crazybabie

Every time I read this post this pops out at me

Everybody keeps asking what Im going to do about me. Im not planning on making any changes for the most part. This hasnt been going on that long with him, and I dont think i have made myself sick.

I didn't make myself "sick" either yet I AM codependent I pretty much know how it started and I was 7 years old. I am not labeling you or whatever you wanna call it but I do wish you would go again to the stickies and read the signs and be 100 % HONEST with yourself as you read each one don't apply them just to this situation but too you actions through life.

JoeysGirl

why is everyone on this forum obsessed with codependeny and dignosing me.
I really dont think that is appropriate. I think Im the only one who can determine if my actions are having a negative affect on me; thats my job not yours.

JoeysGirl

Hi Crazybaby,

I appreciate your post. yes I have looked at the stickies, and I think what sticks out to me is that most those things are normal, but it is how far you take them, and if you hurt yourself, or ignore your own care because you feel this need to do these things.

I think from time to time in most peoples lives, these things can become predominant. Like yesterday I did drive around to look for my boyfriend. I got a fruit smoothy and a couple burgers and I played music, had the sunroof open and I drove from my house to his parents through safe suburbs, a few side strees in the suburbs, and then back home again.

I think the problem would occur if I was normally doing stuff like that trying to control him, and making myself crazy but I dont. I dont think isolated actions over a short span of time make a true determination if one is sick from codependency.

But it is something I will pay more attention to going forward.
And i appreciate the reminder.

JoeysGirl

Checked on boyfriend and the rapid detox will be over tonight. They said he is still under sedation, but everything is going fine and he is stable.

I am excited to see him 100% drug free tomorrow.

Then he has to stay for few days to be monitored because of the procedeure.

FindingErica

Similar to what your ABF will get in an NA group where they continually point out reality; we do here. Part of the thing that is done here is people will help you face the uncensored reality. It really can be quite helpful, it can also be annoying. Also remember each poster is a different person, we are not of collective mind. But shared experiences can help put a mirror up. For instance one poster went looking for her addict with a baseball bat, you went with a smoothie. It isn't the method, it is the intent. Why did those other people go looking, why did you go looking? That is the question those posters who shared their experiences want you to ask yourself, for what reason did you go looking for an adult male who had made no effort to give you his whereabouts or seek out a ride? That is the root issue. Today the suburb, tomorrow the ghetto- its all the same. The intent of people here in sharing their personal and painful experiences is to help someone else from having more painful experiences, it isn't an attack.

People here warned me not to give AH money. But AH was being so nice and loving and seemed to be working recovery. I felt It was OK because of the situation I was giving money for- to pay bills and a little for him to live on while he was awaiting his first paycheck. The rules didn't apply to ME, my situation wasn't like theirs. Well guess what I found out down the road- he blew through that money, he did not pay the bills he claimed had to be paid "or else", he was lying about working, and next time (less than a week later) he wanted even more money and used threats to try to get it. I was advised to go no contact by people who had been there and done that. I didn't because my situation was "special" and not as bad as theirs i thought. I paid in misery. Nobody advised me of these things to be mean but because they didn't want to see me hurt, because they knew I couldn't fully understand yet and were concerned for the well being of myself and my children.

Marcus

That is good to hear. I hope it all goes smoothly. Just be prepared he is probably not going to feel 100% normal (or even 50% for that matter). Detox is quite a shock to the system whether you are sedated or not. Chances are he might be irritable and distant and complaining he doesn't feel right or he is still detoxing a bit. That might not be the case, but from my experience it is normal. That is where rehab comes in. This thing is 90+ % mental, but detoxing is a huge first step. Now the real work can begin. Take care of yourself!

JoeysGirl

You are right Marcus. I went to see him today after work, and they still have him sedated. He knew I was there, and he talked just a little and poor baby said he was feeling better, but he was out of it still and couldnt stay awake.

But he is in a regular room now at the medical center (which is a smaller hospital in our area). And they have him hooked up to machines to monitor all his vitals and all that. His mom has been there with him all day, and I guess his dad will come by tonight. I finally kissed him and said Id call and check on him later. he was like 'ok, luv u' - so sweet.

I think he will be feeling better tomorrow as they will start to let him wake up more.

Im going to have a girlfriend over and we are going to eat pizza and watch movies.
She has no current boyfriend, and mine is undergoing detox. We agreed pizza is the only way to go.