Hi I am new and have addicted exbf and feel bad
Getting there!!
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 5,750
Originally Posted by maya77 
I am 35 years old, old enough to know better. Self preservation come first. I cannot help him anyway.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 10
how likely is this person to come back and contact me? I do not want to be paranoid, we dated briefly but he seemed upset when it ended (even though according to him he has a new gf) I just do not want to be paranoid. Cause we meet in a restaurant and now my family wants me to avoid places close to the city we live and it seems unfair to me, but I do not want to run into him after all I have read here
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Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Dallas TX
Posts: 2,282
maya77,
You are a free person in a free country.Go where you want to go.Do not let an
ADDICT define the boundaries of a free person.
BTW,your actions are very strong.Do not relent.In my case it came to changing
my phone #.I worried that an industrious person could just make the effort via other
venues to contact me (FB,etc.).But,addicts are LAZY.Count on it.They are also very
pragmatic.They won't give chase when there are SO MANY potential hostages out
there!
They look for the weak,and avoid the strong.It's sort of like being
(agressively) panhandled.They love it when you lower your eyes,mumble
about 'not having much on me'........and hate it when you look them
straight in the eye and say "NO,this is my money--I earned it,and I don't
give it away".
And no,I am not one of those people who are hurtful to those in need.
But when the vibe is that of a 'soft stickup'(give me money or SOMETHING
might happen).......I make sure they walk away from the exchange unlikely
to repeat such aggressiveness.
maya77,you are no pushover.You'll do just fine!
You are a free person in a free country.Go where you want to go.Do not let an
ADDICT define the boundaries of a free person.
BTW,your actions are very strong.Do not relent.In my case it came to changing
my phone #.I worried that an industrious person could just make the effort via other
venues to contact me (FB,etc.).But,addicts are LAZY.Count on it.They are also very
pragmatic.They won't give chase when there are SO MANY potential hostages out
there!
They look for the weak,and avoid the strong.It's sort of like being
(agressively) panhandled.They love it when you lower your eyes,mumble
about 'not having much on me'........and hate it when you look them
straight in the eye and say "NO,this is my money--I earned it,and I don't
give it away".
And no,I am not one of those people who are hurtful to those in need.
But when the vibe is that of a 'soft stickup'(give me money or SOMETHING
might happen).......I make sure they walk away from the exchange unlikely
to repeat such aggressiveness.
maya77,you are no pushover.You'll do just fine!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 10
I was in an abusive relationship (non addict) for almost 8 years and when I talked to the guy who is an addict I did the opposite that I did before... I let go, told him I was going to cut my losses, told him I am not about to jeopardize my sanity and peace and life over him.
and he got mad and called me arrogant. But I see it now. And you are right, even if I see him again (by chance not because I want to) I will just stay my ground. I do not want to be afraid of going out. I am no victim.
and he got mad and called me arrogant. But I see it now. And you are right, even if I see him again (by chance not because I want to) I will just stay my ground. I do not want to be afraid of going out. I am no victim.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Port Arthur, Tx.
Posts: 5
Good for you realizing you can't make him want what you have. Our sobriety is the most important thing we have, for without it we are right back where we started. I too have a friend that I care about very much, but she can't seem to get that she is the problem. She still wants to blame her mother, all I can do is pray for her.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Kansas
Posts: 10,182
Originally Posted by maya77
Wow thanks so much everyone. Today i downloaded an app and blocked any number not on my contacts and the alarm company is coming tomorrow. I am not taking any risks on this situation. My gut is telling he will be back, but i am being proactive. He will not damage my life.
I spent 5 years in hell with my EXAH (now deceased) and wouldn't wish that on anyone.
You have a good head on your shoulders.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 10
There was a car parked in front of my house with the lights on a few minutes ago. It is pretty dark but his car is light colored and so was this car. I went downstairs to look for my cell and when i turned the downstairs lights the car speeded up. I am begging God is not him. The things is my house is in a cul-de-sac and there is no traffic. I thought it was someone picking up my neighbohrs daughter but no one came from their house.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Canada
Posts: 81
I read in a book on manipulation that manipulators like the path of least resistance, if manipulation and control is hard work, they move on quickly. If you're not taking his calls, and you weren't involved with him for a long time, he's probably not going to make such an effort to get back in your life, if you haven't taken the codependent bait to go along with his drama. Just stick to your no contact and he'll most likely give up.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 32
I mean Maya77,
u are absolutely taking the right decision. HOW LUCKY and strong u are being! If someone would have said to me "leave that addict" from the beginning I wouldn't have listened cos he was so gorgeous. But if I could go back now...hell I would walk as far from him as I could! I thank everyone who shared their experience here cos I don't feel alone. When we were together me and my ex the 1st few months he was so into me that he was quitting cold turkey but obviously he made a mess and he scared me so much...his anger was evil and he would scream nasty words, would shut the doors, would feel suicidal, would complain about every little thing. I was loosing my mind...i did not know anything about his addiction at that time and I thought he may have some mental issues or just a big depression. I did not know this awful world made of white powder so I wanted to help him, also because I was so in love. then I realized...it was coke. he could not even have an erection and we never had sex...see how much I was lost I did NOT care about it...but I needed love and just the thought of being close to him was enough. the payback was him blaming me for EVERYTHING , spreading BS about me in the village where we live and having all the ppl lookin at me like i'm the devil. I was to blame cos he relapsed...I was to blame cos he could not have sex...i was all the wrong he could meet. now....my esteem is at my feet and he is going to live with his brand-new victim. i'm sure he's taking viagra now. viagra n coke what a nice mix!! well....good luck to my PIG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!he'll need it!!
u are absolutely taking the right decision. HOW LUCKY and strong u are being! If someone would have said to me "leave that addict" from the beginning I wouldn't have listened cos he was so gorgeous. But if I could go back now...hell I would walk as far from him as I could! I thank everyone who shared their experience here cos I don't feel alone. When we were together me and my ex the 1st few months he was so into me that he was quitting cold turkey but obviously he made a mess and he scared me so much...his anger was evil and he would scream nasty words, would shut the doors, would feel suicidal, would complain about every little thing. I was loosing my mind...i did not know anything about his addiction at that time and I thought he may have some mental issues or just a big depression. I did not know this awful world made of white powder so I wanted to help him, also because I was so in love. then I realized...it was coke. he could not even have an erection and we never had sex...see how much I was lost I did NOT care about it...but I needed love and just the thought of being close to him was enough. the payback was him blaming me for EVERYTHING , spreading BS about me in the village where we live and having all the ppl lookin at me like i'm the devil. I was to blame cos he relapsed...I was to blame cos he could not have sex...i was all the wrong he could meet. now....my esteem is at my feet and he is going to live with his brand-new victim. i'm sure he's taking viagra now. viagra n coke what a nice mix!! well....good luck to my PIG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!he'll need it!!
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