Tell me I am not alone
trying to find a balance
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 57
Originally Posted by Windmills 
The split personality is so hard to handle. So hard. I think reconciling the two, recognising that they're both part of his personality and the drinking is just a symptom of what's going on with him.. That's tough. Really tough. I've had physical distance since Halloween and I'm only just working through that the past couple of weeks.
I second what zoso said. Find a meeting. It'll change your life. Walking through the doors the first time is the best decision I think I ever made. I've met some truly inspiring people, people I can reach out to when I need a friendly voice or some support or even just to share my little victories, and they cheer me on. Getting a text saying 'I'm thinking of you today, give me a call if you need anything' is amazing. Especially when you know they mean it. I'm learning from the program, I'm getting strength from the literature. Literally learning a better way to live.
Do you have a support network?
I second what zoso said. Find a meeting. It'll change your life. Walking through the doors the first time is the best decision I think I ever made. I've met some truly inspiring people, people I can reach out to when I need a friendly voice or some support or even just to share my little victories, and they cheer me on. Getting a text saying 'I'm thinking of you today, give me a call if you need anything' is amazing. Especially when you know they mean it. I'm learning from the program, I'm getting strength from the literature. Literally learning a better way to live.
Do you have a support network?
I don’t. I lost my house, my credit, my *ss when I divorced my husband 4 years ago. I have spent the last 3.5 years supporting the ABF, his parents, and his kids from his first marriage…so I have no money and I have lost touch with my family trying to keep his sober. My mother has a love for pills and booze that is beyond words. My older brother cant come out of the bottle long enough to acknowledge my son (he’s almost two) and my friends quit talking to me when I quit drinking. So the folks here or SR are my support network.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Orem UT
Posts: 312
Alcoholism isolate us from friends and family, it is typical, however; I have found real friends in al-anon, I volunteer for service and participate in their programs, they do lots of activities, you can even take your children to some of those so they can also feel they are not alone. It really help you grow when you help others, specially those that are willing to receive help.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: North West, England
Posts: 500
You should definitely go back. Maybe you weren't ready. Maybe you are now?
I find it hard to share. Sometimes I go to a meeting and don't say anything at all. But these days I've lost the need to justify- the people in those rooms understand. They know where you are because they've been there too.
I find it hard to share. Sometimes I go to a meeting and don't say anything at all. But these days I've lost the need to justify- the people in those rooms understand. They know where you are because they've been there too.
trying to find a balance
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 57
Odat63 and Windmills- Thank you both! I found a meeting in my area that I can bring my son with me (they offer babysitting during the meeting) so I think that I will give it a go and just listen to what the others they have to say. Thank you for all your support and words of encouragement.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Canada
Posts: 164
Originally Posted by twolivestouched
I am still in that "fear of the future" stage. He is not abusive really. I mean I know that people will say that he is, but its not in the sense that I think of abuse. So i struggle with thoughts of leaving as being selfish.
I finally had enough though and broke up with him on Monday night. I miss him but I don't miss the stress it was causing me (we had only been seeing eachother for 7 months and I could see his drinking getting progressively worse- he also made the mistake of telling me that he and his ex wife broke up because she turned into a b*tch because of his drinking so HE left her- i thought I better get the hell out of here too then before I turn into a b*tch too lol).
Its not been easy though, he hasn't tried to win me back this time which is playing on my mind a bit, no midnight texts saying he misses me etc, this is making me feel weird but that is my co-dependent side. Each day is getting better and I find comfort in visiting SR. Thank you for sharing your stories. It is nice to know I am not alone. And I hope I can help with mine.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: too close to the fire
Posts: 173
You are in our thoughts and prayers........
It does get easier.
Habits are hard to break good or bad.
You will get thru this. Stay away, get support. Keep busy Believe in yourself. and know your deserve better. If you cant for you... Do it for your child! God Bless you.. I was there with two children. I left on a motorcycle, with no money and no where to go, I know the pain of losing the man you love to the bottle and drugs and then admitting you have failed, and having no one. Brush it off God will never leave you Dolly!
It does get easier.
Habits are hard to break good or bad.
You will get thru this. Stay away, get support. Keep busy Believe in yourself. and know your deserve better. If you cant for you... Do it for your child! God Bless you.. I was there with two children. I left on a motorcycle, with no money and no where to go, I know the pain of losing the man you love to the bottle and drugs and then admitting you have failed, and having no one. Brush it off God will never leave you Dolly!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: dow, illinois
Posts: 71
I am going thru this to. Keep thinking hes going to snap out of it, and everything is going to be great again. Im still struggling hard. We have to be out of our house in 3 weeks , no where to go.Ihave no friends living here, no one to do things with nothing.Joe was my best friend, my everything.I pray u get the help u need.I just found this site and its all ready helping me feel not so alone. Hang in there
Member
Join Date: Nov 2011
Posts: 227
I'm finding that it's best to concentrate on anything you say after the word "BUT".. He's a great guy, he's kind, loving, etc, BUT when he drinks/druging, etc. ..... anything after the "BUT" is usually your gut telling you what isn't right with the relationship.
This concept really hit home with me when someone said to me, "other than that, Mrs. Lincoln, how was the play"?
I minimize.. Focuse on the good and try to rationalize away the bad. That doesn't serve me well and keeps me entangled in unhealthy situations. I did this with my addict as well as with just about every other relationship in my life.
I'm not in my 20's, but if I could turn back time I would listen to my gut, stop minimizing, and love myself enough to know that I deserve better than a relationship with someone who has unacceptable "BUTS".
This concept really hit home with me when someone said to me, "other than that, Mrs. Lincoln, how was the play"?
I minimize.. Focuse on the good and try to rationalize away the bad. That doesn't serve me well and keeps me entangled in unhealthy situations. I did this with my addict as well as with just about every other relationship in my life.
I'm not in my 20's, but if I could turn back time I would listen to my gut, stop minimizing, and love myself enough to know that I deserve better than a relationship with someone who has unacceptable "BUTS".
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