MsPINKAcres

I guess I'm just not as strong as I thought I was. . .

I posted last week about my Ash being back in jail - I mailed the letter and I haven't heard anything from her ~

I'm going to have some time over the next week that I won't have our granddaughter with me ~ so I thought that maybe I would go visit her ~

I have done the visits before when she has been in jail - it's not easy, but I thought maybe I would, you know that feeling, just to see their face, to know they are ok ~ the facility she is in you have talk to her thru the phone, so you can't touch her, but still I just had that Mom desire to just go - ya know?

BUT maybe sometimes God does for us what we cannot do for ourselves. . .

I called the jail and she does have visitation privileges but she didn't add my name to the allowed visitors list. . . . .

Nothing like a COLD HARD SLAP of reality to make your remember how much this disease can cut you to the very depth of your soul.

Breathe in, Breathe out. . .

Ok I know she's in a very bad place
I know it's not personal
I know it's not about me
I know it's to keep her away from everyone that represents recovery
I know
I know
I know

But right now, I think I just need to feel the hurt, rejection and pain. . .

Because yes I am I die hard, true blue, recovering, Al-Anoner for LIFE, but right now I'm a Mom who's heart just hurts too. . .

Thanks as always my sweet trusted recovery SR family - for allowing me to post my pain, my joys and my struggles.

I will be just fine - I've made it thru worse ~ just needed a little time & computer space to express my thoughts and shed a few tears . . .

PINK HUGS and prayers again for each & everyone of us as we walk this road,

Rita