Long Term Resdential Care- expensive decision
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Knoxville, TN
Posts: 97
Ok now I am thinking of going the route of a christian based residential center.. I found one that is really cheap in Orange County, CA called NTS.. Anybody know anything about it?
RIP Sweet Suki
Join Date: Apr 2008
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Amaslow, may I ask...does your daughter really want this? Has she asked for this residential treatment? Do you truly believe she is done with the addiction and is willing to do anything to find recovery?
RIP Sweet Suki
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: In my sanctuary, my home
Posts: 39,916
Just something for you to think about...If you are trying to control the outcome of all this, I'm afraid you are going to be very disappointed. Please, PLEASE, do not cash out your retirement for this. If your daughter truly wants recovery, she will be more than willing to go to one of the free rehabs. There is absolutely NO reason for you to spend thousands of dollars on this. It might make you feel better to do so now, but if it doesn't work, and chances are good it won't, you will be sorry you did it, and you will be trying to live on much less money than you should have to.
Like I said, that is all just something for you to consider before you jump off a cliff and do something you very well may regret later.
Like I said, that is all just something for you to consider before you jump off a cliff and do something you very well may regret later.
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Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 111
Like cynical one and others have said - unless she is asking for this, maybe she isn't ready. And if she isn't ready, then it is money gone and wasted. I have already done this to the tune of $11K. I think as parents, the drive to help our kids is so strong, that when the right to do is let them fail, we often fail by fixing their situation; not their problem. We can't fix their problems; they own that. hope to you.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Knoxville, TN
Posts: 97
yes, she is asking for long term treatment and was as soon as she relapsed. I just don't see that she is in a place to do the leg work herself. She gets one ten minute call a day after 5pm and has no internet access..I have a call tomorrow with her counselor and I am going to tell her that I am not willing to pay 29K, and would like her to find a cheap place.. I am just hoping that she will take the baton.. The last thing I want is my daughter coming home in 10 days!!
Getting there!!
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 5,750
I kind of have the "you get what you pay for" mentality....but not on this subject.
Lindsay Lohan is a great example of - that even with the that best money can buy, it just didn't matter and won't until she is ready and serious about recovery.
Lindsay Lohan is a great example of - that even with the that best money can buy, it just didn't matter and won't until she is ready and serious about recovery.
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Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 1,927
I respect that you are trying to help find the best solution for your daughter.
I went through this process of researching rehab centers and methodologies while my husband was still using and not ready to quit. But I did it in hopes that one day he would want help, and then I wouldnt be lost at what to do.
The whole process is confusing, and if you mix in a possible dual diagnosis (which I didnt worry about) then it makes it much harder. I personally dont see how a person drug sick, or with only 20-30 days clean can really make a reasonable and rational decision weighing options and all that. I mean sure they can pick one, but thats not the same as doing comparison. Just my opinion.
Anyway, I found the rehabs very helpful in giving information, and I think you should tell her current advisor of your situation, and Im sure she can give you other options to consider. Good luck to both of you.
My husband finally did ask for help, and he is in rehab right now. Its going well. This is only his first attempt to quit, so Im hopeful but I know only time wlll tell.
I went through this process of researching rehab centers and methodologies while my husband was still using and not ready to quit. But I did it in hopes that one day he would want help, and then I wouldnt be lost at what to do.
The whole process is confusing, and if you mix in a possible dual diagnosis (which I didnt worry about) then it makes it much harder. I personally dont see how a person drug sick, or with only 20-30 days clean can really make a reasonable and rational decision weighing options and all that. I mean sure they can pick one, but thats not the same as doing comparison. Just my opinion.
Anyway, I found the rehabs very helpful in giving information, and I think you should tell her current advisor of your situation, and Im sure she can give you other options to consider. Good luck to both of you.
My husband finally did ask for help, and he is in rehab right now. Its going well. This is only his first attempt to quit, so Im hopeful but I know only time wlll tell.
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Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 720
I am a little confused here. You have referred to a daughter and a step daughter...are they the same person? Are you asking for feedback for two separate situations/people? I am asking so that I can tailor a response appropriately.
I know of some very good resources in Santa Cruz for rehab and recovery support if that is what you are looking for. Actually....if that is what your daughter/step daughter is looking for; because she is the one that needs to make that decision...not you. If she is asking...I am happy to provide some contacts.
Basically though you are not doing anyone any favors by bankrupting yourself or putting your future at risk. It's a form of martyrdom....or suicide really. If it worked...every parent of an addict would already have done that, been successful and ...well...there wouldn't be any more addicted children in the world! Unfortunately, it doesn't work out that way....we need to take care of ourselves. Honor ourselves; respect ourselves....that is the message our children need to hear....addict or not.
Let me know what you are looking for exactly and I will PM you with some info on the area specifically.
I know of some very good resources in Santa Cruz for rehab and recovery support if that is what you are looking for. Actually....if that is what your daughter/step daughter is looking for; because she is the one that needs to make that decision...not you. If she is asking...I am happy to provide some contacts.
Basically though you are not doing anyone any favors by bankrupting yourself or putting your future at risk. It's a form of martyrdom....or suicide really. If it worked...every parent of an addict would already have done that, been successful and ...well...there wouldn't be any more addicted children in the world! Unfortunately, it doesn't work out that way....we need to take care of ourselves. Honor ourselves; respect ourselves....that is the message our children need to hear....addict or not.
Let me know what you are looking for exactly and I will PM you with some info on the area specifically.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Knoxville, TN
Posts: 97
My step daughter will be in Santa Cruz working on her Phd. My daughter thought that since she really needed to get away from our area to help her in her recovery, that Santa Cruz might be a good choice since she would have some support in case she needed anything . My step daughter would be glad to have her out there too.... My daughter will be getting out of a 21 day detox and treatment facility on 6/29 and the reccomendatin is a long term residential program for 90 days then halfway house,
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Join Date: Jun 2012
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I am in a bad place...I usually don't get down like this...Trying to make a decision on a residental treatment center is killing me... What I have learned is that the average ones are 10K a month.. I talked to one today that is $*** a DAY!!Yes, there is the salvation army and some like it, but I can't get a comfort level with that.. though, I am putting myself at financail risk or ruin for the average ones!!
I talked to the shrink at treatment center today.. He is trying to figure her out.. He thinks she is ADHD and needs treatment for that right away.. He is not sure about the bi-polar ( maybe even bipolar I or maybe not at all !)) but is going to keep her on the Lamictal. for now.... He says she has no sense of boundaries.. in some ways over sensitive.. in other ways not sensitive.. He said she should not live at here...That was hard to hear, though I knew it.. It all made me feel so F___d up and guilty.. and worried about how to afford the support that she is going to need.. I feel like she is a train wreck. I feel like I am a train wreck...I am like seeing all my boundary problems flash before my eyes ...
I see how my own mother, meaning well, screwed me up.. all this multigenerational dysfunction.. It makes it hard for me to spend too much time with my mother now and she really needs me. She is 84 and lives alone..
Thanks for listening to my pity party...I am just in a place where I feel trapped and very unempowered or optimistic!
I talked to the shrink at treatment center today.. He is trying to figure her out.. He thinks she is ADHD and needs treatment for that right away.. He is not sure about the bi-polar ( maybe even bipolar I or maybe not at all !)) but is going to keep her on the Lamictal. for now.... He says she has no sense of boundaries.. in some ways over sensitive.. in other ways not sensitive.. He said she should not live at here...That was hard to hear, though I knew it.. It all made me feel so F___d up and guilty.. and worried about how to afford the support that she is going to need.. I feel like she is a train wreck. I feel like I am a train wreck...I am like seeing all my boundary problems flash before my eyes ...
I see how my own mother, meaning well, screwed me up.. all this multigenerational dysfunction.. It makes it hard for me to spend too much time with my mother now and she really needs me. She is 84 and lives alone..
Thanks for listening to my pity party...I am just in a place where I feel trapped and very unempowered or optimistic!
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Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 720
Just as a point of reference. I paid for my son to go to a 30 day inpatient facility (with the help of my insurance).
after making this choice I spoke with my uncle who has a lot of experience in the area of probation and drug recovery. His take was that the Salvation Army programs were the best! He said ok to support my kid one time but after that he should avail himself of programs that he can afford without parental support and SA is the best!!
I think the bottom line message is....it's not about the money or the program....it is about the desire an addict has to get clean or not. There isn't anything we can do except point out some resources. It is up to them to decide how they want to live their life. Just as it is up to us how we choose to live ours.
I choose to live free from the drama of addiction....what the addicts in my life choose is up to them but I refuse to "play" in their world. I can love them...but I am not joining them....
after making this choice I spoke with my uncle who has a lot of experience in the area of probation and drug recovery. His take was that the Salvation Army programs were the best! He said ok to support my kid one time but after that he should avail himself of programs that he can afford without parental support and SA is the best!!
I think the bottom line message is....it's not about the money or the program....it is about the desire an addict has to get clean or not. There isn't anything we can do except point out some resources. It is up to them to decide how they want to live their life. Just as it is up to us how we choose to live ours.
I choose to live free from the drama of addiction....what the addicts in my life choose is up to them but I refuse to "play" in their world. I can love them...but I am not joining them....
I'm no angel!
Join Date: May 2005
Location: tampa, fl
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A free program, like the Salvation Army can and will work as well as a 10k a month one IF the addict wants recovery, if they don't, NO program will work. Money does not make for recovery, desire, determination and the absolute committment to a recovery program is what makes and keeps an addict clean and sober.
As for the other "mental issues" no one knows, this all could be to her IV drug use, all the shrinks do is talk to the patient, review the data and attempt to make an educated guess.
Are you going to Alanon meetings or therapy? Have you read Codependent No More? If not, I would suggest you do both. You are attempting to control and orchestrate a situation that you will never have any ability to control or correct.
As for the other "mental issues" no one knows, this all could be to her IV drug use, all the shrinks do is talk to the patient, review the data and attempt to make an educated guess.
Are you going to Alanon meetings or therapy? Have you read Codependent No More? If not, I would suggest you do both. You are attempting to control and orchestrate a situation that you will never have any ability to control or correct.
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Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Kansas
Posts: 10,182
Originally Posted by amaslow 
yes, she is asking for long term treatment and was as soon as she relapsed. I just don't see that she is in a place to do the leg work herself. She gets one ten minute call a day after 5pm and has no internet access..I have a call tomorrow with her counselor and I am going to tell her that I am not willing to pay 29K, and would like her to find a cheap place.. I am just hoping that she will take the baton.. The last thing I want is my daughter coming home in 10 days!!
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Join Date: May 2009
Location: Land of Cotton
Posts: 3,433
I have some experience in this area. My daughter, at age 16, suddenly became extremely suicidal beginning a 2-1/2 year odyssey of doctors, therapists, psychiatrists, mental health clinics and a residential treatment center. Some of this was covered by insurance, but still our out of pocket expenses in 2011 alone were $26,000+!! She actually had a 30-day stay a renowned clinic that was $1,000/day that was covered 100% by insurance. It helped to get her diagnosed, and she learned some tools to cope with her ‘illness’, but it was only a start. 2 months after being released from that program she was arrested for shoplifting…and her junior year in high school was shot all to hell—she failing everything even though her schedule had been pared down to only 3 classes. The year before she was an ‘A’ student. Still suicidal, she became determined to self-destruct by partying and doing lots of drugs. Her older brother is the reason I am here to begin with… he’s been addicted since he was 15 or 16…so she was very well aware of the impact of her drug use not only on herself but on the family. Anyway….long story short….I put her into residential treatment. It wasn’t a fancy place, but our family therapist worked there part-time and I trusted her completely. If she said it was a good place and suitable for my daughter, then I believed her. The cost was partially covered by insurance…probably about 2/3 of it…and it was $7,500/month. She completed the program in 5 months and the therapists there were amazing and very dedicated.
Was it all worth it? Yes. Did I have the money? Yes. I have a healthy 401K built up after 25 years with a very good company, but I didn’t touch it….nor would I. My mother had passed away 4 years ago and the money I spent on my daughter’s treatment came directly from the inheritance I received from mom’s estate. I figured that it was there for a special purpose, I didn’t earn it, and Mom would have wanted me to use it to take care of her grandchildren.
My daughter is doing much better now, but not ‘cured’ by any stretch of the imagination. She is still on a slippery slope …but here’s the thing: Addiction recovery and mental illness treatment are closely related in this way – they both require 110% willingness, motivation and participation of the patient herself. The patient has to WANT TO get better in order for the treatments to even have a 20% chance of being effective. Here’s the other thing: you can’t effectively treat mental illness until the street drugs are completely out of their system. Your daughter can’t be properly diagnosed or treated until the addiction is addressed.
Here’s another thing: No matter what I do or don’t do, or how she’s diagnosed…. my daughter has to take care of herself for the rest of her life…to recognize when she’s gone off track, to take her meds regularly, to make and keep regular doctor’s appointments, actively participate in therapy, etc.
What’s this all mean for you? If I were you (and clearly I am NOT!!), I would save my money and try to get her into the Salvation Army program, or shop around for other free treatment…they are out there. (There were many kids in my daughter’s treatment center placed there by the county and paid for by the county!) The treatment modalities are very similar and she will benefit greatly IF she actively participates and is willing. AFTER she gets clean, get references for continuing psych treatment from the mental health association in your state/county.
Bottom line is ….you can go broke trying to get her sober and treated, but it probably won’t be enough anyway. Try to conserve your resources as best you can and utilize free services wherever possible. Turn it over to God. Pray. Rest. Take it one day at a time. Don’t make fast decisions. Do the best you can, but don’t kill yourself doing it – it won’t help.
I hope this helps…I know it’s a bitter pill to swallow, but it’s what I’ve learned. For whatever its worth.
Big hugs. I know how hard this is. :ghug3
Was it all worth it? Yes. Did I have the money? Yes. I have a healthy 401K built up after 25 years with a very good company, but I didn’t touch it….nor would I. My mother had passed away 4 years ago and the money I spent on my daughter’s treatment came directly from the inheritance I received from mom’s estate. I figured that it was there for a special purpose, I didn’t earn it, and Mom would have wanted me to use it to take care of her grandchildren.
My daughter is doing much better now, but not ‘cured’ by any stretch of the imagination. She is still on a slippery slope …but here’s the thing: Addiction recovery and mental illness treatment are closely related in this way – they both require 110% willingness, motivation and participation of the patient herself. The patient has to WANT TO get better in order for the treatments to even have a 20% chance of being effective. Here’s the other thing: you can’t effectively treat mental illness until the street drugs are completely out of their system. Your daughter can’t be properly diagnosed or treated until the addiction is addressed.
Here’s another thing: No matter what I do or don’t do, or how she’s diagnosed…. my daughter has to take care of herself for the rest of her life…to recognize when she’s gone off track, to take her meds regularly, to make and keep regular doctor’s appointments, actively participate in therapy, etc.
What’s this all mean for you? If I were you (and clearly I am NOT!!), I would save my money and try to get her into the Salvation Army program, or shop around for other free treatment…they are out there. (There were many kids in my daughter’s treatment center placed there by the county and paid for by the county!) The treatment modalities are very similar and she will benefit greatly IF she actively participates and is willing. AFTER she gets clean, get references for continuing psych treatment from the mental health association in your state/county.
Bottom line is ….you can go broke trying to get her sober and treated, but it probably won’t be enough anyway. Try to conserve your resources as best you can and utilize free services wherever possible. Turn it over to God. Pray. Rest. Take it one day at a time. Don’t make fast decisions. Do the best you can, but don’t kill yourself doing it – it won’t help.
I hope this helps…I know it’s a bitter pill to swallow, but it’s what I’ve learned. For whatever its worth.
Big hugs. I know how hard this is. :ghug3
RIP Sweet Suki
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: In my sanctuary, my home
Posts: 39,916
Originally Posted by amaslow
I am in a bad place...I usually don't get down like this...Trying to make a decision on a residental treatment center is killing me... What I have learned is that the average ones are 10K a month.. I talked to one today that is $*** a DAY!!Yes, there is the salvation army and some like it, but I can't get a comfort level with that.. though, I am putting myself at financail risk or ruin for the average ones!!
Thanks for listening to my pity party...I am just in a place where I feel trapped and very unempowered or optimistic!
Thanks for listening to my pity party...I am just in a place where I feel trapped and very unempowered or optimistic!
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Join Date: Oct 2010
Posts: 455
amaslow- I hope you've found some peace knowing there are options besides cashing out your retirement funds. Also in 21 days your D may have some ideas of her own. Remember, it is not up to you to set up something for her. It is up to her to help herself and she can do it without you. My AD got herself into a free detox completely on her own. She did not make the most of that opportunity but she could have if she had really wanted to. I would have been devastated if I had cashed out my savings to send her to the detox only to have her walk out. Thank goodness I did not.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Knoxville, TN
Posts: 97
I have made the decision to send my daughter to Safe Harbor.. It was driving me crazy and no other good option showed itself. After researching prices, I really couldn't find anything besides the Salvation Army type programs that was cheaper.. it is important that she be in an all women's program and I think she deserves to finally get appopriate treatment. She has never been in a residential program, though it has been reccomended.
She will be able to get a job after 45 days, so that at least will be some help.. I am 62 years old an may not be around to help her 10 or20 years on the future, so if I can find a way to help her now that will make a difference in the rest of her life. I feel like I want to do it.. even if it means taking mone out of my meager retirement. It isn't like there is enough in there to provide much for me to live on anyway.
I am going to go forward in faith with a positive attitude that God will take care of me and my daughter. I don't have the luxury of a negative thought!
She will be able to get a job after 45 days, so that at least will be some help.. I am 62 years old an may not be around to help her 10 or20 years on the future, so if I can find a way to help her now that will make a difference in the rest of her life. I feel like I want to do it.. even if it means taking mone out of my meager retirement. It isn't like there is enough in there to provide much for me to live on anyway.
I am going to go forward in faith with a positive attitude that God will take care of me and my daughter. I don't have the luxury of a negative thought!
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Join Date: Feb 2008
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amaslow, I've not responded before now but I kept up with you.
I understand your decision. When I first discovered my daughter's addiction, I took her to CA to detox and receive some intense therapy. I researched everything about addiction and it's treatments. I spared no cost and don't regret it for one moment, not even after she relapsed a few times and I spent more money.
I did end up regretting a few things later that, strangely enough, cost the least amount of money.
Over the past 5 years, I've learned that everything I do regarding my daughter, has to be in good conscience. My motives have to be right and without expectation. Eventually, because of our individual addictions and recoveries, I remembered to live my entire life by the Golden Rule with no regrets.
Healing thoughts and prayers for both you and your daughter
I understand your decision. When I first discovered my daughter's addiction, I took her to CA to detox and receive some intense therapy. I researched everything about addiction and it's treatments. I spared no cost and don't regret it for one moment, not even after she relapsed a few times and I spent more money.
I did end up regretting a few things later that, strangely enough, cost the least amount of money.
Over the past 5 years, I've learned that everything I do regarding my daughter, has to be in good conscience. My motives have to be right and without expectation. Eventually, because of our individual addictions and recoveries, I remembered to live my entire life by the Golden Rule with no regrets.
Healing thoughts and prayers for both you and your daughter
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