Am I being manipulated again?
I'm no angel!
Join Date: May 2005
Location: tampa, fl
Posts: 6,728
Good for you..keep those meetings up.
And yes, there is hope for you, trust your therapist, this whole recovery thing is a slow process, although, I really don't think I'll ever get it a 100% right I keep moving forward, one small step at a time...for me...for my well-being.
And yes, there is hope for you, trust your therapist, this whole recovery thing is a slow process, although, I really don't think I'll ever get it a 100% right I keep moving forward, one small step at a time...for me...for my well-being.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Minneapolis
Posts: 924
when I was a boozer...when I was down on my spiral, it felt like an impossible job to get up out of that hole, celebrating a week...a month...a year?? that felt like so so so far off, I couldn't imagine it. it was a lot of work to get into recovery and go through the processes of growing up, becoming whole, and being able to look people in the eye and celebrate life and give back to community of the gifts that I discovered in recovery...in a healthier happier life.
but when I was sick...when I was in the throes of it, I just couldn't imagine it, I didn't know how beautiful life could be, how grateful I would be for each day.
then I fell in love with a man struggling with addiction. it was a wild ride right on into love...and then a pretty quick spiral into codependency.
when I realized, after two years of putting everything I had (and I have a damn good size bag o trix!) into trying to hold onto that relationship...when I realized that I had to let go I realized I was back at that place, where I could not imagine how to do it...how to get better, how to get past the drama and pain and heartache and grief of codependent relationship.
it is just one day at a time. and it is work. it is posting/processing/reading/reflecting/talking/meetings/meditating/praying/asking/listening...etc, etc. and it is about discovering joy, discovering freedom, release, ease, compassion, tenderness, positive outlook, peacefulness...and even love for the person who seemed to hurt you with their disease.
I love my ex. but how could I ever expect/hope/pray that he do the work, make the effort, seek health and well being...if I can see that it would help and I am not willing to do the work myself??
the best part is that in doing the work recovery happens. peace. serenity. love.
we all do better by everyone in our life if we are taking care of ourselves. for a codependent that may seem selfish, but it isn't. if we are not practicing self awareness in regard to a relationship with addiction...then it is almost inevitable that we are contributing to it...if we are not aware of our own role in the system than we are almost assuredly feeding the addiction.
addiction lives off of pain.
how much pain have you fed it today?
but when I was sick...when I was in the throes of it, I just couldn't imagine it, I didn't know how beautiful life could be, how grateful I would be for each day.
then I fell in love with a man struggling with addiction. it was a wild ride right on into love...and then a pretty quick spiral into codependency.
when I realized, after two years of putting everything I had (and I have a damn good size bag o trix!) into trying to hold onto that relationship...when I realized that I had to let go I realized I was back at that place, where I could not imagine how to do it...how to get better, how to get past the drama and pain and heartache and grief of codependent relationship.
it is just one day at a time. and it is work. it is posting/processing/reading/reflecting/talking/meetings/meditating/praying/asking/listening...etc, etc. and it is about discovering joy, discovering freedom, release, ease, compassion, tenderness, positive outlook, peacefulness...and even love for the person who seemed to hurt you with their disease.
I love my ex. but how could I ever expect/hope/pray that he do the work, make the effort, seek health and well being...if I can see that it would help and I am not willing to do the work myself??
the best part is that in doing the work recovery happens. peace. serenity. love.
we all do better by everyone in our life if we are taking care of ourselves. for a codependent that may seem selfish, but it isn't. if we are not practicing self awareness in regard to a relationship with addiction...then it is almost inevitable that we are contributing to it...if we are not aware of our own role in the system than we are almost assuredly feeding the addiction.
addiction lives off of pain.
how much pain have you fed it today?
Getting there!!
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 5,750
Originally Posted by anvilhead 
whoa guys, sorry, i said that is when i first sobered up.......didn't say i HAD 25 years of continuous sobriety. sorry if that was misunderstood! after 7.5 years OF sobriety, i chose to drink again....cuz i got lost and confused and had wandered away from the program. my meeting attendance declined, my involvement declined. oddly enough my life was "great" at the time....married, nice house, kid doing well, bank accounts healthy. but there was still something missing, i still had things to learn, mistakes to make i guess. so it was back to the bars and dancing and all that stuff, for a lot of years. and then...i met crack cocaine. which pretty much killed the going OUT part (strange benefit if you will) and there went another 4.5 years. today i have over 4.5 years clean and today i don't have that aching restlessness, that need to be anywhere but where i am, be anyone but who i am. everything i learned in the early years of sobriety is without question of value to me today.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Los Angeles
Posts: 271
LeslieJ. Would you please help me understand what you mean by "addiction lives off pain?" then you said "how much pain have you fed it today?"
I get that addicts feed their addiction through pain, self hatred, blame, resentment, etc... It seems as though your referring to Codie's.
Still learning everyday
I get that addicts feed their addiction through pain, self hatred, blame, resentment, etc... It seems as though your referring to Codie's.
Still learning everyday
Member
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Minneapolis
Posts: 924
Hello Joy,
"Addiction feeds on pain..." that is my E, S, & H...
early on in the two+year relationship that I had with my ex and his addiction (jekyll and hyde) I remember saying "I will NOT allow you to feed my heart to that demon!"
I think it is part of the systematic dis-ease of addiction, those who are in the system feed energy, time, hope and love to the addiction, praying for the cure. If you are in the system and not working a program for your codependency then the likelihood is that you are enabling the addiction. enabling feeds the addiction while causing pain.
some of us suffer from hemmoraging energy...our life force and heart space, our capacity to tend to our own dimension is diminished by our codependence...the addiction thrives on it.
"Addiction feeds on pain..." that is my E, S, & H...
early on in the two+year relationship that I had with my ex and his addiction (jekyll and hyde) I remember saying "I will NOT allow you to feed my heart to that demon!"
I think it is part of the systematic dis-ease of addiction, those who are in the system feed energy, time, hope and love to the addiction, praying for the cure. If you are in the system and not working a program for your codependency then the likelihood is that you are enabling the addiction. enabling feeds the addiction while causing pain.
some of us suffer from hemmoraging energy...our life force and heart space, our capacity to tend to our own dimension is diminished by our codependence...the addiction thrives on it.
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