tallgirl77

Hope everyone is doing well...just wanted to pop in and give an update.

Up until the 3rd weekend in May, my EXABF was getting our son every other weekend and one day during the week for a few hours. The signs started in March, he wouldn't pick him up, either gave a bogus excuse or didn't even contact me and say he wasn't getting our son. Then in early June I get a call from his mother stating he had checked himself back into rehab because he wanted to get off of suboxone. Well, if that were true that would be all fine and dandy, but since then the "real" truth has come out, that he has been drinking and using drugs and abusing the suboxone. So, since then I have refused visitation. It's obvious that he needs to get himself back on track in more ways than one. But, he's doing the same things like he was when we were together. Sobriety would last a few months and right back to using again. It breaks my heart because I know our son loves his father and he's too young to understand what's going on. When he asks why daddy hasn't picked him up, I explain to him that he's got some things he needs to get straight before he can pick him up. But honestly at this point, unless it's supervised visitations, it's not going to happen. I hoped and prayed that this wouldn't happen, but it did and now I've got to do what's right to protect our son. (I know alot more about the situtation with his current use, etc...but because there is a pending court hearing, I don't feel comfortable putting it out there right now) Other than that, life is great! Hope all is well with everyone (((((hugs)))))

outtolunch

Active addicts and those in early recovery make lousy parents.

Continue to protect your son. Nothing good can come out of visitiation at this juncture.

Is dad paying child support?

tallgirl77

Your exactly right!

I am receiveing child support, thank goodness, but only because it's through a wage lien. I made sure of the wage lien because I knew otherwise it would be sporatic payments, if at all.

Faithlove

Nice to meet you, TallGirl77. I also have a thread about visitation for my young sons with their father, my AH. I'm much better at giving advice to others though. ;0 I think you are absolutely doing what's best for your child by denying visits at this point. Hopefully you have a good lawyer and a great judge who understands the effects of drug abuse and addiction on children.

It is heartbreaking to watch your babies suffer because of their father, but I'd rather explain to my son why he can't go to work with daddy or ride in daddy's truck than get a call from our local ER. Imagining the situations my AH could put our sons in is gut-wrenching!

Stick to your guns! Don't give in!!

tallgirl77

Just got word of a court date! Thank goodness! He has threatned me with filing contempt of court charges against me due to me refusing him visitation. I told him to go right ahead, but as of today, he still hasen't! Even if he did, I have enough against him right now that I'm not worried about being charged with contempt.

Can't wait for the hearing so my attorney can lay it all out before the judge.

I will walk through the depths of hell to protect my children!

tallgirl77

Update: We went to court in October. Visitation is now supervised through a local childrens center in which he has to pay per visit. So far only 2 visits have been missed. One because my son was sick and the other was because he was supposedly sick. We go back to court in December for a review hearing. I'm pretty sure he has NOT done all the requirements according to the most recent order so I know that any type of unsupervised visits will not take place anytime soon or in the near future. AND, he's dating another addict. Although his mother claims he's following the program and not involved with anyone, I know different.

I am so much more at peace with life, my son is safe and that's one of my #1 priorities. Now it's up to his dad, pardon the language, to either $hit or get off the pot!

Faithlove

Tallgirl77,
What great news! It's uplifting to hear about someone coming out on the other side and things working out for them and their child(ren).

You know his mama is in DENIAL! You can't really blame her though. She just wants to believe that her precious son is finally doing what's right.

Keep up the great work! (((Hugs))) to you and your son.

LoveMeNow

Hi Faithlove! You know I love you but I disagree. His mama is only helping his addiction not him.

Sounds like you are doing awesome Tallgirl. Your son is very lucky to have such a strong, loving mother.

Faithlove

LMN,

Oh, I know his mama is helping his addiction but I think she's in denial, by her own choice. I don't think she really wants to know what's going on with her son. Maybe it's just too hard for her.

Anyway, it's none of our business what his mama does. I guess I was just basically supporting TallGirl by telling her to ignore his mama or take what she says with a grain of salt.

You know I love ya too, LMN!!

tallgirl77

I don't believe a single word that comes out of this womans mouth. She has done nothing but lie, manipulate and try to BS me all along. Quite frankly, I think she's an addict in denial herself. I won't go into it about her, but lets just say that she doesn't think drinking a few bottles or boxes of wine a day/night is a big deal.

I could care less what he or his mother do, as long as my son is safe that's all that really matters. I wouldn't be so lucky for this to happen, but for them to both just fall off the face of the earth would benefit this world greatly....lol

eveleivibe

You're the right thing as addiction aside, him cancelling visits is not fair in your son - he'll be confused n think he's done something wrong.
Please also get yourself support.
Take care of yourself
Evey xxxx

tallgirl77

Back to court in a few weeks for a review hearing...he has attended every supervised visitation except the one I canceled and the one he canceld. He hasn't called in over a week, which is odd because he has been calling at least once everyday if not every few days. I also found out that the girl he is supposedly dating was just arrested this past Friday for drug possession.

I guess I'm just worried that if there is a favorable report from the person supervising the visits that the judge may order unsupervised visits and I am no where near being comfortable with that. While there are additional stipulations to the most recent court order, and I know for a fact that one of them has not been done, I'm literally sick to my stomach at what the judge is going to decide.

I will be so glad when this hearing is over and am hoping and praying that whatever the outcome is, that it is favorable to my sons well being and saftey.

Please just keep this situtaion in your thoughts and prayers. I will update after the hearing.

jewel14

sounds like you are doing what you need to do to protect your child...

silly ? how do you abuse suboxone?

outtolunch

You are a smart mama.

Faithlove

So, you are going to bring up the fact (and the court records) that his girlfriend was just arrested days ago for drug possession? If he's still hanging with drug abusers, he's not making good choices.

He's also being sporadic again, by not calling consistently.

Hopefully this judge will err on the side of caution and order the supervised visits to continue for a few more months.

Hope4Bella

I am praying for you and your son with hopes that the supervision continues!!

& <<Jewel>> my daughter managed to take way more than she was prescribed and when that wasn't enough she ended up selling them on the street for a ridiculous amount & turn around & buy the cheap fix she needed. (a hurting addict will pay alot for suboxene when they cannot get other opiates..or enough opiates.) I was paying for her expensive meds for them not to show up in her drug test. It's crazy what addicts actually can conjure up rather & go around rather than to just face life & do it the right way..

crazybabie

I will be sending positive thoughts and prayers.

supportforme

Tallgirl - I wish you all the best in court. You are doing the best for you and your son. I pray that justice is served and the supervised visitation stands. I included a stipulation in my order that xAH has to pass a substance abuse evaluation as well as parenting evaluation before he can go for unsupervised. Not sure if it's an additional safeguard or not. In my experience, when xAH doesn't call that's usually a sign that he is falling deeper in his relapse.

tallgirl77

I plan to bring this up but am afriad that because I only have "hear say" and not solid proof that he's involved with her that the judge will not allow it to stand. I do have copies of information in regards to her arrest but nothing solid that they are together or hang out. Unless he admits that he is involved with her theres not alot I can do but present it before the judge and pray that he sees my concern and addresses it to benefit my sons saftey.

tallgirl77

The not calling is a definate concern of mine, as you said its a sign of something not being right, whether he's using or whatever. I will definatley talk with my attorney in regards to requesting the judge to order substance abuse & parenting eval.

Thanks!