4 years ago
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 3,335
4 years ago
Man, I just took a look at my sign up date - April 2007. Holy cow!
In April 2007 I was two years into my own recovery from crack addiction. I wasn't using but my ex was still in my life. He wasn't really my ex. I was still trying to help him. He had gotten out of jail and was living with us - most of the time. He was making and breaking promises constantly. I was working my butt off to try to support our baby, he was occasionally contributing and occasionally inviting his drug dealer to come over and smoke crack when I was at work. Things were going missing from my house. My son was 18 months old and loved his daddy so much. I was trying to ensure he had a relationship with his father.
It was so much pressure. I was trying to fix everything. Control everything. My life looked good on the outside, but inside I was a mess. And I was much better off at this point than I was during the previous 18 months and throughout my pregnancy - I had quit smoking crack and changed my life style completely. I had learned about co-dependency and I was trying to fix myself. All the while, I was maintaining contact with my ex, thinking I could save him too.
It took several years to get to a point of no contact. And sometimes my son still begs me to get in touch with his daddy (like last night - he told me, I just want to see him once in a while momma. Can you email him. Can we drive by where he used to live. Can we find his friends and ask them where he is.) But my boundaries are firm. I will not all active drug addicts in my life or his life. I tell my son, when your daddy is healthy, he will contact us. I am teaching him about addiction. He knows addiction is when you start doing something and you can't stop. He knows that people who are active in addiction make really bad choices. He knows it's a disease his daddy suffers from - and that it's not his fault or my fault.
It's been a long road and my journey is not over.
I have dealt with my codependency issues. I will always be codependent but I can recognize it in my behaviors now, and I can change my direction when I need to.
I can deal with hurt. I can feel it. I can get through it. I know that as long as I keep making wise choices everything will be ok.
I'm so glad I found recovery for myself. I'm so glad that I realized change has to start with me and that I have learned to accept, that no matter how painful it is, I cannot control other people's choices.
I wish this for all of you who are still struggling in unhealthy relationships with others and with yourselves.
That's why I still come to this sight. So that hopefully, others will see that they can have a better life.
In April 2007 I was two years into my own recovery from crack addiction. I wasn't using but my ex was still in my life. He wasn't really my ex. I was still trying to help him. He had gotten out of jail and was living with us - most of the time. He was making and breaking promises constantly. I was working my butt off to try to support our baby, he was occasionally contributing and occasionally inviting his drug dealer to come over and smoke crack when I was at work. Things were going missing from my house. My son was 18 months old and loved his daddy so much. I was trying to ensure he had a relationship with his father.
It was so much pressure. I was trying to fix everything. Control everything. My life looked good on the outside, but inside I was a mess. And I was much better off at this point than I was during the previous 18 months and throughout my pregnancy - I had quit smoking crack and changed my life style completely. I had learned about co-dependency and I was trying to fix myself. All the while, I was maintaining contact with my ex, thinking I could save him too.
It took several years to get to a point of no contact. And sometimes my son still begs me to get in touch with his daddy (like last night - he told me, I just want to see him once in a while momma. Can you email him. Can we drive by where he used to live. Can we find his friends and ask them where he is.) But my boundaries are firm. I will not all active drug addicts in my life or his life. I tell my son, when your daddy is healthy, he will contact us. I am teaching him about addiction. He knows addiction is when you start doing something and you can't stop. He knows that people who are active in addiction make really bad choices. He knows it's a disease his daddy suffers from - and that it's not his fault or my fault.
It's been a long road and my journey is not over.
I have dealt with my codependency issues. I will always be codependent but I can recognize it in my behaviors now, and I can change my direction when I need to.
I can deal with hurt. I can feel it. I can get through it. I know that as long as I keep making wise choices everything will be ok.
I'm so glad I found recovery for myself. I'm so glad that I realized change has to start with me and that I have learned to accept, that no matter how painful it is, I cannot control other people's choices.
I wish this for all of you who are still struggling in unhealthy relationships with others and with yourselves.
That's why I still come to this sight. So that hopefully, others will see that they can have a better life.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 774
hello hello-kitty-
thanks for sharing your back-story and recovery. it helps seeingthe time frame that it took poeple to recover, or at least get a firm foothold into recovery. sometimes i feel likea lost cause having been in this for 18 months, but your story remnind me tht it may not beovernight and that it may take another few months, but at least i am closer than i was.
thanks
thanks for sharing your back-story and recovery. it helps seeingthe time frame that it took poeple to recover, or at least get a firm foothold into recovery. sometimes i feel likea lost cause having been in this for 18 months, but your story remnind me tht it may not beovernight and that it may take another few months, but at least i am closer than i was.
thanks
Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 774
hey-
i do not want to hijack this and make it about me, but i do want to reply. there is the issue of terminal uniqueness. no doubt.
today i was having one of those moments where i was thinking- what did she do last night, why didnt she call yet, whats she doing now. as you know when i get the calls they mostly just keep me hanging on for the next one. so while sitting here, i contemplated no contact again. if i do not know anything it cannot hurt me. if i am not waiting to hear something, i cant get anxious. i can say- i love you and call me when you are there. it wont make her not love me. it is like an addict, well it is addiction, i will get there when i am ready. i might have to do it in steps, but i see that if i let go, it cant hurt me. so- thanks again
i do not want to hijack this and make it about me, but i do want to reply. there is the issue of terminal uniqueness. no doubt.
today i was having one of those moments where i was thinking- what did she do last night, why didnt she call yet, whats she doing now. as you know when i get the calls they mostly just keep me hanging on for the next one. so while sitting here, i contemplated no contact again. if i do not know anything it cannot hurt me. if i am not waiting to hear something, i cant get anxious. i can say- i love you and call me when you are there. it wont make her not love me. it is like an addict, well it is addiction, i will get there when i am ready. i might have to do it in steps, but i see that if i let go, it cant hurt me. so- thanks again
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 3,335
I remember when I used to be a crackhead. People always had excuses for using. They always used to say "I'm going to quit it in steps."
What a joke. The only way to quit smoking crack is to put the pipe down and never pick it up again. No matter what.
Same goes with that damn telephone.
Rationalization is a symptom of the disease. It's a way the disease perpetuates itself.
Put the pipe down. Get serious. Stop making excuses. That's the only way to heal.
What a joke. The only way to quit smoking crack is to put the pipe down and never pick it up again. No matter what.
Same goes with that damn telephone.
Rationalization is a symptom of the disease. It's a way the disease perpetuates itself.
Put the pipe down. Get serious. Stop making excuses. That's the only way to heal.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 774
i get al kinds of love around here! but the tough love is good too. i have been ridinghte fence at best on this issue. usually i am deep into the contact side. i get up to the fence. i but my fingers through the chain links, get the tip of one foot there too, and i hang on there. sometimes i lift myself up enough to see the no contact side, but i hop back down and stay where i am. last year tough love may not have worked on me, but i think this is about the time a kick now and then helps me stay in the right direction.
hello-kitty and many others have been saying no contact for a long long time.
hello-kitty and many others have been saying no contact for a long long time.
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
It was so much pressure. I was trying to fix everything. Control everything. My life looked good on the outside, but inside I was a mess.
I am so glad you found recovery as a double winner, and I am grateful that you share your light with all of us.
And I must say that it tickles me just a little to visualize you calling Anvil on her BS early in her recovery...sorry Anvil, please know that I chose a sponsor that called me on mine too...but this one made me kersnickle
I am so glad you came to SR, and more glad you stuck around.
Hugs
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