blackandblue

...was the last time I posted on SR.

I have since been around the world and back again. And I'm well and more alive than ever to tell about it. It's just that if I told you, you probably would not believe me.

Today my story is not about my AXBF. Not that he is not a part of my story. I know I still have a few hooks left in me. I figure if I can ignore them for now, that they might just fall out on their own.

I have a story to tell that has been in the making for 5 years and it goes like this...

Once upon a time... Girl meets Boy. Girl gets weak in knees. Girl falls in love with Boy. Boy is nice, but Girl learns he has a big problem. Too late. Girl already in love. Boy is in love with Girl but really more in love with drugs. Boy is more like a ghost. Girl is sad. Girl is in pain. Girl leaves. Girl goes back to Boy. Tries to save Boy. Girl can't save Boy. Boy has to save himself. Girl is sad. Repeat cycle many times.

One day, Girl leaves and stays away from Boy. Girl has to save herself. But Girl is still sad about Boy. Girl asks for help. Girl prays, meditates, screams, and rages. Repeat. Girl goes back to Boy again. Same story. Girl leaves again.

This time Girl says enough. Girl, for the first time, takes care of Girl. Girl becomes Woman. Woman is not Girl. Woman says goodbye to Girl and to Boy. Boy is now free to go his own way. Woman does not wait. Woman moves on. Woman becomes her real self. Woman is wise, grounded, and humble. Most of all- Woman is happy.

Now, Woman is living her dream. Dedication, devotion, discipline, faith, perseverance, love, acceptance, forgiveness, letting go, hope, and hard work have turned Girl into Woman. Woman is not doormat. Woman is not a victim. Woman took life into her own hands and asked for help. Woman is strong to know she can't do this alone anymore. Woman prevails.

Maybe one day Boy will become Man. Maybe. 'Til then.

Ann

What a lovely way with words you have and how true this is of how a codependent relationship often unfolds.

I am glad you found the courage to move forward and live your life well. Life is too precious to be wasted, even for a single day.

Hugs

qwer1234

Beautiful, simply, beautiful. And very empowering.

Thank you for sharing.

qwer

Sungrl

Excellent, I was that girl too. Now I am the women as well. How good does that feel??

hopeful4

What a wonderful update. I too have went through this process. It's personally rewarding and freeing to realize your self worth does not come from that boy.

Txhelp

LOVE IT! I love being a woman and not a girl!

Fly N Buy

Incredible post!

Truncated, poignant, inspiring, melodic and soon to be a major motion picture - which I would go see!!

Woman, I hear your roar!!

peace, to us all.....

airwick

I am woman hear me roar

Vale

Girl=easily trifled with, abused, self doubting, easy to induce self doubt in, insecure,
always looking for external approval, body-image centric, easily co-opted into any
pie-in-the sky bullcrap hopeless life wasting endeavor-----ad infinitum.

Woman= takes no sh*t (from ANYONE!)

blackandblue

Thanks for the positive feedback!

And of course you can switch the whole Man/Woman thing too or in any combination. Point being, what Vale said. The art of "not taking BS" from anyone must be learned, cultivated, and mastered (Man or Woman). I call it- getting a backbone.

"No," when used in a one word complete sentence and it comes from the heart, is the most liberating assertion of self empowerment. And of course, yes can be too. But as a recovering people pleaser- yes was never an issue for me.

It was saying no, and meaning it and without justification that helped me let go of my childish fear of giving a (insert favorite profanity) about what anyone thinks about me. And of course, that makes saying yes even sweeter now because I know I mean it.

I know I will continue to be tested on this. All of us will. More so now than ever because that is human nature. There are always circumstances in our life that will challenge our core beliefs and values. And that is when we can see how far we have come.

Now, I'm not saying my life is all perfect with rainbows and butterflies because I learned to say no or because of any kind of "girl power." But it's pretty darn fantastic! I have found my calling, my purpose, and each day is a sweet bonus.

I am happy in spite of difficult times or my external circumstances. I am open to love and being loved (not the romantic kind- the real kind). And I will continue to do the internal work. I have come to a distinct turning point in this life and I'm not looking back- out of the dark and into the light.

Many Blessings,
BnB