amaslow

My 22 yr old daugher is an IV oxy user and is on her 4th relapse and 3rd inpatient treatment. She has Hep C and with this last relapse, has been diagnosed with bi-polar disorder..and an eating disorder.

This time I took her out of state to MN to a nationally aclaimed treatment center. She will be discharged after 21 days there and they are reccomending residential care for women in CA, called Safe Harbor. ... It is expensive and I don't hold any hope of insurance covering it... I am already financaily depleted from her... I have a very small amount in a 401k ( I am 62) and would be taking most of it out to pay for 90 days there..

I just feel that she never had a fair shot at getting clean without proper treatment for her bi-polar disorder and I want to do this for her while I am still around to help her.. She has alot of life ahead..Her dad is an active addict living in poverty and not in good health. It is up to me.

I appreciate advice tha anyone could offer!!

crazybabie

Welcome to SR, I am sorry I have no advice I just wanted to let you know I care and feel for you. I do hope she will be treated for the bipolar as well. I have that diagnosis and I can tell you if she doesn't take her meds for it she will not stand much of a chance IMO

Hugs from one mother to another.

StillLearning1

Does the California one specialize in dual disorders?
If not, Union Gospel Mission in Mn has a very good year long program.

sadmabel

Wow, what a horrible position to be in. I am afraid I will soon be in the position to have to mortgage my house to the hilt. It is scary, but I am 41 and have time to recoup my losses. It is a shame the financial, emotional, mental, physical and social devastation we all have to go through at the hands of this disease. My son is an oxy addict too. I am worried for you to use your retirement. I mean, when do we ever get to live our own lives, build for our futures. Can she get disability? Would that pay for her care? Or medicaid? I know we have to do whatever we can to save our kids but what happens when we all run out of money and resources?

EJG123

You have a tough choice to make. Will you be able to survive okay if you deplete your retirement savings? I guess I feel she should have the tools for recovery if she has been in treatment several times already. If she is unwilling or unable to use those tools, then what would make this time different?

amaslow

If I deplete my retirement, I would only have social security to live on.. I doubt I have much equity, if any, in my house now.. She is on my health insurance and I think she can stay on it till she 26, so she would not qualify for Medicaid.. with my experience, with this insurance, I am not optimistic that it willpay a dime.. They refused to pay for this level of care before.

The califonia one has a number of specialties... I know they have been on Dr Phil a few times. Her bi-polar is not very obvious, but is bound to be a big factor in her addiction and relapses.. It just has put her in a deeper hole with the addiction...

suki44883

I know you love your daughter and want to help her, but depleting your retirement is not the way to do it. There is no guarantee that this expensive facility will actually help her. If she is on your insurance, will it pay for individual therapy with a psychiatrist specializing in addiction? They would be able to prescribe meds for her and I would think that would be as helpful for her since she already has the tools she needs regarding the addiction. She just needs help in using them.

Seriously, I would look into other solutions before I would consider depleting my retirement for such a huge risk.

sadmabel

This is so sad. I have just started dealing with the insurance nightmare. It seems addiction is not treated the same as other chronic diseases, most of which are not imminently life threatening.

dollydo

Honestly, if it were me I wouldn't do it. I am 64 and in retirement, I can assure you that
social security does not cut the mustard and as we age more and more health issues begin to appear and medicare by no means cover all the expenses.

lightseeker

those are great suggestions from Cynical One. I totally understand your feelings and confusion and it just seems like one of those places might be a good compromise.

My ex husband had multi in patient rehabs and relapsed everytime. Finally, he got sober and was going to NA and a private out patient counselor. About 2 years into sobriety he was diagnosed as bipolar and began treatment for that. I guess that I trying to say that in patient isn't a for sure thing. I hope that you can find something that helps her but also doesn't wipe out your retirement.

Hugs...

outtolunch

My daughter has more diagnosis than Carter has pills. ( How;'s that for dating myself?) Back when I received a similar recommendation from that world class rehab in Mn. I manipulated my daughter into the posh California treatment center. Abut 100 days later, she came home and relapsed within hours. This is not the fault of the treatment center. She was simply not ready to let go of the drug life.

Since that time I have read thousands of posts on many of the SR forums from people with longer term recovery under their belts. The overwhelming majority got and stayed clean without benefit of a rehab or formal treatment program. Many turned to AA/NA and the 12 step approach. Some used other recovery programs/approaches. And some use the SR forum. The common thread is that each of them took responsibility for themselves and their own recovery.

incitingsilence

Who says she is bipolar, and from when, way before the drugs or it this more an in the now thing. This typically is found in a child between age 15 or so into early their early 20's, if she was using at age 15, or from before that it may very well be the drugs.

I swore with a education to back my thinking up that my husband was bi-polar, the manic and depressive episodes where so dead on target. It was the heroin. I don't think any diagnosis is true until there is long term sobriety. You just can't say hey you are this or that when drug use is involved. You need to have sobriety a year is best, or a diagnosis way before the drugs entered the picture.

I highly recommend the Salvation Army program they are all over the country.

Oh and to add in something ... the eating disorder, is a form of control, another addiction so to speak. It is very normal to stop using drugs or at the same time as using become fixated on people, body image, food, sex, the lottery...but in the end it is all part of the core issue, something within her. The drug use is a symptom, the eating disorder is the same....

sadmabel

I agree with incitingsilence. Our family doctor is telling me and my son that he has ADHD and anxiety problems. Well i would too if I took oxy all day long. I told the doctor I dont think he should be treated for ADHD, anxiety or anything until he is off the pills and has a clear mind. He wanted to give him a benzo for anxiety and I flipped out. He will only mix it with oxy to see how that new high feels. He may have an underlying issue but it would be impossible to diagnose while on drugs. My son told me I was crazy, the doctor knows more than me. I told him he is exactly right, the doctor knows more about most things than I do. But he doesn't live in my house and he doesn't know my son better than I do.

Vale

The person I cared about would talk your ear off all day
about all the diagnoses'(sp?) ,her therapists,all the jargon
she picked up over 40 years of watching television medical
drama terminology.
It funny how all the stereotypes re-emerge after each generation
"conclusively" disproves them.Talk is cheap comes to mind.
Please do not expend the funds that you have spent a lifetime
accumulating for your own safety and security-----especially on such
an incredible long shot like a boutique rehab for an addict that is not ready
to stop.You'd have FAR better odds taking the money out west to Vegas.

you matter.
YOU MATTER!!!

amaslow

I am hearing the advice here.. Does anybody have any experience with a reasonably priced residential facility..all womens..? It is hard to think of sending her out of state without some inside knowledge.. I have a phone conference scheduled with the treatment center on Tuesday.. I will ask them for a plan B. My step daugter is moving to Santa Cruz for school.. would be good if I could find her a place there just so she has some support if needed.. I don't have much time to figure it out

tbeit

There is a place called Oxford house it all over and its a halfway house if she was to go to a place like this she would have structure. Then she could find a good therapist that can work with her and find out if all of these diagnosis are real ir if its the drugs mimicing these disorders. I was also diagnosed with bipolar but once I got clean we found it was the drugs.

dollydo

Your step daughter will have enough on her hands going out of state to school, without
having to deal with an addict.

As for your daughter, she will get all the support she needs from others at the facility. Remember, she navigated through the world of drug addicts, figured out how to get the drugs and use them, she used her street support system.

Just my two cents.

outtolunch

What are your daughter's plans post release from Mn?

outtolunch

Back when, I nearly bankrupted myself emotionally, physically and financially trying to fix my daughter. She had been diagnosed with severe learning differences, Bipolar, Borderline Personality Disorder, ADD, Eating Disorder, Affective Scihzoid Disorder and more, lots more. She was also a herioin addict.

It came down to saving myself or die trying to continue to save her. I chose me. Eventually, she chose to save herself and did so on her own, in her own timeframe.

SundaysChild

You may want to call your insurance company to see if there are any in-network plans they will cover. If not, combining an IOP with sober living could also be an option.

No matter how expensive the rehab, if she is not ready to embrace recovery you willing be wasting your money.

It's her recovery - and while it's wonderful that you want to help her get the tools she needs, she needs to want the them.