KelleyF

Yez5

Whatever you do.... if it be to follow advice on this forum... or not.
You are not a failure, nor a bad person.

We are all human; and we follow our hearts as well as our minds.
Addiction is very tough stuff to deal with; for your entire family; including your husband.

You alone can make the choice of going no contact. Its for your health and well-being - not for anyone else.

I personally dont think making a call to check on your husband is the issue; its how it makes you feel after.

Wishing you the best
Kel

KelleyF

Yez5

Whatever you do.... if it be to follow advice on this forum... or not.
You are not a failure, nor a bad person.

We are all human; and we follow our hearts as well as our minds.
Addiction is very tough stuff to deal with; for your entire family; including your husband.

You alone can make the choice of going no contact. Its for your health and well-being - not for anyone else.

I personally dont think making a call to check on your husband is the issue; its how it makes you feel after.

Wishing you the best
Kel

KelleyF

Yez5

Whatever you do.... if it be to follow advice on this forum... or not.
You are not a failure, nor a bad person.

We are all human; and we follow our hearts as well as our minds.
Addiction is very tough stuff to deal with; for your entire family; including your husband.

You alone can make the choice of going no contact. Its for your health and well-being - not for anyone else.

I personally dont think making a call to check on your husband is the issue; its how it makes you feel after.

Wishing you the best
Kel

YearForMe

With my addict daughter I had to come to the realization that if something bad has happened, I'm quite certain I will hear about it sooner or later.
If something bad has happened....then it's already happened.....you aren't going to stop it.

To me, the "something bad" happening is that he has taken food from his children.

KelleyF

Sorry about all the duplicates...... I guess the web Gods thought you needed to hear Your A Good person 3x. Lol

December2011

This is going to sound harsh, but I hated my mother just has much, if not more then I hated my drug addicted father, because she didn't protect us. He died when I was 21 of complications from drug abuse( I didn't really care, because he had died in my eyes years before that) I guess he died with us- your partner said he "would die without you." I think you get my drift on that.

What I am saying is please get your kids out of that situation. You are fortunate to have the help of your family in NY. Some people are completely alone in these situations. I would take advantage of that help pronto.

Praying for you

madisonblake

You are NOT a bad person. You are in love with someone who's mind has been taken over by something you can't control. I am a single mom with just one child so I can't imagine how hard it would be for you with more. Please go to your family's house. My mom was just here tonight as I'm going no contact with my ex and I felt so much better having her here. I would love it if my mom or sister could be here every night for awhile. It does help. It's hard enough being a single mom but it's brutal being a single mom alone and dealing with this level of stress.

yez5

Just knowing that my family is now aware of what I have been going through makes me feel better. One of my sisters is planning on coming down here to help me plan and just be with me. Who knows maybe I will finally get a good nights rest with her here.

yez5

He emailed me yesterday saying he found a place in FL for treatment. He said he would like to pick up his stuff and if I could put it in his van so he can pick it up while I am at work. This outpatient thing is suppose to last 4-8 weeks. That does not seem long enough to me at all. I dont mind giving him his things. I guess I feel uncomfortable having him back near us. And the fact that I haven't made concrete decisions whether or not I will go back with him after the treatment makes me anxious. He always wants a definite answer from me about our future. But I don't have one and I hate being pushed. I just wish he would stay in NY but now I have to deal with this.

YearForMe

It could be....and probably is......a total and complete load of crap.

I see manipulation working....

He's going to tell you he found treatment in Florida. Then he tells you he wants to get his stuff. He wants to see how you will react....so he can see if the hook is set.

I hope you didn't respond........at all.

YearForMe

Yez.....perhaps go back to the very beginning of this thread and read your initial post and all of the responses again.

You need an extra boost of strength right now.

lesliej

there is no reason for you to have to see him before he goes into treatment (or after...) unless you want to see him. I think that if you asked us all about our experience we would most likely tell you that you can expect nothing to have changed "concretely"...right now the chances are extremely high that it is just all words. and because he has been with you for so long he is going to know exactly what to say

if he is going into treatment all he needs are some clothes, and I am guessing he has clothes with him, correct? he just wants a reason to try to see you. and to "psychically" get close.

distance is probably the most healthy thing you can do right now. it doesn't have to be anything black and white even. it is not right for him to demand an absolute definitive answer FROM you. that answer, YOUR answer, will be for you, and you will get it when you know what you want. he has plenty to do in the meantime

he has a major priority to take care of
"his" answer can wait
just be careful around the manipulation, bullying, and blame
a lot of what will be said will sound true
when recovery is happening then the true meaning will become clearer
in the meantime just invite space, silence, clarity and peace.

if he does carry through on treatment then you will have another 8 weeks space at the very least

yez5

I am afraid I did respond, old habit. I was straight foward and told him I would put his things in his van for him to pick up when I am at work and the kids at school. He no longer has the house keys so he can't get in. But now I feel anxious. He wont be here unless I give him a date to when I am ready.

dollydo

Do his things include any electronics or anything else that he can pawn or trade for drugs?

yez5

Yes he wanted his computer, mp3 player, he aso asked for his ATM card for his own bank account. He says he plans to get a job while in treatment.

yez5

He is in NY right now.

lesliej

hmmm, I guess I'm not familiar with rehab that allows for computers and mp3...must be outpatient or something

or the rehab is called a pawnshop...curious
doesn't sound like recovery is the priority

yez5

I agree with you. But I want him out and maybe giving him his things will give him another reason not to come back and bother us

gurlie214

yez, just wondering if you had an update? Havent heard from you in a few?

yez5

Hey thanks for looking in. I actually started another thread "Things can get so complicated" and have written the most recent madness there. He is emailing and texting since he got back here yesterday. I am trying to stay strong and not answer. So Hard! But I am fighting it.