Location: Maryland
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I am sorry for what you are going through. I have the "opposite" problem. The addict in my life disappears and then comes back. He has disappeared every week or two for 2 years and comes back after 1-5 days. I am almost 50 and have known him since I was 16 when he was my high school sweetheart. We have been "together" for 4 1/2 years now. I support him in every way. He owes me over $100,000. When he disappears, he takes my 2nd car and racks up tickets in my name. In between, he says how much he loves me and that he is never going to do it again. Tonight he called and said he was at work, that he loved me, and was bringing me dinner. He never came home. This is how it always is now...never a fight, doesn't tell me he is going out and isn't coming home, so I live in a constant state of anxiety.
My point is, it hurts either way...whether they disappear and don't contact you, or they keep coming back. Either way it messes with your mind.
I am sending you healing thoughts and prayers! Take care of yourself!
My point is, it hurts either way...whether they disappear and don't contact you, or they keep coming back. Either way it messes with your mind.
I am sending you healing thoughts and prayers! Take care of yourself!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2016
Location: Maryland
Posts: 379
I am sorry for what you are going through. I have the "opposite" problem. The addict in my life disappears and then comes back. He has disappeared every week or two for 2 years and comes back after 1-5 days. I am almost 50 and have known him since I was 16 when he was my high school sweetheart. We have been "together" for 4 1/2 years now. I support him in every way. He owes me over $100,000. When he disappears, he takes my 2nd car and racks up tickets in my name. In between, he says how much he loves me and that he is never going to do it again. Tonight he called and said he was at work, that he loved me, and was bringing me dinner. He never came home. This is how it always is now...never a fight, doesn't tell me he is going out and isn't coming home, so I live in a constant state of anxiety.
My point is, it hurts either way...whether they disappear and don't contact you, or they keep coming back. Either way it messes with your mind.
I am sending you healing thoughts and prayers! Take care of yourself!
My point is, it hurts either way...whether they disappear and don't contact you, or they keep coming back. Either way it messes with your mind.
I am sending you healing thoughts and prayers! Take care of yourself!
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Join Date: Nov 2018
Posts: 114
Originally Posted by OT4Kids
I am sorry for what you are going through. I have the "opposite" problem. The addict in my life disappears and then comes back. He has disappeared every week or two for 2 years and comes back after 1-5 days. I am almost 50 and have known him since I was 16 when he was my high school sweetheart. We have been "together" for 4 1/2 years now. I support him in every way. He owes me over $100,000. When he disappears, he takes my 2nd car and racks up tickets in my name. In between, he says how much he loves me and that he is never going to do it again. Tonight he called and said he was at work, that he loved me, and was bringing me dinner. He never came home. This is how it always is now...never a fight, doesn't tell me he is going out and isn't coming home, so I live in a constant state of anxiety.
My point is, it hurts either way...whether they disappear and don't contact you, or they keep coming back. Either way it messes with your mind.
I am sending you healing thoughts and prayers! Take care of yourself!
My point is, it hurts either way...whether they disappear and don't contact you, or they keep coming back. Either way it messes with your mind.
I am sending you healing thoughts and prayers! Take care of yourself!
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