Daughter on Heroin + Meth
Member
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Burnsville, MN
Posts: 966
I know here in Minnesota there are street outreach folks that walk the streets reaching out to those who are willing to talk to them. Also there are shelters and places to eat if the homeless want to go there.
My son was on the streets for about 9 months, it was during the winter, he survived. He stayed nights at various homeless shelters. Eventually he checked himself into a 10 day inpatient, followed by a 6 month stay at a recovery house w/meetings, etc. He was an opiate addict, mainly pain pills of any kind and he smoked heroin. He still has 3 warrants - but mainly petty so I suppose not high on the list and he stays out of trouble so they haven't caught up to him.
You are in my thoughts because I know how hard it is to deal w/an addict child.
My son was on the streets for about 9 months, it was during the winter, he survived. He stayed nights at various homeless shelters. Eventually he checked himself into a 10 day inpatient, followed by a 6 month stay at a recovery house w/meetings, etc. He was an opiate addict, mainly pain pills of any kind and he smoked heroin. He still has 3 warrants - but mainly petty so I suppose not high on the list and he stays out of trouble so they haven't caught up to him.
You are in my thoughts because I know how hard it is to deal w/an addict child.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 9
Thank you everyone for taking the time to write me. I have read every single line. This gave me a bit of hope "I know here in Minnesota there are street outreach folks that walk the streets reaching out to those who are willing to talk to them. Also there are shelters and places to eat if the homeless want to go there."
Last year in our church we wnt out to the city and fed the homeless and talked with them. I can only hope someone reaches out to my daughter and gives her the chance at life!
I found out tonight that when she went to LA she searched for homeless people for drugs. She ended up on SkidRow! Im in the process of getting her back to washington state. I would rather have her on the streets here than on skid row. I am a zombie right now. I appreciate everyones stories they help me. Am i suppose to just walk away? I dont know what to do anymore. She called me for money and i said no. Her x plans on going there to bring her home. I just hope it isnt too late. I do believe in God and have been leaning on him more lately. I will be honest i was angry and i stopped praying because i felt like he wasnt listening / didnt care.
Last year in our church we wnt out to the city and fed the homeless and talked with them. I can only hope someone reaches out to my daughter and gives her the chance at life!
I found out tonight that when she went to LA she searched for homeless people for drugs. She ended up on SkidRow! Im in the process of getting her back to washington state. I would rather have her on the streets here than on skid row. I am a zombie right now. I appreciate everyones stories they help me. Am i suppose to just walk away? I dont know what to do anymore. She called me for money and i said no. Her x plans on going there to bring her home. I just hope it isnt too late. I do believe in God and have been leaning on him more lately. I will be honest i was angry and i stopped praying because i felt like he wasnt listening / didnt care.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 1,288
It's better not to have kids. Having children is sooo over rated.
With all the stress they put you through, make you physically ill, you die and they just go on living.
We are entitled to have a good life too and not obsess around their life every moment we have. Once they're adults, they need to learn to take responsibility for their actions and suffer the consequences. We had to do it when we were growing up.
It's hard to deal with.
With all the stress they put you through, make you physically ill, you die and they just go on living.
We are entitled to have a good life too and not obsess around their life every moment we have. Once they're adults, they need to learn to take responsibility for their actions and suffer the consequences. We had to do it when we were growing up.
It's hard to deal with.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 9
Please pray for me. Now, shes saying she dont want to come home and her x is on his way down there. I dont know how someone makes it out of skidrow alive. I will never see my daughter again. She doesnt even have shoes, or an ID. I dont feel like living anymore.
Still Standing
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Here @ SR.
Posts: 3,296
I don't know if you believe in God, but I do & I know that all things Are possible with God. And I know that as long as your daughter is alive that there is hope. That is what my Mother always said to all of us; where there is life, there is hope. Please don't give up on her & definitely don't give up on yourself.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,445
Sending prayers out for you, your family and your daughter Icelated.
I know this must be so hard for you and I'm sorry.
Sometimes the hardest thing to do is to watch our loved ones make the wrong choices - but I believe God watches over us all, and I'll pray he'll keep your daughter safe.
I hope you'll continue to look after yourself too - and keep leaning on us
D
I know this must be so hard for you and I'm sorry.
Sometimes the hardest thing to do is to watch our loved ones make the wrong choices - but I believe God watches over us all, and I'll pray he'll keep your daughter safe.
I hope you'll continue to look after yourself too - and keep leaning on us
D
Administrator
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: CA
Posts: 10,681
I dont feel like living anymore.
It is an extremely difficult situation to cope with when we love our children so much.
We do learn to cope though. It does get easier for us.
You are at the point where you need to swim to shore and save yourself right now. It will not help your daughter at all if you both go down. If she won't grab the life preserver you are handing to her there is nothing you can do for her right now.
This puts us between a rock and a hard place and it can feel like there is no escape from the pain. This is what made me feel like I didn't want to live. It got easier though. I still have melt downs, but I can cope most of the time without the terrible pain now.
You might want to talk to your doctor and try to find a therapist to talk to right now until you get past this crisis. I know how hard it is and how it feels.
You are not alone.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 9
I believe in God and for a few years i lost my way. But this is bringing me closer to him. Her x took my money and bought drugs and tried to make me believe he was heading down there to get her. He had no intentions of getting her but just to steal my money.
I bought her a bus ticket and she ended up missing the time. Bad thing is to take a different time she needs $15. I cant do it over the phone. Grey hound tells me she has to do it at the station. The ticket is good for a year. She has the confirmation number and the password. All she needs is $15 and the will to come home.
She got upset when she went there and didnt have $15, and was like i am just going to hollywood. However, some lady gave her $20 so she can take the bus. The last bus is heading out at 10:40. thats like in 15 min and i havent heard from here since. So, i know she wont be boarding that bus!
My heart is broken. My baby girl is 2 states away and i cant do anything about it.
If she really wanted to come home she would make that bus. I just dont think she wants to come home. I guess being a junky on the streets is more exciting to her.
I need to learn how to let go. I know deep down i will never see her again. But how do i go on with my life? I love her. I miss her. Shes all i have! =(
I bought her a bus ticket and she ended up missing the time. Bad thing is to take a different time she needs $15. I cant do it over the phone. Grey hound tells me she has to do it at the station. The ticket is good for a year. She has the confirmation number and the password. All she needs is $15 and the will to come home.
She got upset when she went there and didnt have $15, and was like i am just going to hollywood. However, some lady gave her $20 so she can take the bus. The last bus is heading out at 10:40. thats like in 15 min and i havent heard from here since. So, i know she wont be boarding that bus!
My heart is broken. My baby girl is 2 states away and i cant do anything about it.
If she really wanted to come home she would make that bus. I just dont think she wants to come home. I guess being a junky on the streets is more exciting to her.
I need to learn how to let go. I know deep down i will never see her again. But how do i go on with my life? I love her. I miss her. Shes all i have! =(
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: The Jungle
Posts: 5,435
The thoughts that are whirling through your head right now are so painful and anxious. It is palpable in your post. And those of us who are the parents of addicts understand those thoughts....we've been there.
If I learned nothing else from my meetings, I learned that I don't know anything. I often used the words "I know" but until something actually happens, I don't "know". I can't read the future but I can sure make myself miserable thinking that I can.
The first three steps of a recovery program can be summed up pretty darn simply.
Step 1
I can't
Step 2
God can
Step 3
I think I'll let Him.
I believe that a 12 step program saved my life and my sanity. It doesn't work for everyone. And not everyone is willing to do it. Others have found ways to cope. But for me, my life became so unmanageable and I was so lost in my sons's addiction, that it was literally KILLING me.
The power of the mind is so great that it can turn on itself. It can kill you. Recognizing that we have no control over another human being is very difficult to accept.....particularly when it is our child....no matter how old they are.....we feel we have a responsibility to save them. The experience that your daughter is having right now may be just what she needs to find whatever it is deep inside of her that will make her want to get get clean and sober. You just never know.
My heart just breaks for you. Ive been where you are and it's beyond awful. I used to think that I couldn't bear it if my son died. But I will survive it if it happens. And I will live my life while he is living his. Right now.....there are two people lost in addiction......your daughter and you. But it doesn't have to be that way. And choosing to save yourself is not selfish. It does not make you a bad parent. But those are the thoughts that we parents struggle with.
I work the program that I wish my son would. And it has been life altering for me.
You and your dear daughter are in my prayers.
gentle hugs
ke
If I learned nothing else from my meetings, I learned that I don't know anything. I often used the words "I know" but until something actually happens, I don't "know". I can't read the future but I can sure make myself miserable thinking that I can.
The first three steps of a recovery program can be summed up pretty darn simply.
Step 1
I can't
Step 2
God can
Step 3
I think I'll let Him.
I believe that a 12 step program saved my life and my sanity. It doesn't work for everyone. And not everyone is willing to do it. Others have found ways to cope. But for me, my life became so unmanageable and I was so lost in my sons's addiction, that it was literally KILLING me.
The power of the mind is so great that it can turn on itself. It can kill you. Recognizing that we have no control over another human being is very difficult to accept.....particularly when it is our child....no matter how old they are.....we feel we have a responsibility to save them. The experience that your daughter is having right now may be just what she needs to find whatever it is deep inside of her that will make her want to get get clean and sober. You just never know.
My heart just breaks for you. Ive been where you are and it's beyond awful. I used to think that I couldn't bear it if my son died. But I will survive it if it happens. And I will live my life while he is living his. Right now.....there are two people lost in addiction......your daughter and you. But it doesn't have to be that way. And choosing to save yourself is not selfish. It does not make you a bad parent. But those are the thoughts that we parents struggle with.
I work the program that I wish my son would. And it has been life altering for me.
You and your dear daughter are in my prayers.
gentle hugs
ke
Member
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Alabama
Posts: 1,741
The first three steps of a recovery program can be summed up pretty darn simply.
Step 1
I can't
Step 2
God can
Step 3
I think I'll let Him.
Seeing it worded that way I love it, posted on my desk now.
Step 1
I can't
Step 2
God can
Step 3
I think I'll let Him.
Seeing it worded that way I love it, posted on my desk now.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: In a good place
Posts: 4,482
Originally Posted by Morning Glory 
You might want to talk to your doctor and try to find a therapist to talk to right now until you get past this crisis.
I also remember the first time my daughter detoxed. The addictionologist there asked me to imagine my worst fear for her, then asked me "now what happens to you?" I was dumbfounded but an answer - the truth - came to me, "I find a way to survive."
Please continue to reach out and find help for yourself. Find a healthier way to survive
Member
Join Date: Nov 2011
Posts: 227
Thank you for that post KE. Just what I needed to read tonight.
Icelated, you and your daughter remain in my prayers. She may have gotten on the bus. But if she didn't, realize that it's just because her HP had another plan for her right now.
I know how you feel. I once paid for a plane ticket for my son. After a lot of chaos I just KNEW there was no way he was going to make the flight. I worried myself sick for hours, hounded customer service and yelled at them for not being able to break FAA regulations to tell me whether or not my son had gotten on the plane. I finally heard from him...he had landed and needed to be picked up.
I'll also tell you that in retrospect flying him back home was a very bad decision. Within weeks he'd hooked up with his former friends and was back to his old tricks. The next incident was what finally led me to SR, families anonymous, and counseling for myself. Today, 6 months later, I'm doing OK and he's surviving (on his own) despite having had to encounter some very harsh consequences (including jail). I wholeheartedly believe that if I hadn't made the difficult decision to let go I'd probably be in a psych ward right now. It was only through reaching out and coming to the realization that I truly am powerless over my sons addiction that I was able to start to heal.
Keep posting and try to find some f2f support for yourself. We are all here for you and completely understand how you're feeling. Unfortunately you are not alone.
((hugs))
Icelated, you and your daughter remain in my prayers. She may have gotten on the bus. But if she didn't, realize that it's just because her HP had another plan for her right now.
I know how you feel. I once paid for a plane ticket for my son. After a lot of chaos I just KNEW there was no way he was going to make the flight. I worried myself sick for hours, hounded customer service and yelled at them for not being able to break FAA regulations to tell me whether or not my son had gotten on the plane. I finally heard from him...he had landed and needed to be picked up.
I'll also tell you that in retrospect flying him back home was a very bad decision. Within weeks he'd hooked up with his former friends and was back to his old tricks. The next incident was what finally led me to SR, families anonymous, and counseling for myself. Today, 6 months later, I'm doing OK and he's surviving (on his own) despite having had to encounter some very harsh consequences (including jail). I wholeheartedly believe that if I hadn't made the difficult decision to let go I'd probably be in a psych ward right now. It was only through reaching out and coming to the realization that I truly am powerless over my sons addiction that I was able to start to heal.
Keep posting and try to find some f2f support for yourself. We are all here for you and completely understand how you're feeling. Unfortunately you are not alone.
((hugs))
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 9
She actually got on that bus. She has been home for a few days now. She had told me that she would quit for me and go into treatment. "quit for me" Not the words i want to hear. Anyways, she told me her court date for the domestic violence is this june 11th.
She left my house and i haven't heard from her in 6 days. What clothes she has left is here so i am concerned. Originally, her plan was to go to Vegas to be a stripper. Not, what a dad wants to hear.
I hope she didn't take off for there. I was letting her stay here while i got her into treatment. She really had no where to go so for her not to be here or keep in contact with me has me scared. She will probably turn up soon. Thank fully, shes out of LA.
She left my house and i haven't heard from her in 6 days. What clothes she has left is here so i am concerned. Originally, her plan was to go to Vegas to be a stripper. Not, what a dad wants to hear.
I hope she didn't take off for there. I was letting her stay here while i got her into treatment. She really had no where to go so for her not to be here or keep in contact with me has me scared. She will probably turn up soon. Thank fully, shes out of LA.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: The Jungle
Posts: 5,435
Glad to hear that she did get on that bus. I'm sure that was a tremendous relief for you.
But she has disappeared again. That's what was very difficult for me when I allowed our son to live with us. No warning.....disappearing for several days.....no call. If it was anyone else in the world, I would file a missing person's report. But this was his MO so I knew he wasn't really "missing". It is very disturbing.
You and your daughter are in my prayers.
gentle hugs
ke
But she has disappeared again. That's what was very difficult for me when I allowed our son to live with us. No warning.....disappearing for several days.....no call. If it was anyone else in the world, I would file a missing person's report. But this was his MO so I knew he wasn't really "missing". It is very disturbing.
You and your daughter are in my prayers.
gentle hugs
ke
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 1,698
Ice, I am also happy she made it home. I did a log of time lapses for when I wouldn't hear from my son and it really hit home that when he was in rehab, jail, living away from me, etc. There were long periods of time where I didn't hear from him, but I also didn't worry since I knew where he was.
The truth is, he was doing whatever he wanted to do during all of those lag times and I was oblivious to those actions. It just hurts now because I know that he is intentionally gone and doesn't want me to know where he is. BUT, I am not as freaked out now because my timeline has shown me that we have gone no contact many times before and he has always turned up.
I will pray for your daughter to make her court appointment on June 11.
Hugs
Teresa
The truth is, he was doing whatever he wanted to do during all of those lag times and I was oblivious to those actions. It just hurts now because I know that he is intentionally gone and doesn't want me to know where he is. BUT, I am not as freaked out now because my timeline has shown me that we have gone no contact many times before and he has always turned up.
I will pray for your daughter to make her court appointment on June 11.
Hugs
Teresa
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