A Sad and Lonely Valentine's Day
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Coconut Creek, FL
Posts: 7
A Sad and Lonely Valentine's Day
My long lost love and I were reunited after being separated for 15 years in November, 2010, little did I know he was abusing prescription pain pills, even though I wasn't around him all the time for me to even notice he was having any weird behavior issues that had anything to do with an addictive personality from them until he texted me saying he was in a rehab because of prescription drugs addiction from pain killers he was taking since early 2010 which was the same year we were reunited after a 15 year parting of the ways. Anyhow, Valentine's Day will soon arrive and I am depressed and lonely because of that fact. He doesn't know when he will be getting out and who knows what will happen by then. All I know is that I am hurt and confused about all this.
I'm no angel!
Join Date: May 2005
Location: tampa, fl
Posts: 6,728
Welcome, sorry that you are in pain, however, this is just one day out of a year. It is a day created by business, a way to generate revenue, that's it.
Focus on you, go to meetings, learn all you can about this disease that has no cure.
Focus on you, go to meetings, learn all you can about this disease that has no cure.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 445
I prefer to think of it this way... Your long lost love has a serious problem but he is in treatment this Valentines Day. *With treatment hopefully will come recovery and therefore a chance for a Happy Future (and many Valentines Days) spent together. *
"Addiction treatment must help the individual stop using drugs, maintain a drug-free lifestyle, and achieve productive functioning in the family, at work, and in society. Because addiction is typically a chronic disease, people cannot simply stop using drugs for a few days and be cured. Most patients require long-term or repeated episodes of care to achieve the ultimate goal of sustained abstinence and recovery of their lives."
--National Institute Drug Abuse
Take some time to let the shock wear off,*
Then, learn about his addiction, and the process of recovery, and how this disease will affect you - if you decide to stay.
Best to both of you
Kelley
"Addiction treatment must help the individual stop using drugs, maintain a drug-free lifestyle, and achieve productive functioning in the family, at work, and in society. Because addiction is typically a chronic disease, people cannot simply stop using drugs for a few days and be cured. Most patients require long-term or repeated episodes of care to achieve the ultimate goal of sustained abstinence and recovery of their lives."
--National Institute Drug Abuse
Take some time to let the shock wear off,*
Then, learn about his addiction, and the process of recovery, and how this disease will affect you - if you decide to stay.
Best to both of you
Kelley
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: new moon road
Posts: 1,545
A warm welcome to SR, jbdream. You are in the right place. We know what it is to be shocked to find out someone we love has been secretly using drugs, fooling us, lying to us, leading a secret life. It hurts. It devastates us. And we are afraid what the future may hold.
I'm sure you have so many hopes for your long-lost love, and you need not yet let go of those.
The most important thing is to accept responsibility right now to research what addictive disease is, to educate yourself about the realities of having a drug addict--recovering or using--in your life, and to right now decide whether you will meet the challenge of being the partner of a recovering drug addict by doing what YOU have to do.
What you have to do is get some serious one-on-one support for the long and sometimes difficult road ahead. You will be an automatic codependent. So this means you will need a weekly Nar-Anon or Al-Anon meeting, counseling if you can afford it, and continuing to read and/or communicate here on SR. Otherwise you will lose your mind. You will unravel and lose your mind, in an addictive relationship, without support. His addiction can easily control both of you.
God brought this man back into your life for reasons you cannot now understand, given the shock and confusion of your situation. But one thing about being involved with a drug addict: it lights a fire under our butt to grow up. We have to learn to face reality, deal with reality, get gut honest, use our intuition, and to accept no BS from an addict trying to con us in his disease.
You have a lot of work ahead of you if you want to be the lifelong partner of a recovering drug addict. No one can say right now how this will all work out for you. But for sure you have taken a major step by posting on this forum and admitting you need direction.
That is recovery. I hope you will continue.
Some good books are "The Addictive Personality" and "Codependent No More," for starters. Also "When Painkillers Become Dangerous" (Dr. Drew).
The links under the "Sticky" headings will lead you to a wealth of vital information. You really must educate yourself. This is a cunning and powerful mental disease and you cannot assume you know anything at all about your abf's situation, his past use, or his present state of mind. Addicts lie all the time and yours will, too.
But there is hope.
So welcome. Post anytime you are confused or need feedback.
I'm sure you have so many hopes for your long-lost love, and you need not yet let go of those.
The most important thing is to accept responsibility right now to research what addictive disease is, to educate yourself about the realities of having a drug addict--recovering or using--in your life, and to right now decide whether you will meet the challenge of being the partner of a recovering drug addict by doing what YOU have to do.
What you have to do is get some serious one-on-one support for the long and sometimes difficult road ahead. You will be an automatic codependent. So this means you will need a weekly Nar-Anon or Al-Anon meeting, counseling if you can afford it, and continuing to read and/or communicate here on SR. Otherwise you will lose your mind. You will unravel and lose your mind, in an addictive relationship, without support. His addiction can easily control both of you.
God brought this man back into your life for reasons you cannot now understand, given the shock and confusion of your situation. But one thing about being involved with a drug addict: it lights a fire under our butt to grow up. We have to learn to face reality, deal with reality, get gut honest, use our intuition, and to accept no BS from an addict trying to con us in his disease.
You have a lot of work ahead of you if you want to be the lifelong partner of a recovering drug addict. No one can say right now how this will all work out for you. But for sure you have taken a major step by posting on this forum and admitting you need direction.
That is recovery. I hope you will continue.
Some good books are "The Addictive Personality" and "Codependent No More," for starters. Also "When Painkillers Become Dangerous" (Dr. Drew).
The links under the "Sticky" headings will lead you to a wealth of vital information. You really must educate yourself. This is a cunning and powerful mental disease and you cannot assume you know anything at all about your abf's situation, his past use, or his present state of mind. Addicts lie all the time and yours will, too.
But there is hope.
So welcome. Post anytime you are confused or need feedback.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Kentucky
Posts: 15
I know you are hurting, but like the others have mentioned, Valentine's Day is just like any other day. I am someone that loves any sort of holiday and I was terrified of not being able to celebrate them with my XABF. However, I came to realize just because we are not together anymore doesn't mean I can't celebrate them! You should think that way too! So this Valentin's Day, instead of being sad you two are apart, be thankful of the other loves in your life, like your family, friends, work, hobbies...whatever!
I sincerely hope you have a wonderful Valentin's Day and positive thoughts are sent your way!
<3,
Brit1413
I sincerely hope you have a wonderful Valentin's Day and positive thoughts are sent your way!
<3,
Brit1413
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: The Jungle
Posts: 5,435
Welcome to SR. This is a great place to learn about addiction and how it affects the loved ones of addicts.
Everything is a matter of perspective. You can look at Valentines Day as a lonely and heartbreaking day away from your reunited loved one OR you can view his being in rehab as the best Valentines Day gift he could give to you and himself.
I hope you stick around. Learn. Read. Ask questions. Vent. Participate.
gentle hugs
ke
Everything is a matter of perspective. You can look at Valentines Day as a lonely and heartbreaking day away from your reunited loved one OR you can view his being in rehab as the best Valentines Day gift he could give to you and himself.
I hope you stick around. Learn. Read. Ask questions. Vent. Participate.
gentle hugs
ke
Living in a Pinkful Place
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 7,545
Congrats on finding your new SR family ~
I believe you will find great love and support here ~ I know these wonderful people have helped me greatly in dealing with the affects of the disease and how it affects my loved ones.
We all have tough days ~ especially "Holidays" so much pressure for them to be "Movie" perfect ~
as many have written ~ we like to OWN our days and not allow others dictate how we celebrate . . .
Many will volunteer on Thanksgiving and Christmas rather than spend it with uncomfortable & dysfunctional family gatherings
Some will offer to be the baby sitter rather than attending a New Years Eve party
Didn't get flowers or Chocolates on Valentines ~ buy a plant and make some cupcakes and bring them to your local nursing home, children's hospital, ~ maybe even buy a big bag of dog food for your local animal rescue shelter ~
Sometimes breaking the "traditions" and starting your own can help and heal you ~
Just a few suggestions ~ Please know it is not to discount your pain and suffering ~ I do hope you continue to seek your own recovery so that you can learn how to deal with the affects of loving someone who struggles with addiction~
PINK HUGS,
Rita
I believe you will find great love and support here ~ I know these wonderful people have helped me greatly in dealing with the affects of the disease and how it affects my loved ones.
We all have tough days ~ especially "Holidays" so much pressure for them to be "Movie" perfect ~
as many have written ~ we like to OWN our days and not allow others dictate how we celebrate . . .
Many will volunteer on Thanksgiving and Christmas rather than spend it with uncomfortable & dysfunctional family gatherings
Some will offer to be the baby sitter rather than attending a New Years Eve party
Didn't get flowers or Chocolates on Valentines ~ buy a plant and make some cupcakes and bring them to your local nursing home, children's hospital, ~ maybe even buy a big bag of dog food for your local animal rescue shelter ~
Sometimes breaking the "traditions" and starting your own can help and heal you ~
Just a few suggestions ~ Please know it is not to discount your pain and suffering ~ I do hope you continue to seek your own recovery so that you can learn how to deal with the affects of loving someone who struggles with addiction~
PINK HUGS,
Rita
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