Originally Posted by HeWhoSleeps

This post thread really got to me because WorriedMomma4, you sound like me at the beginning of my roller coaster ride from hell with my heroin addict boyfriend I've known for nearly ten years.
My first advice to you is YES PLEASE GET YOURSELF A SUPPORT BASIS RIGHT NOW. Even if you think it's premature or if your husband convinces you somehow its unnecessary or you feel some kind of fear about losing your kids YOU NEED HELP. I encourage you to continue posting here AND go to a meeting. If for nothing else for emotional support. This is a HEAVY load on your heart, your mind, and your soul right now. I bet you worry about it pretty much constantly and that just thinking too much about it makes you sick with the possibilities. I have BEEN there.
You can say AS MUCH or AS LITTLE as you want at a meeting. I'm not advocating LYING I'm just saying if you are not comfortable mentioning your children the meeting can still help YOU. (Though I'm positive you'd be surprised how many women will understand having kids and being in your situation. The more you go to meetings the more you will meet them. You are NOT alone.) Besides, your name is WorriedMomma and I can tell you're not the type of woman who would, once convinced her children were in danger or suffering, stay in the same detrimental situation. So don't worry about that before you STABILIZE yourself. You need to be supported into a HEALTHIER way of thinking than your current one.
What do I mean by your current way of thinking? You asked at the end of your last post if this "ever goes away". That really made me identify with myself. I took that to mean that you are already to the point where you're not even sure WHAT it would take to "get your life back" (not using quotes because you said it, just using it as a phrase m'dear). That's how I understood that.
I FELT THE SAME WAY ABOUT MY AB.
He WOULD offer me things just to put me off for a while or have me drop it as good enough or something. He WOULD offer to let me IN and SHOW me things, give me ACCESS to his PERSONAL life so there could be a HEALING OF TRUST. Sounds great, right? Wrong. Things fell between the cracks, promises of follow-through were broken repeatedly, he'd feign amnesia (kidding) , you name it. I would literally FIND drugs or paraphernalia in his room, car, on his person, etc. and he would look me in THE EYE and act innocent. Wow. WOW.
Let that sink in. You're right...how are you suppose to ever trust that again? How are you suppose to ever not question again. How are you suppose to feel complete security and safety for yourself, let alone kids, with this guy ever again if you can't trust him?...these are the scariest questions you will ask yourself because you already know the answer. At least that was the case with me. And it took me nearly ten years to get to the point where I am now because for more than half of them I didn't seek HELP and COMMUNITY and SUPPORT because I didn't know to look for it. I probably could have saved myself a LOT of hassle by putting myself into a healthy and supported mindset right away to face whatever the future held.
You know to look for help, you desire help. Please give yourself this gift without fear. Trust your gut. Be the more than competently protective momma you know yourself to be. And don't stop posting.
Oh, and if all of this is WA-AY off base, I apologize. But I went with my gut.


If you type 'NA' into the Google search engine the second site to come up should be NA Meeting Locator. Select it and you will have the option to enter in information about where you live (zip, etc) and it will generate a list of meetings/times/etc within whatever mile radius of you that you select. And I agree with Krystal. Beginners meetings are best especially if you are nervous. However if you are really feeling like you need to go, take a leap of faith. You can always opt not to share if you don't want to (its not required) and I doubt that you would regret the experience.