LoveMeNow

Normal people aren't checking their husbands pupils.
Normal people don't know how to trace their spouses whereabouts using an IPhone.
Normal people do not call drug dealers and threaten them.

I had forgotten how I sick it all was!!

Anaya

Quoting HardLessons words posted, "I do accept my part in creating the "abnormal" I don't fully understand exactly why I did it. But to be honest, I definitely contributed to the abnormal. I cant blame it all on her. "

I have been coming to accept my part, though probably would not have truly understood how I erred in many ways -- thinking I was doing the right thing "for" my son, being a "warrior mom," etc., etc. -- without help from those who have walked this path, shared wisdom and been supportive.

Ann

LMN, I don't dwell on regret, that only pulls me down, but I do like to think back, like in this thread, and remember how it was and more importantly...how I finally clawed my way out of the dark hole of despair.

Anaya, we did what we did with good intentions, we felt a desperate need to save our loved ones from addiction and make them "see" how much harm drugs and alcohol were doing to them, to us and to the entire family.

Somewhere along the way, we became obsessed, we couldn't let go because we had welded ourselves to their addiction. And eventually it became about us, and not them, and we knew we were in trouble.

Now here's a question....Can "normal" people remain normal if there comes a time when someone they love becomes addicted? Is there a healthy way to detach before we are dragged down too...or is it instinctive to just try...and try....and try...to save the person we love? Would we even know that we were at the brink and indeed should let go or be dragged?

Your thoughts?

Princessofhope

Ann, thank you for that positive comment! Any words of wisdom about how to make changes when surrounded by crazy? My RAH is 4 months clean but still quacking and in denial - its mostly this that makes me crazy! He has just begun working a program which I hope will help!

Maudcat

I hope so, too. Princess.
It’s a positive sign, anyway.

HardLessons

Hi Ann

This is a great question for me - not that I consider myself "Normal"

"Now here's a question....Can "normal" people remain normal if there comes a time when someone they love becomes addicted? Is there a healthy way to detach before we are dragged down too...or is it instinctive to just try...and try....and try...to save the person we love? Would we even know that we were at the brink and indeed should let go or be dragged?"

I have thought about that question often. I have come to the conclusion that at least in my situation between her & I - I am totally unable to deal with her in any good effective way. I think I have the knowledge but I just don't have the skills.

Thanks

Ann

I think this happens when we try to get our mind and our heart to agree. We KNOW what we need to do but our heart tells us "just try one more time" or "this time will be different". That is what gets us the ticket for the crazy train, it's a one way ticket but the secret is that we can get off any time.

What helped me? Meetings, when I went to meetings I made a deal with myself that if meetings didn't help me, I would commit to keep going until I had something else in place. I lucked out, from my very first meeting I knew I was in the right place and I never once looked back. Working the 12 steps of Al-anon (and CoDA) built a foundation on which my recovery was built. Coming to SR each day gave me support 24/7 and after almost 16 years, I continue to keep my recovery fresh here and I am able to return what was so freely given to my by those who went before me.

Today I might be mistaken for "normal". Not that I fake it because I don't. But the pain and anxiety and fear, that devil fear, that I carried each day like a torch, is gone. I no longer do crazy things...unless on purpose of course, because I have learned how to have fun and to get out in nature and shoot (with my camera) wildlife everywhere. It brings me peace like I never felt before recovery.

I pray and meditate each day, beginning and end, the first to ask for guidance and the second to say "thank You" for another great day. I add a prayer asking God to take care of my son, to do for him what I cannot, and then live my life in faith that He will. My son has been missing for over 10 years, lost somewhere in his addiction. The only way I can accept this is to acknowledge that I am powerless over his life, and give his care to God.

And I take care of myself, no longer feeling a need to change anyone, they get to live their lives unhampered by me and my not so great ideas.

I take my lessons from my past and move on, learning from the experience and never repeating the old mistakes.

None of this was easy, I had many setbacks along the way. Complacency was my worst enemy, so I work hard even today to keep my recovery fresh. Actually, that's not a bad thing, all I learned along the way is an excellent basis for living a happy and healthy life.

So I may be mistaken for normal, I no longer feel like I don't fit with the rest of the world. But...I carry more scars and am wiser than "normal" me would ever have been, but for this journey. And truthfully, I wouldn't trade a day of my life with anyone...normal or not.

So...let me pose another question. What do you feel that you can do to get off the Crazy Train and put some "normality" in you life too? What plan can you make that will lead you in the right direction?

Think about those questions, you can answer here or stay private if you like, but I would love suggestions on what you think we codies can do to put a personal recovery plan together. This place is about support and we can support each other as we travel this road. We just need a map of suggestions and I would love to hear your ideas.