saynotodrugs

My boyfriend texts me like a mad man just now begging me to allow him to have cocaine. He is trying to get off of cocaine and other drugs, so he hasn't had anything for 4 days.

He says he is shaking and wants cocaine so badly, but I just keep saying no. If I wasn't to say no, I know for a fact that he would go and snort coke right away. He needs me to be his stopper. He does not have the will power, so I am there for him 100%.

However, this is breaking my heart. He called me a bad girlfriend because I keep saying no, and it breaks my heart that he is begging me to have some I wish I could just make all the pain go away, I'd do anything I love him so much, and I hate that he is going through this.

When will the urges start to go away so he doesn't have to suffer anymore?

I just wish it were easier I just wish I were there for him holding him so he wasn't alone

crazybabie

I am sorry you going through this and I am sorry for your boyfriends pain.

If I wasn't to say no, I know for a fact that he would go and snort coke right away. He needs me to be his stopper. He does not have the will power, so I am there for him 100%.

Your not his stopper he will get it if he chooses, is he working any recovery program?

saynotodrugs

No, he is doing it all on his own. And the worst part is that he can get the drugs for free from a friend -__- I am sooo scared he will never stop

Windmills

Cocaine withdrawal: MedlinePlus Medical Encyclopedia

It's not fair on you to expect you to be his warden. You're not responsible for his recovery, HE is. If you don't 'let' him get drugs you're the bad guy.. But if you 'let' him get drugs you'll be responsible for him using.

outtolunch

There is nothing you can say or do to keep him clean or cause him to relapse. You are not that powerful. None of us are. If all it took were love and playing warden, none of us would be here. Recovery is 100% an inside job.

Love him enough to give him the dignity to make up his own mind.

outtolunch

As you should be.

The only thing you control here is your own reaction.

So many of us become addicted to the never ending drama and chaos. You have the choice to remain front row center, or not. Make no sence to allow something you do not control to control you.

Lenina

If HE loved you, he'd never ask you to do anything prefacing it with "if you really loved me...".

Think about this.

Love from Lenina

kiki5711

OMG, sorry, but he's one big whiney baby and he needs your hand to cross the street. What are you? His mother?

Isn't he a grown man? Asking you to take on such responsibility also places his failure in your lap and not his.

Totally NOT cool.

zoso77

sigh

Welcome to the Board. I'm glad you found us. You've seen the wisdom and opinions of some of us, and my hope is you take what they say to heart.

I also hope that, for a moment, you step back and recognize how manipulative your ABF is. He's a sick, sick guy. And you, my dear, are powerless. You can't help him. No one can. But he can choose to help himself if he wanted to.

Please read the sticky note "What Addicts Do". Then read it again. Because that is precisely what you're up against.

Be safe...
ZoSo

saynotodrugs

How can I be so selfish to leave him at such a difficult time for him? I have to be there because he is doing this for ME. I want to marry him and have babies, so he has to get clean in order to achieve our future. He's made bad choices, but now he is doing the right thing. It's not easy at all, so I just try to be very understanding. He's not too happy with me right now, he's very cranky. I just want to know when will this go away and he will be my loving boyfriend again

kiki5711

And that's exactly why it won't work, because he's doing it for YOU. When it gets too tough on him, he'll say, "heck, can't deal with it any more" and just start using. Behind your back.

In the war of "addiction" it's every man/woman for themselves. He has to have the guts, character, and will power to do it for "himself" first..

FindingErica

He really doesn't NEED you to be his stopper. Just saying! My thought is he is setting you up so he has someone to blame when he goes back to doing what he wants to do. He may not even realize it. Or like a kid who begs and whines until they wear out the parent, he wants you to become his accomplice. How can you complain if you gave permission.

If it were me I would state that I am neither his parent nor his dealer. To use or not to use has always been and always will be his decision to make. For your own well being take yourself out of the equation.

FindingErica

(((hugs))) the truth is he may never stop. Your job is finding a way to make peace with that and live again. In case you think I am being tough, I am really right there in the trenches with you. I'm learning to find my own life, my AH mY never find a way to be a dad again to our kids.

outtolunch

" He does have a history of using drugs, though. He was very addicted to heroin and cocaine before we met. I would say age 16/17-18 was when he got with the wrong people, and just messed with the wrong stuff. .[/QUOTE]

He is the "wrong people" attempting to live a life without consequences.

FindingErica

My AH was three years clean when we met. We got married and have a family. It took him about 20 years but he is using again. I'm in the worst situation I have ever had to face because of him. You are already starting out with him making you his warden. You are being set up in a bad way. It is a very bad way to start life and a family. If it was my situation, I would back way off, see if he becomes a clean and sober person on his own. If it was truly love maybe it will grow again under healthy circumstances. If not then at least you have an answer

Windmills

I didn't realise you were so young this thread is very sad. I've been you.
I met my ex when I was 16, almost 17. He told me all kinds of things that I know now were BS. He told me he was getting clean for me. He never told the truth about what he was getting clean from. He said it was cocaine.. It was crack and heroin. Cocaine didn't seem like a big deal because everyone did it. I didn't really understand. I was naive, wasn't brought up around drugs and as we met on the club scene, coke wasn't really a surprise.
So. He said he was getting clean for me. For years he then turned that around on me 'I changed my life for YOU', 'I did XYZ FOR YOU'. He didn't stay clean long at all, maybe 3 months while he was being drug tested on probation was the longest stretch. He resented me because he (temporarily) stopped spending his days and all his money in crack houses. He's back there now, that's my fault too though because I left him when social services have me the option to leave him or they take my child. Being with him was hell. Absolute hell. It was like torture, he was physically, verbally, mentally, financially and sexually abusive. He's not young like your boyfriend.. But I was young, like you. You can't save him sweetheart. Only he can save him, and he might not even want to.

saynotodrugs

He told me that he knows he will be the 30 year old druggie always doing drugs. That he doesn't want to stop, but I finally convinced him that he needs to stop and be clean and stop hurting his mom(she hates when he uses).

That scared me so much because I know with weight loss I have to do it for myself because if I wanna eat I will eat regardless what anybody tells me. I know dieting is a silly thing to compare with drugs but I have nooo other experience with addiction so this is the closest I have to stopping a bad habit.

I just want him to be able to realize that drugs are horrible and he doesn't need it to feel better. He feels ****** because of the drugs he is using. They are messing with his depression and anxiety a TON.

Windmills

Honey, he doesn't want to stop. He likes the way he lives. You can't change that, you can't fix him. Pretty soon he's going to resent you for your efforts. He's not done with drugs. My ex is the 42 year old addict with a 25+ year addiction. It physically hurts me to say it, and I wish it wasn't the case, but I do believe him bottom is death. He's lost countless jobs, now 4 children, several partners, his family, many homes, £££££, personal possessions, he's had 12 years in jail, he's nearly died from heart attacks and infections and whatever else.. Nothing is enough to stop him. I certainly wasn't enough, none of the women who went before me were enough.

kiki5711

This is his vision for his future. And I think he means it.

He just agreed to quit to get you to stop haggling him about it.

neferkamichael

Just keep saying NO, do not let him manipulate you for any reason.