maya77

I meet this guy recently and also recently realized he has addiction issues. I had to cut him off and feel awfully guilty. He is a good person but I am very afraid of drugs and he is on the deep end with them.

I just feel really bad and do not want him to die.

jerect

Good for you for cutting him off.. DO NOT FEEL GUILTY!!!! You have done nothing wrong.. the last thing you want to do is get involved with an addict.. once involved they are hell to get rid of.. Do not feel bad for him, he made the choice to be an addict and therefore he has to make a choice to get clean.. no matter what you do or didnt do, he would not have stopped using..

Yes some drug addicts die.. thats part of the disease, some addicts also go to prison and all addicts will drain you dry financially and emotionally if you stay involved with them for any period of time..

maya77

First at all, the person I meet and the person he becomes when he uses are 2 different people. The second person scares the living hell out of me.

I texted him and left a voicemail saying I hope he gets clean and sober. I do care but I cannot screw up my life over him. I just can't.

jerect

Walk away and cut off your contact with this person.. because if you dont, he will suck you back in...trust me on this.. addicts can be very manipulative and cunning..

maya77

I have blocked him from my email and my cell. He actually never answered my phones and texts about him getting clean and sober. But I do have the feeling he will be contacting me again and for what I have read on this boars, I am better off just blocking him NOW that I am not involved.

Does anyone knows if addicts damage relationships with sane people? Like one moment he wants me the next he hates me but it seemed like I was talking to the drug not to him. When he is sober he is a nice person.

MiSoberbio

It sounds like you heard your gut, your intuition, tell you to cut contact with him. That's how it should be, maya77 – your inner sense knows what is good for you, and what is bad. And no one, nowhere in the world, has a healthy relationship with a person who is an "active" addict. I hate to be so absolute, but it's like expecting blood to come from a stone -- it cannot happen.

For your sake, I hope you will be strong and keep your distance from this person. So many of us here have had their lives torn to shreds by a relationship with an addicted person (although many of us contributed to our own suffering... that's beyond the scope of this reply). You seem to be in touch with yourself, and you seem to know where your boundaries are. Stick with them, please.

And don't feel bad for your friend -- when he is ready to stop suffering he will seek help. You will never be that help for him. Protect yourself and live well, my friend.

jerect

YES!!!! Drug addicts damage every relationship that they find themselves in and it will cause a sane person to feel like they have completely fallen off the deep end in crazy-ville..

When my ex was sober he was a nice person, hell when he was high for the most part he was a nice person.. Nice has nothing to do with a relationship working between a sober person and an addict..

I can't even describe to you the hell i lived in for 5 years with a "nice" person.. hell I could have avoided if I had listioned to my gut and saw the red flags in the beginning.. You have listoned to your gut and your gut is never ever wrong!!!!! You have done the right thing by walking away and hopefully avoiding further contact with him.. if you can block his number as well.. trust me he will try to contact you again..

Keep posting and reading here and read the book Codependent No More by Melodie Beattie..

dollydo

Addiction has tenacles that reach far and wide. These tenacles adversely effect everyone they come in contact with. I agree, he will contact you again, 99% of them do, go no contact now, let him go, addicts do not have relationships...they take prisoners.

incitingsilence

I am not sure addicts take prisoners, they just seem to find willing participants. Maya, you don’t have to be one.

Sometimes fear is a good thing, if he scares you pay attention to that and understand that the drugs don’t necessarily do that, it is something within him that comes out with the drugs. The act of using is just a symptom of the disease anyway, not using won’t fix him, only working on himself and finding his why’s will.

You have no reason to be guilty. You should want the life and future you want. It is ok to know what you want so if you can not live with someone using then you can’t. Keep it simple and try not to over complicate it. Also please know you can not save him and you can not make him worse but severing the ties.

Take good care of you.

dk914

The best decision your making is by cutting him off. I wish I knew about addiction and just how bad it is when I met my ex 3 years ago. Iknew he had this problem yet I didnt really understand the severity of it. I Ignored every Red flag that was thrown at me. I thought if i ignored it, it would go away. Boy was I wrong. I mean It was all great at first, I loved how i felt with him. But sadly, mostly they were when he was high. It wasnt until this past year when his habit got really bad and had a bad affect on our relationship. So here I am, a single mother. I really starting to lose myself and not know who I was anymore. I became so caught up in his addiction taht I forgot all about myself. But after all the heartache and pain, im trying not to think of the what ifs and also how stupid i was to fall for this crap and continue in a relationship with an addict. I can only move on and learn from this and work on myself. But trust me and everyone else when they say DONT GET INVOLVED WITH AN ADDICT.

Reed30

Maya77- I was guilty too when I left my EXABF 4 months ago. But he lied and hid his addiction from me. He got arrested that is how I found out . Like others my guy was nice and made me laugh, I was In love with him thought we were getting married- heading that way. Well, like you I want nothing to do with drugs I've never been around any. My ex knew that. But looking back there were lies everywhere and flags. It was one of the hardest things I've ever done.. Leaving him. But I had to look out for myself.

Be proud of yourself for sticking to your beliefs. My ex contacted me too in beginning, but eventually after getting no where sent email saying he was angry i left him ..if I loved him I Wouldn't have left him. Are you kidding me?!?! Now I realize he was manipulating me, of course I didn't respond.

But don't feel guilty, I know it might suck now bc you might feel bad. But remember addiction is forever, even if they are in recovery. Why I felt so guilty after is that my ex is going to rehab and therapy and doing "right" things...but after reading so many posts on SR going to nar-anon, therapy and reading about addiction, I know i made the right decision. You need to focus on YOU and your needs. it's awesome that you are so strong

maya77

Thanks!!! My nephew and i are together now but he is leaving on saturday and tomorrow i will have an alarm system installed (will get the quote) because i live alone and my house is somehow isolated and he knows where i am and the last time we talked he was very emotionally vested (i wasn't) and i have the feeling once he comes out of his dos he either will try to contact me or come here. I need an alarm system anyway. If he comes here i will call the cops. He has no rights over my property.

maya77

I read here also that 99% come back in contact. Maybe i should just change my phone number then.

Relievednow

Maya, you've done the right thing. I was going through the same situation last month. You must put yourself first and take care of yourself. I know it's really hard as your ex, like mine, was probably great person - apart from when he was using/on a come down, you want to help but the truth is they can only help themselves when they are ready. When an addict realises you will tolerate their substance abuse and all the craziness that goes along with it, the situation will get worse. Eventually you feel alone even when you're still in a relationship. Stay strong, you can and will get through this and after a while you'll find that life' s a lot calmer and stress free

Said

LISTEN TO EVERYONE ON THIS SITE AND DO NOT CONTINUE A RELATIONSHIP WITH THIS PERSON. It will waste a large part of your life, your sanity, and your self-esteem. I spent 6 years in hell and continue to go through some measure of it every day, 1.5 years later, from the after effects and just trying to put my life back together again. Take care of yourself and stay away from an addict. There are so many other people in the world to get to know. Don't take the bait on this one.

dollydo

You can block his number on both your land line and cell. I did disconnect my land line (really didn't need it) as he kept calling me from different numbers, of coarse, I just hung up when I heard his voice, but it was getting real annoying.

Lara

If I had known what journey I was about to embark on that very first night I met H over 15 years ago.... I will never forget it - he was charming, gorgeous, smiling. I happened to walk into a restaurant which he owned. This trendy seafront 'beach bar' on a beautiful island - with the most magnificent views. He bought me a margarita cocktail. The sun was just setting. We laughed and talked and danced till dawn. If I had known this beautiful, intelligent man was an addict - or was to become one over the years - I would have called on the moon to cancel the sunset - tossed my drink into the ocean and walked away.... and saved myself years of hell.

maya77

Wow thanks so much everyone. Today i downloaded an app and blocked any number not on my contacts and the alarm company is coming tomorrow. I am not taking any risks on this situation. My gut is telling he will be back, but i am being proactive. He will not damage my life.

lightseeker

Do what ever it takes to avoid this situation. You are fortunate to have escaped. I know you see two sides of him - but the addict side is going to prevail unless he ever gets into recovery.

The thing is - you think that you know the "nice" side of him....only it is a part of the addict side of him too. He might not REALLY be nice at all without the addict side of him happy that he is able to use.

My ex had a wonderful side....only it slipped away when he got sober but didn't work a recovery program. The addict in him was slowly but surely chipping away at his sobriety. He behavior became so horrible that I left him.

Addicts don't have relationships - they take hostages. I hope that you do everything to avoid any further interaction. I wish that someone had gotten to me this early in my involvement with my ex.....If I had found this site in the first month or so of dating him I truly believe that I could have listened. By the time that I found SR 5 months into my relationship with him I was too far in to be able to walk away. I tried numerous times but by then I was already so far down in the hole with him that I couldn't leave.

I waited until he destroyed everything and almost killed me. Oh to have avoided ALL of it.

maya77

I am 35 years old, old enough to know better. Self preservation come first. I cannot help him anyway.