Finally let go, then pulled in again
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2017
Posts: 2
Finally let go, then pulled in again
Relationships are hard. They are extremely hard when you are in college and your partner is a recovering addict. This leads to breaking up... twice... and going separate ways.
I thought I was disattached from my former partner, and in a new, healthy, long term relationship. But then I am told that my former partner has relapsed. I break down and feel an over whelming amount of emotions.
I'm mad at my family members for not telling me immediately. I'm mad at my self for hating my former partner for the last 6 months and causing him pain before. I hate the girl he was with, who relapsed with him. But I cannot be mad at him at all.
Instead, I'm in tears wishing I would of seen the key signs. I wish I would of reached out. I'm crying, because I still care, I still love him.
My new partner does not understand how anyone could love an addict. He does not understand how I could possibly feel this allotment of emotions.
Do I wait and see if my past partner reaches out once he is out of rehab? Do I reach out? Do I just move on and forget about him? As soon as I thought life was getting better, I am dragged back into the past.
I thought I was disattached from my former partner, and in a new, healthy, long term relationship. But then I am told that my former partner has relapsed. I break down and feel an over whelming amount of emotions.
I'm mad at my family members for not telling me immediately. I'm mad at my self for hating my former partner for the last 6 months and causing him pain before. I hate the girl he was with, who relapsed with him. But I cannot be mad at him at all.
Instead, I'm in tears wishing I would of seen the key signs. I wish I would of reached out. I'm crying, because I still care, I still love him.
My new partner does not understand how anyone could love an addict. He does not understand how I could possibly feel this allotment of emotions.
Do I wait and see if my past partner reaches out once he is out of rehab? Do I reach out? Do I just move on and forget about him? As soon as I thought life was getting better, I am dragged back into the past.
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
This will sound harsh, and I don't mean it to, because I know it hurts.
You are not married to this person. You have no children together. Run. Run away as fast as you can. It does not mean you don't care any less, it means this person is not good for you. It's ok to love someone from afar.
Being with an addict long term brings nothing but heart ache and hurt for all around them. It does not make them awful people, it makes their life toxic. I will say that I would never be with an addict unless they have very real clean time and have worked recovery for a LONG time, and I mean years.
Again, I don't say any of this to hurt you, but to let you know that you have a chance to move forward from this.
You are not married to this person. You have no children together. Run. Run away as fast as you can. It does not mean you don't care any less, it means this person is not good for you. It's ok to love someone from afar.
Being with an addict long term brings nothing but heart ache and hurt for all around them. It does not make them awful people, it makes their life toxic. I will say that I would never be with an addict unless they have very real clean time and have worked recovery for a LONG time, and I mean years.
Again, I don't say any of this to hurt you, but to let you know that you have a chance to move forward from this.
Friendly Folk
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Powers Lake, Wisconsin
Posts: 21,755
Sometimes when I think about my horrible past relationships I think of them as 'a bad movie that I saw' or 'a terrible book that I once read'. That way I choose not to relive it because it was rotten and a waste of time, energy, money, etc.
I would rather be in the now and be happy.
I would rather be in the now and be happy.
Curmudgeon, Electrical Engineer, Guitar God Wannabe
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Where the mighty arms of Atlas hold the heavens from the Earth
Posts: 3,403
I think you should do what is best for you. And what's best is not necessarily the same thing as what you want.
Step back. Look at him objectively. And ask yourself what kind of life can you expect to have with this person. If you can answer that question honestly, then you can figure out what is best for you.
Step back. Look at him objectively. And ask yourself what kind of life can you expect to have with this person. If you can answer that question honestly, then you can figure out what is best for you.
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