nerdygirl

I joined this site a while ago. My husband is a percocet addict. He's in recovery and has been clean for almost 18 months. I never really posted a lot previously but I did read a lot - especially the stickies. And, of course I read Codependent No More. I think being codependent is a form of addiction - at least for me it is. I have this huge desire to 'fix' things and people. I saw how my codie behavior didn't help my husband quit doing drugs. I think the only thing that did make him quit was the fact that he saw me detach from him - like I was preparing to throw him out. My situation is a little different in that everything is in my name. I make more money than he does. However, he's recently been promoted and our salaries are more in line now. The house, the cars, the bills, everything is in my name. I wanted it that way and that was a condition before marrying him. I got burned in my first marriage and didn't want to depend on a man for a single thing. Anyway, my husband has always been moody. He sees a psychiatrist and is prescribed Lithium and Zoloft for his manic depression. For the past week or so, he's been unusually quiet and really not himself. Last night I asked if he was thinking of pills or if he was having any thoughts. No was the answer. I honestly don't think the pill problem is back. I'd definitely know. I've got some type of hyper awareness to it that seems almost unnatural. haha Anyway, I asked him a million times what was wrong and if he wanted to talk and blah blah blah. Today I've thought of nothing but him and I can feel and see my codie ways creeping back in. I guess I just wanted to read some words of wisdom about taking care of me and loving myself etc. I feel like I've relapsed!

Ann

It's hard not to get drawn in to their sadness, moods, struggles, and bad days.

You asked and gave him the chance to talk about it, but he chose not to. Maybe accept that and just let him know you are open to listening if he changes his mind.

Then focus on you, let go of the fears. Worry never changes the outcome, so just let it go and be good to yourself.

Hugs

beyondtoday

I got a call from my ex husband who I haven't heard from in 2 months.it was a ten minute call cause he is in rehab been clean for 2 months. he said all the right things I felt the Codie creeping up I wanted to say do u need cloths cigarettes. I let him say his piece and my response was me and the Children are fine do what u have to do. However it was 3 days ago and although I don't feel the need to be with him I miss who he was dearly. fighting the thoughts of if I do this he won't use or I can help him be strong. Your not alone we all struggle with it but with time it gets better. 1 year ago I would of been at that rehab with cloths cigarettes snacks talking about my recovered husband. Although it hurts it a little easier to bare. Keep a clear mind and don't let your emotions do the talking.

crazybabie

I am wondering is maybe he is in the low end of the bipolar I get quite during those times I know some addicts way of getting out of that is by using. I will be keeping you and him in my prayers.

nerdygirl

I think you're right. We talked some more last night and he said this is the first time he's felt kinda down since going through withdrawls from the percs. Being bipolar, he used drugs and alcohol to self medicate in the past, but now that he doesn't have it, he's having to figure out how to deal like a normal person.

It's just frustrating sometimes. I have a very traditional role at home in addition to working full time. I take care of my daughter, the dogs, cook, clean, laundry etc. I don't mind having a traditional role at all and I enjoy taking care of my family. But, if all he has to worry about is going to work and cutting the grass, why does he think, feel and act so overwhelmed?

Regardless, I feel better today. Just keep reminding myself that I've done all I can do. I've listened, made myself available, and offered to talk when/if he's ready. Time to worry about myself now. He'll just have to figure it out for himself.

Learn2Live

Your mind is saying one thing and your gut is saying something else. Trust your instincts.

outtolunch

At one time I thought something similar about my daughter- that my disengagement was the basis for her decision to get and stay clean. That was my ego talking. That EVERYONE she knew who was into heroin was either dead or in prison may have been a far more compelling factor. I have since given up on trying to figure out the why, no different than why she made the lousy decision to try heroin on, in the first place.

Vale

Everyone knows Yoda,movie big shot(Star Wars).
But few knew he had a greener, meaner,uglier little
brother named Coda......who said:

Know,or know not.....there is no 'why'

Unlike his more famous brother, all Coda could
snare was beer commercials and ear plastic surgery
gigs.Obiwan didn't like him----called him a sawed off
hobgoblin! ("the force is weak with this one")....
:rotfxko....but he DID leave us that one gem!

crazybabie

First let me say I can't say he isn't using trust your gut on that what I can do is share my personal experience with bipolar.

I know it can be hard for others to understand in my case I choose to take the medications my doctor put me on for the bipolar and not self medicate and trust me when I say there was a lot of trial and error in getting the right combo and a lot of times the meds will be working great and then stop and it is back to finding a new combo.

I am in no means making any excuses for him the illness alone can be overwhelming is he on any medications for proper treatment?

Many times just doing the normal get a bath, wash dishes etc, driving my car... can seem so overwhelming to me of course my family doesn't understand that.

The lows, middle, hypo maina, and mania get exhausting I call it my roller coaster ride from He77.

Big hugs for you be sure and take good care of you any mental illness can be hard on the family members.