first post...I have no idea what to do.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Lexington Park
Posts: 6
Thank-you all so much for the encouraging words. I am sure that everyone has complications like I am about to share, but I need to start to get these things out because I think just typing them out will help me tremendously.
We have been married for three years now, and have a beautiful 2 yr old daughter, and a smart and outgoing 12 year old son.
I found out later that she was abusing pills before we even got together. Shortly after the birth of our daughter her mother, and 8 yr old brother(he is now 12), moved in with us. They re-located from Charlotte to help out with the little lady and get her brother into a better school. Realistically though I think the move was more for my wife to have her mother close for access to the pills her mother got. Her mother has been the biggest enabler of my wifes abuse and I was kept in the dark for the better portion of a year and a half. Her mother now realizes the amount of damage she has done to her daughter and is totally distraught. For the past two years I opened my house to my in-laws. Two weeks ago my mother-in-law made the move to Florida, which is what set off this last round of abuse. I know that her mother want my wife to get better, I just don't know how much resolve she has or if she is even capable of saying no. Her mother came up this weekend and was able to see the state that her daughter was in, and could not believe how bad she has gotten. Right now her mother is the only one that can have a reasonable conversation with my wife. I am not sure it is enough to talk her into therapy but it is worth a shot.
Actually I don't believe that at all, I think that something drastic has to happen before anything changes.
There is so much more I want to say but I am mentally and emotional exhausted and I have to get up for work in the morning so that I can catch up on all that stress. It really sucks to get stress from every angle, homelife, financial, and work.
How was everyone able to set time aside for themselves when there is so much to think about.
Once again thanks for the support and I do look forward to reading all of the responses it gives me great encouragement.
We have been married for three years now, and have a beautiful 2 yr old daughter, and a smart and outgoing 12 year old son.
I found out later that she was abusing pills before we even got together. Shortly after the birth of our daughter her mother, and 8 yr old brother(he is now 12), moved in with us. They re-located from Charlotte to help out with the little lady and get her brother into a better school. Realistically though I think the move was more for my wife to have her mother close for access to the pills her mother got. Her mother has been the biggest enabler of my wifes abuse and I was kept in the dark for the better portion of a year and a half. Her mother now realizes the amount of damage she has done to her daughter and is totally distraught. For the past two years I opened my house to my in-laws. Two weeks ago my mother-in-law made the move to Florida, which is what set off this last round of abuse. I know that her mother want my wife to get better, I just don't know how much resolve she has or if she is even capable of saying no. Her mother came up this weekend and was able to see the state that her daughter was in, and could not believe how bad she has gotten. Right now her mother is the only one that can have a reasonable conversation with my wife. I am not sure it is enough to talk her into therapy but it is worth a shot.
Actually I don't believe that at all, I think that something drastic has to happen before anything changes.
There is so much more I want to say but I am mentally and emotional exhausted and I have to get up for work in the morning so that I can catch up on all that stress. It really sucks to get stress from every angle, homelife, financial, and work.
How was everyone able to set time aside for themselves when there is so much to think about.
Once again thanks for the support and I do look forward to reading all of the responses it gives me great encouragement.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: The Jungle
Posts: 5,435
Welcome to SR. I hope you find comfort and some answers here.
Many of us have lived the chaos you are currently experiencing. It doesn't feel good (yeah....that's the understatement of the year, isn't it?)
Some of the most important things I did for myself was to get help from others who knew more than I did about addiction. I found a good therapist and got myself into Nar-Anon meetings. I learned a couple of important things.
I learned that my life became unmanageable as I tried to control the addicts behavior.
I learned that I could control my reactions.
I learned that changing my behavior could change the relationship dynamic.
I learned that I wasn't alone.
I learned that just because someone (the addict) says something doesn't make it true.
I learned how to set boundaries.
Most importantly I found serenity in the midst of some pretty heartbreaking stuff.
You, your children, and your dear wife will be in my prayers.
gentle hugs
ke
Many of us have lived the chaos you are currently experiencing. It doesn't feel good (yeah....that's the understatement of the year, isn't it?)
Some of the most important things I did for myself was to get help from others who knew more than I did about addiction. I found a good therapist and got myself into Nar-Anon meetings. I learned a couple of important things.
I learned that my life became unmanageable as I tried to control the addicts behavior.
I learned that I could control my reactions.
I learned that changing my behavior could change the relationship dynamic.
I learned that I wasn't alone.
I learned that just because someone (the addict) says something doesn't make it true.
I learned how to set boundaries.
Most importantly I found serenity in the midst of some pretty heartbreaking stuff.
You, your children, and your dear wife will be in my prayers.
gentle hugs
ke
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