pravchaw

Connected with my son today. He looked bad (unshaven, sallow skin, dull eyes) but sober. He said he went to the out patient clinic a couple of days but its too far. He said he has found another one closer and will go there next week. I am not holding my breath. It is clear he is not done yet. Another 2 days, 2 years or 20? Only he and his HP knows.

Lotusangel

Pravchaw, the good thing is you got to see him and know that he is still alive. It's a small blessing but still a blessing Stay strong.

pravchaw

Yes, when there is life there is hope. I am going out of town for a few days for work so hopefully I can disengage mentally.

I encouraged him to go to an in patient detox facility. He needs to be off substances for awhile so he can think rationally. I am not sure if I got through. Next to jumping him and hogtying him and hauling his sorry a@@ to rehab there is nothing much I can do. He is 21.

BlueChair

Im sorry, that must have been hard to see him like that. But he cant see it, can he? I wonder what they think when in active addiction and they look in the mirror? How can they not see?

pravchaw

No contact with my son this week. He has not returned phone calls. I want to go to his room to see him but i have to control my thoughts and turn his welfare to god. I hope he is not too far from, where he will seek help. Please let me know of your techniques to cope in these situations.

Kindeyes

When my son was beaten (pistol whipped & shot at--bullet went through his collar), I thought I was going to die. I came so close to losing him. The crushed bones in his hand, the crescent shaped lacerations all over his skull.......broke my heart. But amazingly, that incident is what helped me let go of my fear......and let him go. Prayer, exercise and meetings. Thank God I had been working a strong program of recovery prior to that incident.....thank God I had a sponsor to lean on. I did what I needed to do to take care of me. I don't know why that broke through my fear....you'd think it would elevate it to new highs.....but it didn't.

Keep working on you Pravchaw. I think as we gain serenity and perspective. As we begin to get and stay healthier.....we provide a light showing them it can be done. And if they don't see it and follow it, it's still good......we've done what we need to do to survive.

You and your dear son are in my prayers this morning.

gentle gentle hugs
ke

lonelystar

Hi

I use breathing techniques and try to keep busy I try to remember that I have no say in what the future brings its normal to have these feelings and thoughts. I think the only thing we can do is try to stay sane take care of the the family we have and accept what is.

Lotusangel

I just try and breathe and remind myself that I cannot control it. No matter how much I want him to be safe and sober, only he can make that choice. This morning started off with texts and calls that I am not sure are related to a relapse that has happened or is going to happen or continuing to happen...:/ I simply had to not response and left it with a simple "I love you and will support your sobriety." It doesn't matter what I say at this time because if it's not what he wants to hear, then I'm the bad guy. I'm not going to take the blame. I just hope that he makes good decisions and reevaluate his position to get back on track. I'm trying very hard to stay away from any drama. I'm just too tired. God help him and me and all of us. I still have hope though.

pravchaw

Thank you, all. This morning I felt weak. However my son is as well as is to be expected. He called and I picked him up for lunch. He looked a lot better than last week. He was neatly dressed and his eyes were clear. He said he went to the outpatient counselling for 2 days last week. I am hopeful today.

For the senses wander, and when one lets the mind follow them, it carries wisdom away like a windblown ship on the waters.”
― The Bhagavad Gita

mirken

Hi Pravchaw,

My heart is twinging as I read your posts about your son... My son left my life almost 2 years ago. He's using and dealing drugs. I've had contact with him several times over that last 2 years but it was only because he either wanted me to do something for him or he wanted money from me. When he left my home my heart was breaking... I'd wake up in the middle of the night thinking of him and all throughout the day he consumed my thoughts... I have to keep telling myself to "let go and let God" it's the only thing I can do to cope with the situation. I realize I cannot control the addiction or him... he's the one making the choices and it's his journey through life not mine... I am on my own path to recovery and whilst the sadness of his life will always have me crying on the inside, I will try and embrace life and whatever happiness I can on the outside.. because life is too short not to enjoy it's simplest pleasures... I will be praying for you to cope with your loss ... Stay strong!