Latest update about my daughter
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: East Coast of Florida
Posts: 61
Latest update about my daughter
Hi, all. Don't remember exactly when I posted last. Forgot to mention in my earlier posts that I found soberrecovery.com when I was doing an internet search for my daughter's most used screenname in an effort to find out if she was even alive. She posted one post here in 2010, saying that she was having a very hard time.
My story is laid out in my previous posts. My daughter is a roxy and now I think heroin addict. She is now a convicted felon (credit card fraud, check fraud, burglary and more) and has spent more than a year in jail followed by 8 months at The Bridge (a department of corrections ordered stay).
She has been in and out of my home, also. The last time she got out of jail, in January of 2013, I could not let her come home while she waited for a bed at the facility, so the judge remanded her to jail for the 3 months she had to wait. She completed the program there last week, on Wednesday, and came home. She is on house arrest for 2 years and on drug offender probation for 2 more.
I agreed to let her come home if she completed a program. I made it very clear that she could only stay if there were no drugs and she respected other peoples' belongings (no hacking into my computer or using anything without permission, including stealing things to pawn) I told her there would be a zero tolerance of these things.
She came home a week ago Wednesday. I could see that not a lot had changed. She spent time on my computer when I was at work (not allowed), had friends over without my permission, and actually went to the mall when she was supposed to be coming straight home from the probation office. This past Wednesday, a week to the day of her coming home, I walked into the garage to find her shooting up.
I told her she had to leave. She started sobbing and curled up in a ball on the floor, saying that she is not happy; that she saw the mark from my IV from the hospital (I spend Monday at the ER with a kidney stone) and it made her want to use, and she had nowhere to go. I told her that this was a choice she was making, that she can do whatever she wants but she can't use drugs and live here, and that she had to go. I asked her to be out by the time I came home from work. She again spent the whole day on my computer, making no effort to leave (this report from my younger daughter who also lives here) I called her from work and told her that if she didn't leave, I would have her removed.
Longer story short, she had an option to leave and be on the street or to go to a rehab for which she had already been approved months earlier. She chose the rehab, but made it clear she was only going because I was making her. I haven't heard from her since Thursday evening. I drove her the 90 miles there after work. I have read some awful reviews of this facility and a few good ones. No matter what the reviews say, she will not benefit from being there unless she wants to stop, and she clearly does not. 2 years of her life spent in jail and a drug facility, and the first thing she did when she got out was to contact her old friends and beg them to get her dope.
I was hoping for more than a week. She probably used the first day. I just didn't find out right away
My story is laid out in my previous posts. My daughter is a roxy and now I think heroin addict. She is now a convicted felon (credit card fraud, check fraud, burglary and more) and has spent more than a year in jail followed by 8 months at The Bridge (a department of corrections ordered stay).
She has been in and out of my home, also. The last time she got out of jail, in January of 2013, I could not let her come home while she waited for a bed at the facility, so the judge remanded her to jail for the 3 months she had to wait. She completed the program there last week, on Wednesday, and came home. She is on house arrest for 2 years and on drug offender probation for 2 more.
I agreed to let her come home if she completed a program. I made it very clear that she could only stay if there were no drugs and she respected other peoples' belongings (no hacking into my computer or using anything without permission, including stealing things to pawn) I told her there would be a zero tolerance of these things.
She came home a week ago Wednesday. I could see that not a lot had changed. She spent time on my computer when I was at work (not allowed), had friends over without my permission, and actually went to the mall when she was supposed to be coming straight home from the probation office. This past Wednesday, a week to the day of her coming home, I walked into the garage to find her shooting up.
I told her she had to leave. She started sobbing and curled up in a ball on the floor, saying that she is not happy; that she saw the mark from my IV from the hospital (I spend Monday at the ER with a kidney stone) and it made her want to use, and she had nowhere to go. I told her that this was a choice she was making, that she can do whatever she wants but she can't use drugs and live here, and that she had to go. I asked her to be out by the time I came home from work. She again spent the whole day on my computer, making no effort to leave (this report from my younger daughter who also lives here) I called her from work and told her that if she didn't leave, I would have her removed.
Longer story short, she had an option to leave and be on the street or to go to a rehab for which she had already been approved months earlier. She chose the rehab, but made it clear she was only going because I was making her. I haven't heard from her since Thursday evening. I drove her the 90 miles there after work. I have read some awful reviews of this facility and a few good ones. No matter what the reviews say, she will not benefit from being there unless she wants to stop, and she clearly does not. 2 years of her life spent in jail and a drug facility, and the first thing she did when she got out was to contact her old friends and beg them to get her dope.
I was hoping for more than a week. She probably used the first day. I just didn't find out right away
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Colorado
Posts: 577
I'm so sorry you are having to deal with this. So heartbreaking to read....let alone live. Do you have any support? Therapy? Meetings? I wish my son wanted to be clean 1/4 of how much I want him to be...just not there yet. May never be. It's such a balance...wanting to encourage without enabling. Unfortunately we cannot help our young adults if they don't really want help. Sounds like she may not be done yet. Sending prayers for strength for you. Xoxo
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Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: WI
Posts: 1,426
Dear Newimage, I'm so sorry this has happened to you and your family. It's my fear also that my 2 RADs will be tempted by something and relasp! You did what you had to do and I'm proud you did it. Maybe she will get it this time, she will see that sobriety isn't so bad! I'm thinking she will thank you some day, you had boundaries and she laughed at them and now she is where she should be, not in your home, influencing your other daughter and giving you heartache. Stay strong. TF
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Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 127
Dear new image, your story sounds a lot like mine. Every rehab my daughter came out of she started using as soon as she got home.. Then we'd kick her out, help her again when she's homeless and start all over. She's in jail now and I don't think she's learning anything.im so sorry you're going through this. Tough love is so hard. How old is your AD and how old is the younger sister? I too, have to worry about my 13 yo when my AD is around.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: East Coast of Florida
Posts: 61
Last January, as the bailiff led my daughter out of the courtroom in handcuffs, she turned to me and mouthed "F*** you" to me. It was seen by the state attorney and admitted to court records. The judge recommended to me that I take out a restraining order. After a week in jail, she called to tell me what a sh**y thing I had done, to stand up in court and tell the judge she could not come home and needed help for her addiction. She kept in touch, but she didn't even bother to hide that the only reason she was doing so was because I was useful to her.
During the whole 8 months she was in the court ordered facility I knew nothing had changed. She has never shared any of her feelings with me or showed me anything that would convince me in the least that anything was different and that she was finally "getting it". She only cared that she didn't have the hair products she wanted and the facility was crap and everyone was subintelligent there. She made lists of things she wanted me to send her. Never once did she exhibit any regret or care about her family. Yet when she said wanted to come home, using those words, I was willing to attach meaning to that word and myself to that tiny little glimmer of hope, thinking that home to her meant more than just coming back to her stomping grounds so she could resume the life she had before she went in. It didn't. But I had promised that if she completed the program successfully, I would give her one more chance. She got a job there at a fast food place, and worked long days. I took that as a good sign also.
My daughter is disordered, and this is more than the addiction, but no one has ever been able to put a name to it, not that it matters. She has feelings, but it seems they only go to a certain point, no matter who is involved......family, friends, boyfriends....she seems to care only about herself. Her emotional maturity seems stuck at about 14 years old. This is when she herself started using. You can see her post- she is cafebrulot.
After months of discussing the boundaries that would be in place when she got out, she immediately crossed them all. She made no efforts to have a relationship or even speak with her 18 year old younger sister, who was adamantly opposed to her coming home and angry with me for letting her. She slept in til 10, though she was supposed to be up to help take care of our dogs when I left for work at 7. On community control, she was allowed to spend several hours a day looking for a job. The second day, it was raining so she declined to go. When she did go, she spent an hour making herself completely unsuitable for any position, wearing all her gauges and jewelry in her facial piercings, heavy makeup, punk hairstyle, inappropriate clothing. The third night she was here, she was so rude and inconsiderate, we ended up in a screaming match about it, me throwing things things up to her to the point that even my younger daughter thought I was a bit out of line. While she was in the facility, her boyfriend (whom she dumped) retrieved her laptop computer from police holding, where it had been since they seized it from her boyfriend's house while executing a search warrant. She found out that he had pawned it. She was ranting and raving about how he and the police had violated her rights and she was going to press charges. Her rights?? She brought the police into her boyfriend's mother's home. She stole from that woman, who declined to press charges against her. The laptop itself she stole when breaking into someone else's home, yet she honestly felt righteously indignant about this. I blasted her about how self-centered she is.
When I walked in on her using the other day, she was upset and then became venomously angry, blaming me for everything. I tried to find someone to drive her there, and actually called the place, telling them that I didn't want to bring her myself because I feared her.
She clearly cannot come home again. I said this before, but I hope I will stick to it when the 30 day program is over. She does not want help. She doesn't think anything's wrong. All the yo-yo'ing in and out of my home just makes things worse and does more damage every time.
During the whole 8 months she was in the court ordered facility I knew nothing had changed. She has never shared any of her feelings with me or showed me anything that would convince me in the least that anything was different and that she was finally "getting it". She only cared that she didn't have the hair products she wanted and the facility was crap and everyone was subintelligent there. She made lists of things she wanted me to send her. Never once did she exhibit any regret or care about her family. Yet when she said wanted to come home, using those words, I was willing to attach meaning to that word and myself to that tiny little glimmer of hope, thinking that home to her meant more than just coming back to her stomping grounds so she could resume the life she had before she went in. It didn't. But I had promised that if she completed the program successfully, I would give her one more chance. She got a job there at a fast food place, and worked long days. I took that as a good sign also.
My daughter is disordered, and this is more than the addiction, but no one has ever been able to put a name to it, not that it matters. She has feelings, but it seems they only go to a certain point, no matter who is involved......family, friends, boyfriends....she seems to care only about herself. Her emotional maturity seems stuck at about 14 years old. This is when she herself started using. You can see her post- she is cafebrulot.
After months of discussing the boundaries that would be in place when she got out, she immediately crossed them all. She made no efforts to have a relationship or even speak with her 18 year old younger sister, who was adamantly opposed to her coming home and angry with me for letting her. She slept in til 10, though she was supposed to be up to help take care of our dogs when I left for work at 7. On community control, she was allowed to spend several hours a day looking for a job. The second day, it was raining so she declined to go. When she did go, she spent an hour making herself completely unsuitable for any position, wearing all her gauges and jewelry in her facial piercings, heavy makeup, punk hairstyle, inappropriate clothing. The third night she was here, she was so rude and inconsiderate, we ended up in a screaming match about it, me throwing things things up to her to the point that even my younger daughter thought I was a bit out of line. While she was in the facility, her boyfriend (whom she dumped) retrieved her laptop computer from police holding, where it had been since they seized it from her boyfriend's house while executing a search warrant. She found out that he had pawned it. She was ranting and raving about how he and the police had violated her rights and she was going to press charges. Her rights?? She brought the police into her boyfriend's mother's home. She stole from that woman, who declined to press charges against her. The laptop itself she stole when breaking into someone else's home, yet she honestly felt righteously indignant about this. I blasted her about how self-centered she is.
When I walked in on her using the other day, she was upset and then became venomously angry, blaming me for everything. I tried to find someone to drive her there, and actually called the place, telling them that I didn't want to bring her myself because I feared her.
She clearly cannot come home again. I said this before, but I hope I will stick to it when the 30 day program is over. She does not want help. She doesn't think anything's wrong. All the yo-yo'ing in and out of my home just makes things worse and does more damage every time.
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Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Colorado
Posts: 577
New image, I'm so glad you reached back out here for support for yourself. I just wrote out a summary of the last six years of our battles with our son (for another member in a private message). I think it was cathartic. Even though I know the behavior is unacceptable ....when you can view it in snippets it's a bit more manageable...but seeing the highlights on paper....Ugh. the only difference is my son always expresses remorse when he's clean...he's never going back...very communicative... and I get real glimpses of how my son used to be....and then the attitude begins changing and we are back to the races. The part you wrote about your daughter demanding her rights being violated really hit me. My son can point out everything everyone else should be doing and how they should be behaving but none of those societal rules seem to apply to him. It's crazy making at its finest.
I think it's really good you've made the decision for her not to come home. There are other alternatives for her if she is serious. Does she know this will be your stance? If not I wonder if telling her now might give her the opportunity to really consider why...and work through it with her counselor. My son has said that when he is angry at me it's a great reason to use. I'm sure this is meant to be a manipulative statement and I never change my behavior because of it....but it's definitely food for thought. I know they'll use for any reason if they really want to...
Hang in there....we understand.
I think it's really good you've made the decision for her not to come home. There are other alternatives for her if she is serious. Does she know this will be your stance? If not I wonder if telling her now might give her the opportunity to really consider why...and work through it with her counselor. My son has said that when he is angry at me it's a great reason to use. I'm sure this is meant to be a manipulative statement and I never change my behavior because of it....but it's definitely food for thought. I know they'll use for any reason if they really want to...
Hang in there....we understand.
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Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: MI
Posts: 452
Walking the line between appropriate support and unhelpful enabling is a tremendous challenge. While active addicts have many common behavioral traits, every addict and every situation is also different. Different facts, different relationship dynamics, different contributing factors - I've read statistics form numerous sources saying that from 40% to 60% of people struggling with addiction have co-occurring mental health disorders, which of course contribute to the uniqueness of any given situation. Unfortunately for those of us who love addicts, this means that there is no sure-fire right way to handle the many challenges our addicts inevitably hand to us. Add to this the fact that an active addict will lie and manipulate without hesitation - it is really impossible for us to know whether THIS time, he/she is serious about pursuing recovery or not. The fact that the addict doesn't ACT like a person in recovery doesn't necessarily mean that he/she isn't ready - it can take awhile to change one's mindset and way of viewing the world.
For what it's worth, I think you did the exact right thing in giving your daughter another chance, despite your reservations in doing so. You set firm boundaries, and when she demonstrated that she was not really serious about pursuing recovery and respecting those boundaries, you enforced them. You did not enable. You took the information you had available to you when you made the decision to let her return home - on the one side, her history, and on the other, her claims that she was ready and would respect your boundaries - and you decided to give her a chance. I don't think that was wrong - it is impossible for us to KNOW whether the addict is serious this time about recovery, or not. You demonstrated loving parental behavior, offering appropriate support based on what you knew. When it became clear that she was doing what addicts do, you did not enable. You enforced the boundaries, as heart-breaking as it was to do so, and quickly - you only tolerated the intolerable behavior for a week, giving her a little time to adjust before it became clear that there would be no adjusting.
Please don't beat yourself up for erring (if there was error) on the side of supporting that glimmer of hope. We have to do that, because one day, that glimmer of hope may be the real thing. You have to protect the rest of your family as well, and you did that - you acted promptly when it became clear that your daughter wasn't ready.
Try not to make an emotionally devastating, tragic situation more painful by thinking that you messed up somehow here. IMHO, you didn't. At all.
For what it's worth, I think you did the exact right thing in giving your daughter another chance, despite your reservations in doing so. You set firm boundaries, and when she demonstrated that she was not really serious about pursuing recovery and respecting those boundaries, you enforced them. You did not enable. You took the information you had available to you when you made the decision to let her return home - on the one side, her history, and on the other, her claims that she was ready and would respect your boundaries - and you decided to give her a chance. I don't think that was wrong - it is impossible for us to KNOW whether the addict is serious this time about recovery, or not. You demonstrated loving parental behavior, offering appropriate support based on what you knew. When it became clear that she was doing what addicts do, you did not enable. You enforced the boundaries, as heart-breaking as it was to do so, and quickly - you only tolerated the intolerable behavior for a week, giving her a little time to adjust before it became clear that there would be no adjusting.
Please don't beat yourself up for erring (if there was error) on the side of supporting that glimmer of hope. We have to do that, because one day, that glimmer of hope may be the real thing. You have to protect the rest of your family as well, and you did that - you acted promptly when it became clear that your daughter wasn't ready.
Try not to make an emotionally devastating, tragic situation more painful by thinking that you messed up somehow here. IMHO, you didn't. At all.
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Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: WI
Posts: 1,426
Dear Newimage, I don't know what to say, except I'm sorry that addiction has attacked your family, your entire family. I think you are doing right by your daughter, her disease has made her reasoning impaired. And as I see it, the boundaries YOU set and SHE agreed to have clearly been violated. Be strong, don't give in, don't promise anything to your AD, except that you love her and always will. Take care of yourself please, you are the one that your family needs right now. I admire your honesty, it has helped myself and others, we all seem to be trapped in the same nightmare. TF
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Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Indiana, IL
Posts: 424
Although my son never directly stole from me I can relate to the self centeredness. In and out of rehabs, jail and prison and still continued. At this point, I believe he is more comfortable in prison than in the free world. Her cursing you out when you went to her court date was just terrible.
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Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 15
It takes a lot to reach out and write out our stories so that is a great first step that takes a lot to do.
You should be really proud of yourself for forcing her to leave your home. If allowed addicts will push the "I'll leave tomorrow after I do x, y,z" and nothing ever gets done and the days turn into months. In that moment when you caught her shooting up there were no ifs ands or buts..you knew for sure she was using and sometimes that is best. It is so easy to try to stay blind to a loved one's using..I know even as a recovered addict myself I would tell myself my ex was sober even though I knew the warning signs better than anyone since I lived it myself.
You're arm did not trigger her, she had been craving getting high way before that. She doesn't sound done at all and unfortunately, there is nothing you can do for an addict that isn't ready to quit except detach and take care of yourself.
I hope your family can find some peace and some sense of "normal" as we come into the holiday season. It is always tough when all we want is for our loved one to be sober and rejoin the family..but we are powerless in anything but helping ourselves.
You should be really proud of yourself for forcing her to leave your home. If allowed addicts will push the "I'll leave tomorrow after I do x, y,z" and nothing ever gets done and the days turn into months. In that moment when you caught her shooting up there were no ifs ands or buts..you knew for sure she was using and sometimes that is best. It is so easy to try to stay blind to a loved one's using..I know even as a recovered addict myself I would tell myself my ex was sober even though I knew the warning signs better than anyone since I lived it myself.
You're arm did not trigger her, she had been craving getting high way before that. She doesn't sound done at all and unfortunately, there is nothing you can do for an addict that isn't ready to quit except detach and take care of yourself.
I hope your family can find some peace and some sense of "normal" as we come into the holiday season. It is always tough when all we want is for our loved one to be sober and rejoin the family..but we are powerless in anything but helping ourselves.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: East Coast of Florida
Posts: 61
Up early as usual with my dogs who are very excited about the cold weather. I wish I could be excited about something, but yet again I am dreading going through the motions of making a happy holiday home for my younger daughter while being aware every minute of the gaping hole left by my older daughter. I have had years of practice at this point at learning how to just put it out of my mind so I can function, but at the holidays it's a little more difficult.
Sorry to be a downer today I hope all of you are able to have a wonderful Thanksgiving, and mine will not be without any happiness at all.........but. Coming here first thing may help me be able to get started with the rest of the day. I am certainly a venter and a writer of long posts!
I don't even remember know if my older daughter was with us last year at this time or not. I know she out of jail for a week and then was re-arrested- it's a blur.
My daughter went unwillingly to the rehab over a week ago. I have not heard from her.
The day she left, I sent a somewhat angry message to the friend who supplied her the drugs, 'thanking' him for his help and telling him that since he's such a good friend of hers, I'm sure he'll be also supplying her a place to live when she gets out. This was his reply, more or less:
"Who's her therapist at unity? hopefully its ***** or ***** they r both very good... GO TOO THIER FAMILY WEEKEND SESSION CAUSE THIS IS A FAMILY DISEASE AND BECAUSE YOU NEED TOO ATLEAST TRY TO FIX THINGS WITH HER... ITS NOT JUST YOU, ITS BOTH OF YALLS RESPONSIBILITY AND FAULT THAT YALL DONT GET ALONG ( that family weekend helped me and my mom communicate better and they will teach you how too deal with it also because you need too learn what is enabling and hindering (im not blaming you im saying that no one just knows how to deal with people like us.............. sorry im a wreck myself that's all im gonna say but it doesn't matter if I helped her or not she was gonna do it cause she wanted too... Don't give up on her"
Ugh. That's about all I feel like saying at the moment, other than I AM thankful for what I do have, and I am thankful that at least this year I'm pretty sure my daughter is alive, which I wasn't always sure of in the past, and that this place (soberrecovery) exists along with the wonderfully supportive people who are here and really really understand.
Sorry to be a downer today
I hope all of you are able to have a wonderful Thanksgiving, and mine will not be without any happiness at all.........but. Coming here first thing may help me be able to get started with the rest of the day. I am certainly a venter and a writer of long posts!I don't even remember know if my older daughter was with us last year at this time or not. I know she out of jail for a week and then was re-arrested- it's a blur.
My daughter went unwillingly to the rehab over a week ago. I have not heard from her.
The day she left, I sent a somewhat angry message to the friend who supplied her the drugs, 'thanking' him for his help and telling him that since he's such a good friend of hers, I'm sure he'll be also supplying her a place to live when she gets out. This was his reply, more or less:
"Who's her therapist at unity? hopefully its ***** or ***** they r both very good... GO TOO THIER FAMILY WEEKEND SESSION CAUSE THIS IS A FAMILY DISEASE AND BECAUSE YOU NEED TOO ATLEAST TRY TO FIX THINGS WITH HER... ITS NOT JUST YOU, ITS BOTH OF YALLS RESPONSIBILITY AND FAULT THAT YALL DONT GET ALONG ( that family weekend helped me and my mom communicate better and they will teach you how too deal with it also because you need too learn what is enabling and hindering (im not blaming you im saying that no one just knows how to deal with people like us.............. sorry im a wreck myself that's all im gonna say but it doesn't matter if I helped her or not she was gonna do it cause she wanted too... Don't give up on her"
Ugh. That's about all I feel like saying at the moment, other than I AM thankful for what I do have, and I am thankful that at least this year I'm pretty sure my daughter is alive, which I wasn't always sure of in the past, and that this place (soberrecovery) exists along with the wonderfully supportive people who are here and really really understand.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: East Coast of Florida
Posts: 61
Forgot to say that I am extremely thankful to everyone who has posted for me. Reading and re-reading the posts is my best therapy. So far I have received more than given, but will do my best to even that up.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Colorado
Posts: 577
I'm up early as well. I hear exactly what you are saying. I am so glad I began writing in a gratitude journal last April. It has really helped me focus on the good parts of my days. Yes, my son will miss another holiday with us. He will likely miss Christmas as well. But until he is ready to face his addiction I have no control over this. I do have something to be very excited about today...My darling niece, her husband and their 2 year old are sleeping in my house right now!!! They drove 17 hours to spend the holiday and weekend with us. It's been fun watching their little guy play with my son's old Playmobil! Loving all the happy memories...they've been overshadowed these last 6 years. I will be thinking of you today, New Image, as well as the rest of you....when I have those wobbly heart moments....when that happens I ask going to say a silent prayer for strength for all of us. Big hugs....we can and will do this!!!
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Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 13,497
NewImage,
Hello, and Happy Thanksgiving! Glad you are posting, and your posts are very helpful to others in similar situations. You seem like a strong and wise woman, whose heart is big and giving.
My thought was, on reading your first posting of this thread, that I was glad to hear that your daughter did not OD, as often happens in my hometown. Heroin is rampant in my town, and I have heard of so many recent OD's, by those just getting out of rehab, and shooting up for the first time -appears they cannot use the same amount they had previously, and accidentally kill themselves.
Because of you, your daughter has a new chance. I believe, that no matter how hopeless it may seem, the rehab at least gives them a new opportunity to get help. to see the truth. to hit a safe bottom. people DO respond to rehab, often. I am glad she gets this chance.
I can tell you WILL enjoy this time with your younger daughter. She is blessed to have a mom who is looking out for her. Do what we mommas do best- cheer her heart. I hope that you both enjoy a restful day, let your HP take over , and carry this now. you have certainly done your part, IMHO, and deserve a bit of peace and quiet.
I wish your oldest healing, and your strength and determination must surely be something she truly admires, no matter what she might say. A strong , wise, and loving parent brings much good .
my heart just goes out to you today. I just wanted to say good for you, happy your daughter is safe and in the best place for her, and I am glad she chose rehab... that says a lot, perhaps.. she could have chosen to hang with other sick ones, you know?
Happy Thanksgiving to you, and your loved ones. Each day is a gift.
Hello, and Happy Thanksgiving! Glad you are posting, and your posts are very helpful to others in similar situations. You seem like a strong and wise woman, whose heart is big and giving.
My thought was, on reading your first posting of this thread, that I was glad to hear that your daughter did not OD, as often happens in my hometown. Heroin is rampant in my town, and I have heard of so many recent OD's, by those just getting out of rehab, and shooting up for the first time -appears they cannot use the same amount they had previously, and accidentally kill themselves.
Because of you, your daughter has a new chance. I believe, that no matter how hopeless it may seem, the rehab at least gives them a new opportunity to get help. to see the truth. to hit a safe bottom. people DO respond to rehab, often. I am glad she gets this chance.
I can tell you WILL enjoy this time with your younger daughter. She is blessed to have a mom who is looking out for her. Do what we mommas do best- cheer her heart. I hope that you both enjoy a restful day, let your HP take over , and carry this now. you have certainly done your part, IMHO, and deserve a bit of peace and quiet.
I wish your oldest healing, and your strength and determination must surely be something she truly admires, no matter what she might say. A strong , wise, and loving parent brings much good .
my heart just goes out to you today. I just wanted to say good for you, happy your daughter is safe and in the best place for her, and I am glad she chose rehab... that says a lot, perhaps.. she could have chosen to hang with other sick ones, you know?
Happy Thanksgiving to you, and your loved ones. Each day is a gift.
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Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Somewhere out there
Posts: 2,249
So very sorry you are going through this. Addiction sucks plain and simple. I liked your last post. In the midst of the awful pain you feel, you found something to be thankful for. That can be hard when facing the hurt and suffering of having a child addict. Wishing you peace and love today. Wishing this for all of us on this holiday. It can be agonizing for some, especially if they lost a loved one to addiction this year. My sister-in-law lost her son this past winter. It is her first Thanksgiving without him. I can't imagine. God Bless you and your daughter today. Maybe this time will be different. I have found I have to leave it all in God's hands. It is much bigger than I can handle alone.
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Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 1,698
Dear New Image, I too have had many holidays when my oldest was either high in jail or in rehab. It is very hard to be "normal" when addiction is in our lives. I am grateful that we can comfort each other and find that our situations are sadly not unique. Sending a prayer to all Mammas and Pappas and family members who are feeling down and sad today.
Hugs
Teresa
Hugs
Teresa
One Day At A Time
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: The Middle Distance
Posts: 197
Another mom here. You and your family are in my prayers during the holidays and beyond.
It may sound strange but please do whatever you have to do to take care of yourself. In my experience, even though I never stopped loving my daughter, taking care of myself is how I survived...
They may be our children but they are not babies. In a lot of cases they are adults and they have the right to make their own choices. But so do we.
My daughter stayed with us for three weeks last May while she was waiting in get into rehab. One day when I walked into the room she hurriedly clicked out of an online conversation she was having. That's all it took for me to change the access password on my computer. She accused me of trying to control her by not allowing her to use my computer. I told her I had no objection to her using a computer. She could get a job and buy her own computer and use it for whatever she chose to her heart's content. But because of what I had learned in my own recovery I felt like I had the right to some control in my own life and home. I felt and expressed confidence about taking care of myself and that included her not using my computer to connect with friends who I didn't want anywhere near my home.
She has been in rehab now for six months and seems to be learning that there is more to living than the next fix...I believe in miracles and hope she is one of them but in the meantime I continue to work on my own recovery.
Keep reading and posting here. It has a been a lifesaver for me....
It may sound strange but please do whatever you have to do to take care of yourself. In my experience, even though I never stopped loving my daughter, taking care of myself is how I survived...
They may be our children but they are not babies. In a lot of cases they are adults and they have the right to make their own choices. But so do we.
My daughter stayed with us for three weeks last May while she was waiting in get into rehab. One day when I walked into the room she hurriedly clicked out of an online conversation she was having. That's all it took for me to change the access password on my computer. She accused me of trying to control her by not allowing her to use my computer. I told her I had no objection to her using a computer. She could get a job and buy her own computer and use it for whatever she chose to her heart's content. But because of what I had learned in my own recovery I felt like I had the right to some control in my own life and home. I felt and expressed confidence about taking care of myself and that included her not using my computer to connect with friends who I didn't want anywhere near my home.
She has been in rehab now for six months and seems to be learning that there is more to living than the next fix...I believe in miracles and hope she is one of them but in the meantime I continue to work on my own recovery.
Keep reading and posting here. It has a been a lifesaver for me....
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: East Coast of Florida
Posts: 61
Missed a call from the rehab yesterday. Felt bad that I missed it, and glad that I missed it. Her leaving was such a flurry of activity.........I worked a 10 hour day, drove home, picked her up, drove to the rehab in a blinding rainstorm during which we had no conversation at all.........that there was no discussion about the future whatsoever. Once again all her stuff is here, all arranged just as she left it. Once again dreading her being out.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Eastern Time Zone
Posts: 1,011
NewImage: Reading about your daughter's behavior above reminds me of Michael Keaton in the movie Clean and Sober. Morgan Freeman is his rehab counselor, and during a conversation about wanting to make a phone call (against the rules), Keaton went through every emotion described above. Freeman's responses were priceless. If you are into movies, it might help you to continue releasing your emotions.
Your daughter's emotions mirror my AS (now age 27). They are adolescents in an adult world, and it sure does look nasty on the outside. You did the right thing. I would dare say you could have asked her to leave earlier in her stay when the tantrums started. But I know how difficult it is to be a prison guard to an adult living in our own home when you really just want to be a helpful parent. That drama does get old after a while, doesn't it?
Keep coming back. You did the right thing.
Your daughter's emotions mirror my AS (now age 27). They are adolescents in an adult world, and it sure does look nasty on the outside. You did the right thing. I would dare say you could have asked her to leave earlier in her stay when the tantrums started. But I know how difficult it is to be a prison guard to an adult living in our own home when you really just want to be a helpful parent. That drama does get old after a while, doesn't it?
Keep coming back. You did the right thing.
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