suncatcher

I usually post in the friends and family of alcoholics section and it was so helpful to me but now I have a different problem. My best friend who I've known for 38 years is struggling. Her son has been on heroin for at least 5 years if not more. When he's not shooting up he is snorting percocets. She is to the point where she is thinking about what she will do when he overdoses and dies from heroin. Watching her son be a slave to the drug is tearing her apart. She is having fleeting thoughts of harming herself also which is not like her at all. She's had so many stressors in the past few years. Losing both of her parents, a battle with cancer that she beat but her biggest stressor is her son being addicted to heroin. He's tried rehab but can't seem to stay away. I know it's an epidemic and it's hard to beat. I just don't know how to help her aside from being supportive. If there are any mom's out there that could offer any advice or anyone that can relate I would welcome any advice or thoughts. Any one who has beat heroin addiction also...how did you do it and is there a place that could help my friends son get off the stuff. I know he has to do the work himself. I know she has to detach but I'm afraid she is having a nervous breakdown. Thank you for reading. I've told my friend about SR too. I think she would find much needed support here.

Nelly1

I'm so sorry your friend is enduring this pain and heartache. I know it all too well, while its my fiancé that has this heroin addiction... I am super close with his mother and have seen her heart break worse than mine. Unfortunately I have seen this addiction hurt everyone in his family. His sister cries every day, his mom literally can't function, and I can't tell you how many times I've Walked out of my college classes and job in tears because that is how much it can hurt you. I have so many amazing people in my life that support me and are there too talk to, but unfortunately until it is directly affecting them, they tell you "to leave" to "let him hit rock bottom" "kick him out" ... All things that we know we have to do but simply can not. You see, often we feel like we need to be there every second (yes every single second) because if we take our eyes off them for a minute they can die. Now imagine thinking this every day for years, watching them suffer and struggle and seem so helpless. It literally consumes you, your friend is hurting so badly because in her heart she knows what she has to do, but the thought of actually carrying out the act is far too heavy a burden to carry. We ask ourselves what if??? What if I kick him out tonight and tonight's the night he overdoses? What if I just keep bringing up rehab and today is the day he goes??? We know these thoughts aren't normal, we know we are helpless in this battle and they must do the hard work but it's so hard to turn our backs on those we love and soooo sooo often we are the ones left crying and suffering just as much as them, we literally catch an addiction ourselves, by making our lives about them and only them. Your friend will never get over this until he is sober (if ever) but she sure is lucky she has someone on her side like you that is so worried about her!

suncatcher

Nelly1, thank you so much for your reply. I'm so sorry you are going through this pain with your fiance also. The addiction really does affect the whole family and then it spreads to the people close to the family like close friends. I hope your fiance finds treatment and I hope you find peace and clarity and take care of yourself during this time too. I know there are no easy answers or quick fixes for this and that is what is so heart breaking. You do feel helpless just watching someone destroy themselves and it destroys the people that love them too. I think I'll go to my friends house tomorrow and help her to read here as there is so much support and information here. Thank you for your kind words and support. Hugs to you.

JOIE12

once we make a choice to save our own lives, we oddly find peace in each day no matter the fear.

My exABF did die.

I wish you strength for what brought you to SR. I wish you strength with your friend. Have her study addiction, read the stickies at the top of this forum, go to a meeting in her area, read the book Codependent No More by Melody Beattie. She cannot save her son. She cannot change his choice. She cannot change his destiny. She can love him enough to leave him to his decisions.

Nelly1

Yea a big thing that helped me was definitely these boards. It helps to know that other families (as much as we don't want them to) are going through the same thing as us! So many of their stories are so similar to our own and in a world so crazy, it's amazing to talk to people who get it. Sometimes it's tough to hear what they are saying but it is always helpful.

GardenMama

It is so kind of you to come here for your friend. I have two suggestions.

1. She needs to get a Narcan (Naloxone) overdose kit ASAP! These are more and more available now and can often be accessed through recovery organizations, doctors, pharmacies, sheriff/EMT, etc. If he is living at home, she can have it at home and possibly save his life in the event of an overdose.

Just search the name and you should be able to find it. For more info, here is one organization's page about it: http://steverummlerhopefoundation.or...aloxone-QA.pdf

2. She also really, really needs the face-to-face support of other parents and loved ones of addicts. I have found this at NarAnon meetings.

I hope some of this helps.

suncatcher

Thank you all so much. You have all been so helpful and I will give her my copy of Codependent No More and tell her about the narcan kit and Naranon meetings. I gave her the soberecovery.com info today. Peace and clarity to all of you struggling with this. Joey12, I'm so sorry you lost your exabf.

mayabee

Great advice about getting Nar-can. Depending on your location, county or city health department might offer class on administration of Nar-can and prescription. If Nar-anon is not available in your area Al-anon can be a good source of support for your friend. I found Nar-anon hugely helpful but am now in an area with no Nar-anon so am using Al-anon instead. My son has been struggling with addiction to various drugs, including heroin; even when he is in recovery I continue going to my meetings; ongoing support is so important for family and friends of addicts.

GardenMama

This is SO important! Keep going, and suggest she keeps going even if things get/seem better.

What a good friend you are, Suncatcher. Way to work Step 12!

Lotusangel

I am also in the same position as your dear friend. My 25-year old AS just can't seem to break the chain with heroin. It is so painful to watch. Just as we thought he had s handle on things, there's a turn for the worse. The last 7 or 8 months have been hellish to say the least. I know I need to evict from a property we own, and I have finally gathered the courage to do so but it kills me inside just thinking of what to come. Drug addiction is merciless. Lots of his to you and your friend.