He almost died in my arms
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2018
Posts: 1
He almost died in my arms
I have never felt so helpless and lost. My boyfriend and I have lived and loved one another for years, I never saw this coming. Two days ago I was nelt over his body performing chest compressions while he turned blue in front of my eyes. All the while a flood of thoughts rushed over me within a matter of seconds; “ is this happening! This can’t be happening. I don’t want to do this without you, you can leave me like this!”. I’m trying so hard to be strong and supportive and to not show the wreckage it’s caused but, I’m still having flashbacks and tremors. I need to be his rock nowmore than ever, we will fight this together. How do manage my termoil while still being strong for him?
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
I am sorry you went through that. My son overdosed three times at home and twice almost didn't make it to the hospital. It didn't stop him from continuing his journey of addiction but each time my heart was frozen in fear.
Is your boyfriend willing to get help? Detox? Meetings? A recovery program or rehab? If HE makes the decision to do any of these, then perhaps cheering him on may be worthwhile.
Sadly, all the begging, crying, shouting, manipulating, guilting and shaming doesn't do a lick of good. If love could save our addicted loved ones, not one of us would be here.
Are you familiar with Al-anon? or CoDA or Nar-anon? Meetings helped many of us here find our balance again and learn to live a healthy happy life...no matter how our addicted loved ones lived theirs.
I'm glad you joined us. Read the Sticky Threads at the top of this forum, there is a lot of helpful information there. You are among friends here and we're all walking with you.
Hugs
Is your boyfriend willing to get help? Detox? Meetings? A recovery program or rehab? If HE makes the decision to do any of these, then perhaps cheering him on may be worthwhile.
Sadly, all the begging, crying, shouting, manipulating, guilting and shaming doesn't do a lick of good. If love could save our addicted loved ones, not one of us would be here.
Are you familiar with Al-anon? or CoDA or Nar-anon? Meetings helped many of us here find our balance again and learn to live a healthy happy life...no matter how our addicted loved ones lived theirs.
I'm glad you joined us. Read the Sticky Threads at the top of this forum, there is a lot of helpful information there. You are among friends here and we're all walking with you.
Hugs
Member
Join Date: Nov 2015
Posts: 635
Marci, I'm so sorry. All I can tell you is that learning about codependency was so eye-opening for me. It really helped me so much. I learned that everything I was doing to "help" my ex husband was really hurting him. My being "strong" for him was not enough- I had to be strong for myself, and my children. Life is not a fairy tale. There are no heroes, no villains. We don't swoop in and save the day, and we're not monsters for declaring "enough" (which many of us have had to do, for our own safety and sanity). Please get yourself to a meeting. It's so important to surround yourself with people who have been in your shoes.
Many blessings on your journey.
Many blessings on your journey.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2015
Posts: 635
Marci, I'm so sorry. All I can tell you is that learning about codependency was so eye-opening for me. It really helped me so much. I learned that everything I was doing to "help" my ex husband was really hurting him. My being "strong" for him was not enough- I had to be strong for myself, and my children. Life is not a fairy tale. There are no heroes, no villains. We don't swoop in and save the day, and we're not monsters for declaring "enough" (which many of us have had to do, for our own safety and sanity). Please get yourself to a meeting. It's so important to surround yourself with people who have been in your shoes.
Many blessings on your journey.
Many blessings on your journey.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 11,424
If he's not willing to actively seek help, unfortunately, it will keep getting worse.
I know we all want to be there for those we love, but they have to make the choice to be there for themselves.
I'm so sorry for you pain and the fear you've been living through.
This kind of trauma drains your physical and mental health hugely. What are you doing to take care of you?
I know we all want to be there for those we love, but they have to make the choice to be there for themselves.
I'm so sorry for you pain and the fear you've been living through.
This kind of trauma drains your physical and mental health hugely. What are you doing to take care of you?
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
How do manage my termoil while still being strong for him?
he did too many drugs and overdosed. that is all on him. he will either face his drug use head on and commit to never using again, EVER, or you can plan on this becoming a more frequent, devastating occurrence.
HE needs to be strong for him.
YOU need to make sure to take care of you and the trauma you have endured. NO partner should have to resuscitate their partner due to a drug overdose. HE did that.
i hope he chooses to get well. i hope you take care of you, no matter what.
he did too many drugs and overdosed. that is all on him. he will either face his drug use head on and commit to never using again, EVER, or you can plan on this becoming a more frequent, devastating occurrence.
HE needs to be strong for him.
YOU need to make sure to take care of you and the trauma you have endured. NO partner should have to resuscitate their partner due to a drug overdose. HE did that.
i hope he chooses to get well. i hope you take care of you, no matter what.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Wilmington, DE
Posts: 393
Marci,
We're glad you are here, and sorry that you need to be. This is a good place to find some support.
AnvilheadII has it right, find some face to face support group in your area which will be filled with people who truly understand your situation. I am a big promoter of Nar-Anon, but many have found Al Anon and other groups to be helpful, comforting and healing.
No matter what you do, you will not be able to "fix" your boyfriend, that will always be his job. Fix yourself first, you can recover before he does!
Keep coming back,
Jim
We're glad you are here, and sorry that you need to be. This is a good place to find some support.
AnvilheadII has it right, find some face to face support group in your area which will be filled with people who truly understand your situation. I am a big promoter of Nar-Anon, but many have found Al Anon and other groups to be helpful, comforting and healing.
No matter what you do, you will not be able to "fix" your boyfriend, that will always be his job. Fix yourself first, you can recover before he does!
Keep coming back,
Jim
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