Fiance using something - Spice / Meth?
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 267
Spice/K2 is serious. My daughter's friend, who had never had addiction problems, was sent into a psychotic episode from it. He was found wandering around campus naked, with his clothes in paper bags, trying to give them away to people. He was hospitalized in a psych unit for several weeks, and has had permanent brain damage from the episode. Nasty stuff. Just because it was sold legally (as "incense") doesn't mean it is safe to consume.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Minneapolis
Posts: 924
He said that the guys working on the house were smoking the spice when he went there a while back, and he asked them about it and they offered to get him some to try, he said he only had the one pack and has only used it a few times. He said they even gave him the glass bong like the ones they used. lies lies lies. manipulation. deceit. so hard to read, we have all been there
These are professionals too not friends or anything. Im pissed about the work they are doing with smoking that sh*t.
He promises to stop, and he handed me that pack, and I flushed it all away. and I took a hammer to the bong and broke it into pieces and put it in the trash too. promises, promises, promises...we have ALL heard them here, and of course, I mean what else is he going to say right now to you??? please read everything you can get your hands on, you are headed into hell
he said he wont get involved with AA again,. He gives them credit for helping him when he was bad with the meth bjut after a while he said it was enough , It was over and he wasnt going to be part of a cult anymore . And his sponsor he said was a control addict and too intense. He said that those programs are good for addicts because they are like addictions themselves. He said that chapter is over. LOL OMG...he has you so fleeced, he knows that you know nothing about the program of AA etc., you can go as much or as little as you want, but it is a lifelong program to assist one in staying sober...it is not a cult, that is the f'd up attitude of someone who wants to use again, use anything and smoke it. if his sponsor was so bad then you just get a different one! you need to start educating yourself girl! he can tell you anything right now!!! please use birth control
I told him I couldnt stand the thought of him using meth again because I remember him telling me how bad off he was and that it almost killed him and took his soul.
I think I can only wait and see. I mean if he hasnt taken that much then he isnt addicted to it, and if he stops and learns from it like he says he did then it should be fine. You need to start educating yourself on addiction...you are a babe in the woods that is infested with wolves
Whew.... I feel better after talking it out with him, He wasnt angry or anythng, and apologized for being defensive...typical manipulative mood swing and denial management of an addict...turns the blame around on you because you were upset that he was smoking drugs in your new house just weeks before your wedding! but he said I was yelling a lot at him. which was true. I mean I walked in and it smelled like skunks had ran through the place and then I find him sitting there with that nasty pipe thing.
Thank you everyone and I will remember what you said if there is any more problems I will know where to come.
These are professionals too not friends or anything. Im pissed about the work they are doing with smoking that sh*t.
He promises to stop, and he handed me that pack, and I flushed it all away. and I took a hammer to the bong and broke it into pieces and put it in the trash too. promises, promises, promises...we have ALL heard them here, and of course, I mean what else is he going to say right now to you??? please read everything you can get your hands on, you are headed into hell
he said he wont get involved with AA again,. He gives them credit for helping him when he was bad with the meth bjut after a while he said it was enough , It was over and he wasnt going to be part of a cult anymore . And his sponsor he said was a control addict and too intense. He said that those programs are good for addicts because they are like addictions themselves. He said that chapter is over. LOL OMG...he has you so fleeced, he knows that you know nothing about the program of AA etc., you can go as much or as little as you want, but it is a lifelong program to assist one in staying sober...it is not a cult, that is the f'd up attitude of someone who wants to use again, use anything and smoke it. if his sponsor was so bad then you just get a different one! you need to start educating yourself girl! he can tell you anything right now!!! please use birth control
I told him I couldnt stand the thought of him using meth again because I remember him telling me how bad off he was and that it almost killed him and took his soul.
I think I can only wait and see. I mean if he hasnt taken that much then he isnt addicted to it, and if he stops and learns from it like he says he did then it should be fine. You need to start educating yourself on addiction...you are a babe in the woods that is infested with wolves
Whew.... I feel better after talking it out with him, He wasnt angry or anythng, and apologized for being defensive...typical manipulative mood swing and denial management of an addict...turns the blame around on you because you were upset that he was smoking drugs in your new house just weeks before your wedding! but he said I was yelling a lot at him. which was true. I mean I walked in and it smelled like skunks had ran through the place and then I find him sitting there with that nasty pipe thing.
Thank you everyone and I will remember what you said if there is any more problems I will know where to come.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Quebec
Posts: 38
Woah, and good gawd. Sorry that you're going through this. I canceled a wedding 3 weeks before it happened; $2000 wedding dress, everything ready to go, flights booked for people: a year of really hard work. Sorry you don't want to hear this but a wedding is a big party for people. As absolutely devastating as it was to watch all of my work go down the tubes--and I really mean MY work, like as you say HE wanted me to be his princess, HE wanted me to have to wedding of my dreams but didn't want to help me plan and drank a lot instead and claimed also to be drinking because he was stressed because of having to work so much to save for this dream wedding: not the case--it sure beats having to divorce an addict. Take care of you.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 528
Originally Posted by lesliej
Whew.... I feel better after talking it out with him, He wasnt angry or anythng, and apologized for being defensive...[I
Whew.... I feel better after talking it out with him, He wasnt angry or anythng, and apologized for being defensive...[I
typical manipulative mood swing and denial management of an addict...turns the blame around on you because you were upset that he was smoking drugs in your new house just weeks before your wedding[/I]! but he said I was yelling a lot at him. which was true. I mean I walked in and it smelled like skunks had ran through the place and then I find him sitting there with that nasty pipe thing.
Lol, when I would catch him high on K2. Let me rephrase, when I would catch him high on K2 and had worked up enough mental fortitude to endure whatever emotional beating would follow... He would usually start out telling me it was no worse than cigars and not addicting like cigarettes. When I would persist, he would tell me I was overreacting, crazy, a nag..etc. or just as bad, he would treat me to the silent treatment and nasty looks but then suddenly be super dad to the kids. While being nasty to me, he would talk to the kids with this sugary sweet voice and suddenly be interested in doing stuff with them and spoil them with treats. What is that doing to the kids in the end?
Over the past few years he has alienated all our mutual friends. He has alienated family. He has alienated everyone on our street. At one time we were friends with everyone. Then he would tell me it was my fault because I had a career and maybe I should get my "fat ass out on the sidewalk" and smooth things over with the neighbors. I would be completely isolated right now if it wasn't for non-mutual friends that I made through work and school, and family who is supportive of me now that they hear what is going on.
Even now, if I let AH in, he manipulates. I have ignored three texts over the past two days. Each one has set off severe anxiety, guilt and fear. And they are as simple as, "can we talk about...?" we still have a lot of mutual business to wrap up. I let him in on fri over wrapping up the house for inspection and closing. And he used it to wheedle in and I started thinking I had overreacted, we started joking a bit and and it was like old times. This text conversation went on for hours. Then he asked me for $2400. I stopped talking. He never asked if I had the money or even if I could afford essentials for the kids if I gave it to him. I cut him off again. He only cares about himself, the addiction has done that.
My life sucks in the most horrible ways right now. I am depressed, have anxiety, have to deal with my kids sadness and anger...etc. if I had known life would turn out like this before I was married, I would have ran and never looked back. The loss of some money now, is nothing compared to the losses of time, self esteem, money, mental well being, friends/family that comes with being chained to an active addict. And yes I STILL have a hard time understanding that people here are right, that my AH's addiction is NOT unique, that we are not going to beat the odds where others are not. That's hard, but I had to be willing to face the truth and make hard moves. Go read my first post here. Thank God people didn't say only what I wanted to hear, or I would have been headed into a hell camouflaged in what turned out to be lies.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 462
tanya
good luck with it all. but you have been given this gift of an insight into what lays ahead of you. you came to this site for answers and info, and when given you don't want to hear it. thats cool. it sounds bad right? and we all think that our situation is special and our person is not that involved in drugs. you can either listen to the stories that are offered to you, or not, and go back to your life and come back in 6-12months when things are a lot worse and harder to get out.
i wish you luck in your journey for information, and hope that you can find what you are looking for to help you feel better about your decisions.
good luck with it all. but you have been given this gift of an insight into what lays ahead of you. you came to this site for answers and info, and when given you don't want to hear it. thats cool. it sounds bad right? and we all think that our situation is special and our person is not that involved in drugs. you can either listen to the stories that are offered to you, or not, and go back to your life and come back in 6-12months when things are a lot worse and harder to get out.
i wish you luck in your journey for information, and hope that you can find what you are looking for to help you feel better about your decisions.
Getting there!!
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 5,750
So what will happen if you have kids and it becomes stressful (because it will), will he use that as an excuse to us drugs too?
Of course, you can do what you want....but at least you have been warned in advance.....unlike many of us here who were absolutely blindsided and felt ALL pain off addiction.
You are marring a demon possessed man.....and have been warned.
Of course, you can do what you want....but at least you have been warned in advance.....unlike many of us here who were absolutely blindsided and felt ALL pain off addiction.
You are marring a demon possessed man.....and have been warned.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Ohio
Posts: 37
Dear Tanya Scared,
You chose your name for a reason.
I recognize you, because I was you.
If you thought for one second you were scared when you came here.
Hang on Babygirl, It's going to be a real wild ride!
Continued use despite negative consequences...
His negativity is affecting you.
If you think you are so precious in his life.
WHY IS HIS NEGATIVITY ALREADY AFFECTING YOU?..?..?..????....????..??..
Have that glass of wine and laugh, chuckle away at everything..
If you want to be superwoman, go right ahead..
I absolutly loved the roll of Superwoman..
( P.S. I am in a 12 step program now for Co-Dependancy. )
All because I thought it would be ok.
And I didnt listen to anyones advice.
Because I was so strong.
And he was such a Great, Wonderful, Loving, Caring, Kind, Gentle, Honest man....
Miss Tanya Scared,
Remember these terms:
Addiction, Denial, Disease, Compliance, Control, Narcissists, Rejection, Loyal, Fear, Worry, Anger, Victim, Preoccupation, Impaired Control, Immediate Gratification, Physiological Dependence, Tolerance, Withdrawal, Anxiety, Irritability, Cravings, Co-Dependancy, Gas-Lighting, Nausea, Hallucinations, Headaches, Cold Sweats, Tremors, Substance, Addiction Recovery Groups, Alcoholics Anonymous, Narcodics Anonymous, Drug Rehabilitation, Affective Disorders, Mood Disorders, Ignored, Underlying, Aggressive, Selfish, Passive–Aggressive, Enabling, Positive Reinforcement, Negative Reinforcement, Assertiveness, Empathy, Compulsive, Resentful, Charisma, Charming, Prince Charming, Arguments, Opinions, Motivation, Domestic Relations Court, Cognition, Stigmatizing, Discourage, Isolate, Lawyer, Maintain, Emotional, Roller Coaster Ride, Abandoned, Blame, Exploit, Rage, Alone, Rigidity, Chronic, Dishonesty, Communication, Omnipotent, Boundaries, Rules, Obedience, Submissiveness, Misinform, Pity, Divorce, Shame, Faith, Hope, Low self-esteem, Mental Health, Survivor, Embarrass, Novelty seeking (NS), Harm avoidance (HA), Reward dependence (RD)
... I do hope you are writing these down...
You are going to need it all to understand years down the road why you chose the name TanyaScared...
I'll pray for you...TanyaScared... :-)
~Love, GT2~
You chose your name for a reason.
I recognize you, because I was you.
If you thought for one second you were scared when you came here.
Hang on Babygirl, It's going to be a real wild ride!
Continued use despite negative consequences...
His negativity is affecting you.
If you think you are so precious in his life.
WHY IS HIS NEGATIVITY ALREADY AFFECTING YOU?..?..?..????....????..??..
Have that glass of wine and laugh, chuckle away at everything..
If you want to be superwoman, go right ahead..
I absolutly loved the roll of Superwoman..
( P.S. I am in a 12 step program now for Co-Dependancy. )
All because I thought it would be ok.
And I didnt listen to anyones advice.
Because I was so strong.
And he was such a Great, Wonderful, Loving, Caring, Kind, Gentle, Honest man....
Miss Tanya Scared,
Remember these terms:
Addiction, Denial, Disease, Compliance, Control, Narcissists, Rejection, Loyal, Fear, Worry, Anger, Victim, Preoccupation, Impaired Control, Immediate Gratification, Physiological Dependence, Tolerance, Withdrawal, Anxiety, Irritability, Cravings, Co-Dependancy, Gas-Lighting, Nausea, Hallucinations, Headaches, Cold Sweats, Tremors, Substance, Addiction Recovery Groups, Alcoholics Anonymous, Narcodics Anonymous, Drug Rehabilitation, Affective Disorders, Mood Disorders, Ignored, Underlying, Aggressive, Selfish, Passive–Aggressive, Enabling, Positive Reinforcement, Negative Reinforcement, Assertiveness, Empathy, Compulsive, Resentful, Charisma, Charming, Prince Charming, Arguments, Opinions, Motivation, Domestic Relations Court, Cognition, Stigmatizing, Discourage, Isolate, Lawyer, Maintain, Emotional, Roller Coaster Ride, Abandoned, Blame, Exploit, Rage, Alone, Rigidity, Chronic, Dishonesty, Communication, Omnipotent, Boundaries, Rules, Obedience, Submissiveness, Misinform, Pity, Divorce, Shame, Faith, Hope, Low self-esteem, Mental Health, Survivor, Embarrass, Novelty seeking (NS), Harm avoidance (HA), Reward dependence (RD)
... I do hope you are writing these down...
You are going to need it all to understand years down the road why you chose the name TanyaScared...
I'll pray for you...TanyaScared... :-)
~Love, GT2~
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: MA
Posts: 18
K2/spice is BAD BAD stuff as the others said. I am in an outpatient addiction recovery group right now, and heard some freaky stories about that stuff. He says it's "legal". Big deal. So is alcohol and that sure ruins people's lives if it becomes a problem. I would be worried that he is on his way back to his drug of choice. And yes it sucks to postpone or cancel a wedding that is already paid for, but wouldn't that plus a divorce down the road be worse? And I'm not saying leave him. I'm strongly suggesting that you put YOU first, ahead of him, ahead of the wedding, ahead of the costs, and make absolutely 100% sure that he is getting help and taking recovery and long term sobriety seriously before you marry him. Good luck!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Minneapolis
Posts: 924
other drugs that used to be legal:
cocaine, LSD, ecstasy, morphine, heroin...and the list goes on and on.
tobacco, one of the leading killers is still legal and of course my DOC, alcohol, which I was using to slowly kill myself is legal
him saying that the house workers brought him the stuff is like an adolescent saying the pipe and weed was left by a friend. the only reason you are even talking about it is because you CAUGHT him.
cocaine, LSD, ecstasy, morphine, heroin...and the list goes on and on.
tobacco, one of the leading killers is still legal and of course my DOC, alcohol, which I was using to slowly kill myself is legal
him saying that the house workers brought him the stuff is like an adolescent saying the pipe and weed was left by a friend. the only reason you are even talking about it is because you CAUGHT him.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: The Jungle
Posts: 5,435
Thank you everyone and I will remember what you said if there is any more problems I will know where to come.
gentle hugs
ke
Still I rise.
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Oh Canada!
Posts: 1,121
Tanya,
What is worse--marrying an ACTIVE addict or postponing the wedding?
I am really having a hard time with you knowing--seeing(!)--his addiction and still going through with the wedding solely b/c it is planned. Now is the perfect time to set a boundary by NOT marrying him.
I fear you are in for a world of heartache b/c you so desperately wish to believe in him--he is not to be trusted.
What is worse--marrying an ACTIVE addict or postponing the wedding?
I am really having a hard time with you knowing--seeing(!)--his addiction and still going through with the wedding solely b/c it is planned. Now is the perfect time to set a boundary by NOT marrying him.
I fear you are in for a world of heartache b/c you so desperately wish to believe in him--he is not to be trusted.
Still I rise.
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Oh Canada!
Posts: 1,121
Originally Posted by lesliej 
the only reason you are even talking about it is because you CAUGHT him.
Tanya, what if you hadn't? Do you think he would have shared that he is using? Of course not.
He was willing to marry you knowing that he is secretly using. Not a good way to begin a marriage.
I just feel you can avoid so much hurt in the future by stopping this wedding now.
You cannot fix or help him. And he does need help--despite what he is telling you.
Good luck.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Chicago area
Posts: 4,269
Originally Posted by anvilhead
he's still feeding the beast. weeks before this wedding, he's still actively engaged in drug use. ain't a problem for him.....and one more time, has NOTHING to do with you. marrying him will not make it go away.
Drugs always come first.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Chicago area
Posts: 4,269
Originally Posted by TanyaScared
If he is sick he needs my help, not for me to leave him.
When we say help it usually means trying to control someone so they turn into the hopeful fantasy of who we want/need them to be.
If love and "help" worked, none of us would be here.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Sunshine, Sea Breeze & Palm Trees
Posts: 282
TanyaScared,
Simply put, lies, manipulation and theft is what you're in for if you continue a relationship with a drug addict. And what the hell kind of relationship is that? Do you really want to spend the rest of your life clinging to your purse, locking up your valuables, and worrying about whether you're being lied to?
Your thinking with the wedding reminds me of women who think that by bringing a baby into the relationship, the addict will stop, the addict will love the baby, and the addiction will be gone because there is "Love" and a "baby". Well in your case there is "love" and a "marriage". Often times the former ends up with messed up children... hopefully yours wont be a broken marriage but the odds are against you.
Please just sit back and really think about what you're signing yourself up for.
We're all people that were once on that rollercoaster ride from hell, some of us got off and are still healing from the injuries, while others are on that rollercoaster right now waving at you desperately to not get on...
Simply put, lies, manipulation and theft is what you're in for if you continue a relationship with a drug addict. And what the hell kind of relationship is that? Do you really want to spend the rest of your life clinging to your purse, locking up your valuables, and worrying about whether you're being lied to?
Your thinking with the wedding reminds me of women who think that by bringing a baby into the relationship, the addict will stop, the addict will love the baby, and the addiction will be gone because there is "Love" and a "baby". Well in your case there is "love" and a "marriage". Often times the former ends up with messed up children... hopefully yours wont be a broken marriage but the odds are against you.
Please just sit back and really think about what you're signing yourself up for.
We're all people that were once on that rollercoaster ride from hell, some of us got off and are still healing from the injuries, while others are on that rollercoaster right now waving at you desperately to not get on...
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