About to go through a world of pain
Member
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: not sure
Posts: 452
Originally Posted by becky1982 
I'm realizing I'm like a tiny boat and he is the ocean. He's tossing me about, letting me drift endlessly, and rocking me gently in the sun, its unpredictable and on his terms. I want to figure out a way to be ok no matter what the weather is in his life, I want to be the ocean, or maybe the sky. I gave him all my power over the years, by being afraid, and he knows my greatest fear and exploits it: that the person I love will go away and never come back. If I could face this fear I believe I could regain my power...one day at a time of course!
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Becky, I can't add much to this post that hasn't already been said, but I wanted to stop and send you a hug and tell you that I will keep you and your daughters in my prayers.
What you are going through is hard. It will remain hard until something changes. I too feared where change might lead me, but in the end I traveled on blind faith because I knew that to remain stuck in my son's addiction would kill me long before it killed him.
Lonely is better than terrified. The peace of being alone is better than chaos every day. And for your girls...one loving parent is better than two terribly unhappy and toxic ones.
Indeed you do, and one day soon your life will be better.
Hugs
What you are going through is hard. It will remain hard until something changes. I too feared where change might lead me, but in the end I traveled on blind faith because I knew that to remain stuck in my son's addiction would kill me long before it killed him.
Lonely is better than terrified. The peace of being alone is better than chaos every day. And for your girls...one loving parent is better than two terribly unhappy and toxic ones.
I deserve better. I deserve a husband I can trust who doesnt use me for money. I deserve to feel safe in my home...
Hugs
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