TearsforSon

I talked with my Grandmother for awhile today. My uncle took her to the doctor yesterday then he called my dad and they got into an argument over AS.
She is drained physically and mentally, I think she is starting to realize she cant save AS but maybe doesnt have the heart to kick him out? I told her if AS had just shown us he was working on recovery we would do more but he has shown us the opposite.
I just dont know what to do, I feel a responsibility to my Grandmother but then again she let him live there against our wishes and warnings.
I still have not talked to my dad, sad because we have always been close. What is that saying "Let go or be dragged" well I'm letting go and letting God.

crazybabie

Tears, I am sure you are aware of the local Rescue Mission in our town , he can go there I took my oldest AS one year on mothers day before they built the new building. You don't have to have him in your home.

I was told what a bad mom I was for doing that but I know I did what I had too.

Kindeyes

Just as you can't control your son's addiction, you can't control the other enablers in his life. And as far as those who blame and shame you.......just because they say something doesn't make it true.

I found that arguing with an addict is futile. Arguing with anyone who wants to force their thoughts and beliefs on you is just as futile. If grandma wants the young man removed from her home, the police do a very effective job of that.

You have the right idea......let go.....let God......and stay calm.

gentle hugs
ke

LoveMeNow

SR and Naranon have some great information about "dealing" with an addict - some from an addicts perspective. (Let Me Fall, What addicts do, etc)

I would send them this literature, respectfully ask them to Let Him Fall, not love him him to death and firmly state - that if they chose to continue to enable him, you can no longer hear about it.

I know you can not control what decisions they make, likewise they can not control what decisions you make. You are doing what's best for you son and you, they chose not to respect your wishes, they are doing more harm then good for your son, addiction defies logic, stand strong in you decision.

ETA - Cynical One's Blog has a lot of great info. NytePassion does too!!

God Bless!

TearsforSon

Hello, wanted to update what happened with AS...well he is in jail. My Dad ended up having him move in and it lasted 2 months. Both my Dad and Grandmother have finally realized that AS is out of their control, can't fix or cure him. I think they both wanted to try one last time and now hopefully realize that AS has to do this on his own.
He will probably end up in jail for 6 months, one for probabtion violation and the other from breaking into a vehicle. He was so messed up he didn't even remember it and the sad thing is I think he was on meth.
I hope the time in jail will be his bottom but who knows? Already told my Grandmother that he needs to live in a SBL when he gets out of jail and gently said he does not need to live with her because if nothing changes nothing changes, she agreed.
Wanted to thank everyone again that read and posted. I visit here almost every day, it helps.

lesliej

I think that there are many of us here who know the feeling that jail can be a safe place to be. I hope your son finds himself there. There are many recovery meetings who "bring a meeting" to jails. I hope that maybe your son finds a group showing up to share their experience, strength and hope with him. We also make collections in our meetings for recovery literature to be provided to jails. (Because they are "civil" institutions and recovery literature references God, the state cannot provide the books...) Maybe ask the jailer if meetings or literature are provided in the jail...