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Old 11-17-2011, 12:32 PM
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Living in a Pinkful Place
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More lessons to learn

I guess I'm just not as strong as I thought I was. . .

I posted last week about my Ash being back in jail - I mailed the letter and I haven't heard anything from her ~

I'm going to have some time over the next week that I won't have our granddaughter with me ~ so I thought that maybe I would go visit her ~

I have done the visits before when she has been in jail - it's not easy, but I thought maybe I would, you know that feeling, just to see their face, to know they are ok ~ the facility she is in you have talk to her thru the phone, so you can't touch her, but still I just had that Mom desire to just go - ya know?

BUT maybe sometimes God does for us what we cannot do for ourselves. . .

I called the jail and she does have visitation privileges but she didn't add my name to the allowed visitors list. . . . .

Nothing like a COLD HARD SLAP of reality to make your remember how much this disease can cut you to the very depth of your soul.

Breathe in, Breathe out. . .

Ok I know she's in a very bad place
I know it's not personal
I know it's not about me
I know it's to keep her away from everyone that represents recovery
I know
I know
I know

But right now, I think I just need to feel the hurt, rejection and pain. . .

Because yes I am I die hard, true blue, recovering, Al-Anoner for LIFE, but right now I'm a Mom who's heart just hurts too. . .

Thanks as always my sweet trusted recovery SR family - for allowing me to post my pain, my joys and my struggles.

I will be just fine - I've made it thru worse ~ just needed a little time & computer space to express my thoughts and shed a few tears . . .

PINK HUGS and prayers again for each & everyone of us as we walk this road,

Rita
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Old 11-17-2011, 12:38 PM
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"What soap is for the body, tears are for the soul"

Sorry that you have to experience the pain of rejection by your daughter. Hugs hope you feel better soon!
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Old 11-17-2011, 12:53 PM
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sorry for what you are going through rita. you have always been here to give me a pink hug, so i am giving you my earth tone hug.

i know you will feel better soon, but in case it helps, just like you said it is not personal.
hope your day turns pink!
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Old 11-17-2011, 12:56 PM
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I'd worry about you if it didn't hurt and I'm sorry that it does
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Old 11-17-2011, 03:46 PM
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I am sorry, however, to me, it would not be in your best interest to visit her in first place.
It's like if you keep scratching an open sore, the most you scratch it, the longer it takes to heal.

Recovery from codependency is hard, hard work, I imagine that I will be in recovery the rest of my life, somehow, I am going to beat it, I must, for me, as you must do for you, your well-being, not to mention that of your GD.

Sending hugs and support your way....As Ever....Dolly
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Old 11-17-2011, 06:59 PM
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Hello Rita, You are loved, you are special and of course you love your child, we all do!
It is the pain and cross we bear as parents. Sending a special hug your way as I also wait for my son to let me into his life. He would NOT allow us to visit him in jail and he went No contact for the first 13 days in rehab. Now he is in a facility that allows families to visit on Thanksgiving, but I wont know if he wants to see us until the blackout date is lifted which is 11-22. Love, Hugs and support from me to you....
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