kiki5711

Somehow I have a feeling if you didn't think his addiction was that bad or too serious, you wouldn't even think of coming to post here.

You could have found the information about spice, meth or whatever in other ways without sharing your concern.

From how you describe him, it looks he doesn't deal with pressure too well. In this case the "wedding".
What's it going to be like later with other pressures that come with family life?

aeo1313

If he is a recovered addict why is he drinking alcohol?

YearForMe

Seriously? You are on a sober recovery message board telling us you are going to marry an active addict (which I am sure you are going to do btw)

And you have the nerve to make a judgement about parenting a child in active addiction?

Since the wedding planning is done...
Now you can drink wine and plan out how, when you have children....and since they will most likely have the genetic precursor to addiction and how you are never ever ever going to wish they were 18 so you could LEGALLY kick them out.

I had a private party on my daughter's 18th birthday and she was not invited.

I bought dinner for all of my friends and coworkers that had to listen to me for 4 years.

I counted the days until she was 18....you betcha I did. She was a friggen nightmare.
Now she's 33 and sitting in prison for the 3rd time. She just sent me her "life story" that she's working on as an assignment for her treatment program in prison.

Funny....she remembers her childhood as idyllic....and her memories are the same as mine, my husband, my parents and my siblings. She accepts responsibility for being a friggin nightmare......finally.....

Will that change when she gets out of prison.......I dunno.....

But I will tell you...when someone tells me that they wish there kid were of legal age...so that they are no longer encumbered by the very entities that won't help them....

I SOOOOOOOO GET THAT.

katiedid79

I have been here in SR for a while , I normally just lurk ... But I couldnt help but not to add to all the good advice above. When I first come to this sight , I was in denial of my exs addiction and wanted to help him . 1. If love could help the addicts stop there wouldnt be a single one of us here and you would not have come hear asking for advise/guidance. 2. Your in denial , it happens ... The fact that your evening questioning these things should tell you that your own self is telling you something is not right here... Im not going to tell you what you should or shouldnt do time will tell . But ill be frank , theres nothing you can do to help the addict in your life , hes always going to be a addict weather hes using right now or not . Is this something your prepared to live with possiably for the rest of your life? Is this the sort of life you have planned out for possiable children? Let me tell you a small story , this story is mine. I was with my ex addicted boyfreind for 15 years , he was not an addict the full time , or was he? I think he was, just not in full gear yet is all ... In the course of this time , I filed for bankruptcy . This was due to allot of factores the main one him using funds for buying drugs. I tried everything in my power to help him , I got him a good counciler , I got him books on addiction , I had him go to na , I took control over all the fiances , I payed all the bills, I worked 40 hours a week to pay those bills , I covered up the addiction . Do you notice the amount of I's ? Its part of codependency , not once was there an I comeing from him unless you insert , the love of his life his drug in the same sentence . Nothing I did helped him . You know why? Cause its not about me or what I want or what I did , its about him and his addiction. This was a horriable time for me up and down , following him around , looking threw phone bills , this and that , its a horriable cycle your about to step into . Please educate your self and make an informed decision about your wedding and future with an addict. I had a child with my ex . When she was almost 2 I left ... This is no way to raise a child . For god sakes he left pills laying on the floor she could have died if she had injested one , he got violent , he couldnt even pay the electric bill to keep the lights on for his daughter . I ran and ran fast , since ive left , he has continued to use , lost the house we almost had payed for , killed his dog , and he loved that dog , cause his addiction was more important then feeding and watering this dog. Dosnt pay his child support , hardly see his kid , the list goes on and on ... I feel bad for his now 4 year old daughter cause the person she calls daddy , will never be her father he cant , hes to consumed by his addiction to care about anybody . Your not going to be any different then anybody else here... I am now moving on with my life have a wonderful guy im going to marry next year and you know what hes not addicted to any substance. I refuse to ever be in another relationship with an addict or even a recovering one . That is my choice . Think long and hard , and do some research before getting yourself in this situation . We all have our paths to lead in life and things to learn . The people hear are warning you based on there experainces . Ive yet to see an addict that was cured. If you would like to talk private just to have someone to talk to please pm me on hear ... If it wasnt for these good people on this bourd when i needed the help not sure if I would have made such a clean break like I did and pretty fast to . One thing that has stuck in my head from someone on hear , is youll know when youve had enough , and when its time to move on, then youll run and run fast .

wantinhope

I know you do not want to be told not to marry him so let me tell you a little bit of my story. I wish someone would have told me not to marry my soon to be ex-husband. In 2009 he went to rehab and got off drugs. He was great and sober. I decided I was ready to marry him. When we went to counseling with our pastor he said he had thoughts about drugs sometimes. That statement frightened me but I thought no he can't go back he's done way too good. I married him and for the next month our lives were perfect and then he relapsed. From July 2009 until Feb 2012 I was stuck on a terrible roller coaster ride. He was in and out of rehab. I learned some very terrible things about our court systems. Since we were married I could not keep him away from my daughter and myself. I was stuck...that is until I finally filed for divorce and got a restraining order. Just make sure you are ready for the life of being married to an addict because even an addict will tell you they are in recovery for life and they all have a chance that they will relapse.

soberbrooke

Once an addict, always an addict. If I don't go to an AA meeting 6 days a week, then I will not be able to stay sober. The addiction is too much for me. I still want to be that party girl, I want to have fun, I still crave the atmosphere.

I have got to go to a meeting EVERY DAY to stay sober.

Mandala76

Spice is a million times more dangerous than people realize. It destroys people, and sometimes kills them. There is no telling exactly what chemicals he is smoking because there is no regulation on it at all. Its amazing the government cannot do a damn thing about this. They sell it 5 inches away from the candy bars like its an afternoon snack, don't even get me started.

Just because something is legal doesn't mean it cannot be abused, and certainly doesn't mean its safe to use. Educate yourself on it as much as you can, but only your BF can decide to quit. You do not have to condone it, but you cannot control him either.

Mandala76

Staying with him tells him you approve of his actions. Leaving him IS helping him. Its clearly hard for you to see this because you are blinded by the upcoming wedding....which truly will all be a waste of time if you do not do the right thing right from the beginning of this relationship/soon to be marriage. It will get worse if he does not suffer any consequences. If you stay, you are enabling him to keep using, period. You have nothing to lose, you have no children and are not yet married. Be thankful for that.