Lovenjoy

RAS has shoulder surgery today. Will be subscribed his DOC for after care. We have both been talking and putting support in place. I will hold and dispense. I am very fearful this morning. It feels like we are opening the door and inviting the beast in…..

He is strong in his recovery at the moment but I have seen him disappear into the AV before and am praying for strength for us both. Placing him in God's care and asking to be led.

My own codie recovery feels fragile right now. So my AV is kicking in already! The monster in my head is way more scary than the actual event. Hopefully.

Kindeyes

Praying that all goes smoothly with the surgery and for strength for you both.

gentle hugs
ke

L0stH0pe

hope all goes well for you and your husband... these times are stressful in and of themselves but to have "our" kind of worry added to it turns them into minefields. Don't forget to also take good care of you!

hopeful4

Praying for you both!

cleaninLI

Lovenjoy,

Prayers being sent your way! Having surgery and needing my DOC some day frightens me too. That's good that you've come up with a plan for dispensing his meds.....and hopefully he will not need it for long.

Chino

Shoulder surgery is traumatic. I had mine done 10/2012 and I still cringe when I think about it. You can read about my post op experience here http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ow-starts.html

I will say prayers for you and your son and keep saying them.

Make sure you have all the support you need and don't wait to ask for help if you need it. Please have a back up plan for you and a plan of action for when he loses it because he will. I truly hated life and lashed out in frustration, pain and anger a few times.

You can feel compassion for him and he'll need it but PLEASE do not feel sorry for him. That just feeds The Beast.

Print out my original post and let him read it if you think it will help.

Hugs to you.

L0stH0pe

whoops just realised.. so sorry... not your husband your son @_@

Lovenjoy

Thanks everyone! Chino, I saw your post on surgery and printed it out weeks ago! That's so funny. I read parts of it to him when we were talking about his upcoming surgery.

Surgery went well. The beast is alive an well an on duty already. RAS was snarling and complaining about low dose and unfair dosing on the ride home and he isn't even in pain yet! An didn't know what the dose was yet! Wanted to know where it was an was shocked I didn't have it on me so he could check it out. I pointed out his AV was already on duty and that pissed him off and he told me he didn't want to be hearing me say things like that.

I got quiet and then calmly told him not to snarl at me. It's gonna be a long week….. He did turn it around a bit before we got home. It's hard for me to even have sympathy for him because I am so terrified of his anger and rage which have been virtually gone for months will come to disrupt my peace.

And here comes the beast roaring to the forefront. The considerate person who would normally say thanks for taking the day off to help me out has taken a back seat to the person who is right now standing here yelling that I shouldn't listen to what the nurse said and give him the first pain med at dinner time but give it to him now, and that's not what the script says, and the nurse isn't the doctor and your the best person to do this?, and you said we wouldn't have issues and this is the way it's gonna be? and on and on and on.

God give me strength. It has been less than an hour since I picked him up. Leaving now to read a book at the park in the sun. It is just amazing how quick he can change. And amazing he can't see it. What a horrible horrible disease. Hopefully his sponsor and people in the program will reach out as the person who just yesterday was talking to everyone about keeping his sanity while he deals with this has already left the building.

hopeful4

Stay to yourself as much as possible and pray very hard. Once he has had a chance to recoup maybe tell him your fears.

good luck and god bless!

Hope4Life

Hi Lovenjoy... so sorry to hear that he has begun acting this way. I sure hope you grabbed his DOC and brought it with you. Maybe you could talk to his Dr about this situation and get something else to deal with his pain? There has to be another drug that will be just as effective...

I hope your time in the park was relaxing.

SnoozyQ

Hi LoveNJ

Thinking of you sweetheart . Arghhhh these things are sent to test us .

I'm sending good vibes your way and just know we are thinking of you .

Much love xxx

Lovenjoy

F.O.G. - fear obligation and guilt. Boy does this fit the bs he's handing me. According to him I am the reason he's flipping out. No way his disease is making him unreasonable. I'm the one who mishead the nurse. I'm the cazy one. He's the addict who just had surgery and has flipped out 2 times about pain meds before the pain block has even worn off! And I'm the crazy one. His compromise - give him full day doses an he'll dispense. Really?! What a crock. This too shall pass...

CodeJob

Oh dear. My RAH still talks about the propofol reaction he got when he had his rotator cuff repaired. I hope you can block all of this and not get a bunch of resentment as you try to protect him from himself. Peace to you. Speedy healing for your son!

Lovenjoy

What is 'propofol reaction'? And I love the 'protect him from himself'. That really helps as he is pressuring me to give him four pills so he can 'be an adult' about his meds. Really?! It's so we 'don't argue'. He's the only one arguing. Dropping him at a meeting and going to mine. Hope it helps us.

Thanks everyone.

cleaninLI

Hi lovenjoy, yep it looks like the beast woke-up. It must be tough but you're doing a good job. Try not to let his BS get to you. Stand your ground and keep to the dosing schedule. I'm sure he's going to test you with each and every excuse he can think of to wear you down. He probably knows exactly what to say to get to you. Maybe you could tell him he can take ibuprofen or naproxen in between doses if he complains about pain. (With Dr. Approval) Hopefully after a day or two he will realize you are sticking with the schedule..that he can not break your resolve. I hope the meeting helps.

So true about keeping the pills with you...otherwise lock them up. An addict can sniff out drugs better than any hunting drug. If they are somewhere in the house he will find them.

Good thoughts and prayers heading your way.

Lovenjoy

Thanks Clean, and yeah the drugs are with me guys.

So you won't believe what happened right before we left for meetings. A car pulls up out front so I look and the girl in passenger seat is doing something, looks suspicious so I watch. Then the driver pulls sleeve up whips out tie and shoots up!!! Broad daylight in good neighborhood. I freaking went ballistic! Started to go out - thought better of it and tried to get plate number. WTF!!!

Dealing with an addict inside and this is happening in. front. of. my. house! I know we are dealing with an epidemic but this really, really shocked me. Had a friend in the halls tell me awhile back that we are losing a generation to opiate addiction. It really is beginning to look that way.

In a strange way the incident made me stronger in my struggles with RAS today. A God shot maybe?

Please keep us in your prayers the next few days and any and all insights, advise, support much appreciated. He truly wants recovery. I need to help him fight the fight at this moment. Would love to just hand him the drugs and stop the madness but I won't as this disease is life or death. He is worth a few days of engaging as it is situational not codependent.

needingabreak

Lovenjoy, I hope things get better for both of you. I admit I would be so scared if my son needed surgery and had to take pain pills. I would be just sick about it.........
You are doing everything you can to keep him in line but terrible all this burden is laid on you. I sympathize with you and will be praying for both of you. It should shock me what happened in front of your house but as you say it is an epidemic, especially here in RI so nothing surprises me anymore. If you had gotten the plate number I tend to doubt anything would have been done. Sad but true. HUGS

Firefall

I had to do this for my A/sis 4 years ago. Remember it is not personal, stay focused.
Praying for you both.

Lovenjoy

So he's going to bed mad and threatened I'll never see another script of his to do this again. I certainly hope not! He can't believe I won't give him a night's worth of doses and then a day's worth of doses so he can dispense his own. His point he doesn't want to argue over every dose. Told him he is the one arguing so don't argue. Then he asks what if he needs more 'cause of the pain, just suffer? I told him take tylenol, ice it then regular dose when it's time. I won't argue.

Then he brings up an 'expert' from meeting (he's been through this in recovery) who told RAS the doctor didn't give him a high enough dose. So this is why I should give him more? I'm waiting for because he's an addict they don't work as well so he needs more!

I'm not upset anymore, kinda chuckling over the shenanigans his AV is putting him (and me) through. I know it's serious and my codie started going there - what if he goes out, what if he really needs more, what if what if…..So I would rather have a chuckle and give it to God to handle. If this breaks his recovery it is on him, not me.

And I pray. And take care of myself. And hope for the best.

(ps - thanks for your kind words needingabreak and i wanted to say that my city here is in all out war against the drug activity and i do believe they would act on a call. it has taken them awhile to get there but i have been really encouraged by the full on pressure and major arrests happening, big and small. city, state and federal involved and i hope they keep it up!)

allforcnm

Praying for both of you tonight. Sounds like your handling it all really well; hope tomorrow is a good day.