tattoo90

I've been with my boyfriend a little over four years and I don't know how much longer I can take. He is never going to change. My boyfriend shoots OxyContin and heroin. He used to do it all the time and now he does it about once a week (that I know of) he always blames his drug use on his childhood(he was beaten every day by his dad) and says I don't know the things he goes through. These past few months, he went to his doctors and they've prescribed him Zoloft and other non addicting medicines to try and stable his mental health. He even did a group therapy session for three weeks..it seemed to me that he was doing great and he even told me that it's the first time in a long time that he was happy. I came home last night early from work and found him high as a kit in my room. All I have to do is hear him laugh/talk or just get a glimpse of him and I can tell that he's high. I hate that I could be having the best day ever and all I have to do it hear it in his voice and my day is completely ruined. I hate that he always starts telling me that I'm selfish because I ask him to leave when he's high..I just can't be around that anymore. He tries to put it on me like I'm a bitch and that he would never do that to me..I love him with all my heart, but I just don't know what to do. I tried seperation but that doesn't work..I just don't know what to do.

tattoo90

He also always says he wants to kill himself but that the only reason he doesn't is because of me..I'm sure that's just a way to try to manipulate me..but it bothers me tremendously.

KKE

Sounds like you're really in the thick of it all. I'm sorry you're having to live like this. It's awful when you know just by looking at them they're high. I know that look and that stupid voice, I've wanted to slap my partner so hard in the past when I've come home to him like that.

What happened when you separated last time? I'm assuming you left?

tattoo90

Well, I helped him get a place of his own because he is so non self sufficient..and when he finally moved out, I just didn't want to talk to him for weeks..I thought that would help both of us. I honestly, can be alone I just always miss him..he's such a great person when he's not high.

KKE

Yeah, I get that although I used to find that when my A wasn't high even those moments were tense because I was waiting for the next time or putting up with his A behaviour.

You found him a place? Sounds like he relies on you as we'll as manipulates you with his "I want to kill myself" stuff. It can all be so exhausting can't it?

wicked

To me, this is the worst kind of manipulation, using your feelings for him
to terrorize you into supporting him.
He does it because it works.

Why didn't separation work?

Tattoo, what do you want to do with your life?
It is your life and you do not have to live with an emotionally manipulating heroin/oxy addict.

Have you ever heard of NarAnon or AlAnon?
It is a great support group for people who love addicts.
You would meet some wonderful people who understand your frustration and pain.

It sounds like a terrible way to live.
I knew when my ex smoked crack as soon as he spoke two words,
even over the phone!
It is awful what we become used to in the name of keeping the "relationship".
You need a break from him.

If he threatens suicide again, you could call 911, if he is for real,
he will be with people who can truly help him.
If it is emotional blackmail, maybe a trip to the ER will put a stop to that maneuver.

You have found a great place for support and people who understand.

My name is Beth and my oldest son is an addict.

He is a brilliant man (not just me saying that he is a math genius) but his
life is centered around his drug of choice.
Now, it is methadone. It was heroin.
He went to prison for a crime he committed while high to get money for more drugs.

I hope you find some help and support for yourself.

Beth

tattoo90

Yes..omg that's exactly how I feel too..I'm always just waiting for him to use..I dream about it and everything. Yes, he does rely on me for everything ..he's gotten better about it because I've just stopped doing everything for him so he pretty much has to do it himself. I find myself sleeping all day on my days off because i just don't want to deal with anything.

wicked

Why is it your job to support a grown man?

Because he is a great person when he is not high?

Do you have any friends or family and do they know of his problem?

I grew up with alcoholism, and I became an alcoholic.
I also married two alcoholics.
It was what I knew, the life I was destined to live (I thought).

do you think you were born to support an addict?
I know that addicts are not good relationship partners,
not just my experience, but from others too.

I really want to understand you and get to know you tattoo.
Of course you need someone to talk to, and there are many here who have lived the life you are living.
It gets worse.
Although, oxy/heroin is pretty bad.
He says he is a once a week user?
I have never known an addict to be a recreational addict.

But, I have run on too long. What about you tattoo?

How do you take care of yourself?

Beth

tattoo90

I'm sorry to hear that as well..I don't know what happened honestly with the seperation. I just ended up believing him once more because that was when he told me he was finally going to get help from his doctors and I wanted to help him. I guess that was my mistake.

KKE

It's so much easier said than done but maybe you do need a little break like Beth has suggested? All the obsessing is so unhealthy and rubbish for your mental health. I'm not surprised you're sleeping a lot, but look, even then you don't get respite because you dream about him using. I'm a fine one to talk when it comes to having a break and obsessing, it's so hard to do and i have rarely achieved it, but it sounds like you're making small steps by doing less for him? Maybe just another small push to help yourself? Small steps if you can?

tattoo90

My family does know of his problems..my stepdad suffers from the same thing. I don't believe him to be telling me the truth that he only does it once a week..

I don't want to deal with this **** either, I just hate the fact that I won't be able to be with him..I really do love him and it makes me miserable to think that we can't be together. He is my best friend..it's just starting to take a toll on me. I'm young. I'm only 23.

I feel like I've thrown all my frustrations into my job. I hate my job, but I feel it's my only solace at the moment. I don't talk about this to anyone because I've just always been that way. My dad died in front of me when I was 12 and since the , I've just bottled everything up and this is my first time that I'm coming out and needing to talk to someone. I know it's not healthy.

tattoo90

Yes..I told him today that he has to leave and I honestly have gotten to he point where I'm starting not to care. I want him gone..I just hope I can stay away from him for long than a week this time. It's so relaxing at my house when he's not here.

wicked

Thank you tattoo.

Yes, we want to believe so badly they mean it this time.
Surely this is the time they will "get" it.

I do not think it is a mistake to want to help people,
but with people like addicts, they just take and never give back.

It sounds like from what you have said he went to his doctors,
but instead of getting help, he got more drugs.
Sadly, this happens many many times.
One more part of the addiction.
Doctor shopping and prescription hopping.

I hope you can find some face to face support.
Sober Recovery is wonderful, I love it.
But seeing a doctor, or going to meetings is so important for you.

Sleeping all day sounds like you could be a little depressed.
If you have been feeling like this for more than two weeks,
I would gently suggest you might need a doctor to help you.
but, I have a depressive disorder myself, so, I might be seeing it,
when it is not there.

Remember, you must take care of yourself.
An addict will take all your resources, time, energy, money, love,
and can not give anything in return.

What can you do for yourself today tattoo?

Beth

KKE

I'm sorry you've suffered with the loss of your dad :-(

Enjoy the relaxation while you've got it. Sounds like you haven't had much of it in your life recently so grab hold of the opportunity to relax and enjoy the peace without him around, even if its just for a while.

wicked

You are incredibly brave tattoo.
Thank you for sharing your struggle.
No, none of us are that healthy, or we would not be here.
I am so glad you are here, yes, you will be able to speak of this terrible loss here.
And once you open up, you can take steps to get better, feel better.

I am so deeply sad about the death of your father.
What a scary and awful thing to happen to a young girl.

I have been one to keep my pain inside too.
I have been deeply depressed and I drank for twenty years.
But, it is possible to recover.
It is a wonderful thing you are still so young.
You have already learned some hard won lessons in life.

Now, it is time for you and only you to grow.

This is key to recovery I think.
It sounds like you are detaching from him,
you no longer need or want the chaos that comes from living with him.
It could be great progress and a beginning to taking care of yourself.

If you drop him from the front of your mind,
he will slowly but surely become less important to you.

Have you tried going No contact yet?
You tell him, you do not want to hear from him at all,
and then (if you mean it and can do it)
block him from calling or messaging you.

This way, it is easier to stop thinking of him because he cannot interrupt your peace.
Your quiet.
Your life.

Beth

I have been yakking my head off to you tattoo.
LOL
maybe it is too much?
I will take my dog for a walk.
We both need some air.

tattoo90

Lol! No,not at all. Your words give me comfort. Thank you again. I'm going to enjoy myself for a while and just try to reflect on everything.

Shiek

Tat I am so sorry you are going through this, this is the eye of the storm as some might say or a cross roads, you have endured a lot and a relationship is supposed to be a happy healthy thing, where two people reciprocate positive feelings for one another and trust each other, your situation eerily sounds identical to mine, one day I woke up and thought is this what I want for the rest of my life? To constantly be paranoid and exhausted mentally? I decided no, the lies and the manipulation start to unravel the threads of the relationship after a point and I think at one point it's just too late to patch it up, my ex was my best friend too, the love of my life, my angel, but he was troubled and he just couldn't hold on after a while and slipped through the cracks no matter how much I held on. ...I like to remind myself of the saying, it's always darkest before the dawn, you deserve to wake up every morning and expect a GREAT day, we all do! I hope whatever you choose to do to resolve this situation for yourself you feel better.

Baloo

Tattoo, welcome and thanks for sharing. This site is great for many things. I just came back to it and mostly reading lately, but I get a lot out of it. I feel responsible for a grown-up addict and it sounds really iffy every time I think of it that way.

wicked

Yup, exactly. thank you, it helps me to look at it that way too.
(my son is grown up, time for him to be responsible for himself, AND me to let go)

that bear in your pic looks ready to play euchre!

Beth

gfwhoneverknew

Tattoo90 & KKE.......what does the high voice sound like?? My bf did the oxys..is it just a hyper kinda voice....I'm going back in mind trying to recall it?? Tattoo90 I'm sry this happening...goin thru my own relationship w an addict.