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can't take it anymore...

Old 05-26-2011, 12:35 PM
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Exclamation can't take it anymore...

I don't even know where to start...

My husband and I have been together about a year and half. Though we have known each other since high school, we reconnected about a year and a half ago. After we had been dating for a few months, he told me that he smoked crack. I was in shock. I never would have suspected anything because I have never been around/dated an addict before. I told him then that it was either his "dope" or me. He chose me. He was clean for about 9 months and then I noticed some suttle changes in his behavior, but didn't want to make any accusations. Well, in March of this year we got married and had a baby! The night after the baby was born (I was still in the hospital), he disappeared for 4-5 hours, wouldn't answer his phone or text messages and I was worried beyond belief. When he came back, I questioned him. He was very honest and told me he had been using again for the past several months "every once in a while." He promised he would stop. Well, almost three months later and he hasn't even considered stopping. In fact, he "disappears" almost daily now. The bank account is drained. I find myself spending more and more time alone just crying and wondering what I have done to make him go back to using drugs. I have given him the same ultimatum...the "dope" or me...only this time he tells me he chooses me, but keeps using. I don't think he can quit on his own. He actually tells me that he hates what he is doing but he doesn't know how to stop. I want to do what so many of you have had the courage to do...ask him to leave until he is clean. I don't know if this is the right thing to do, but I can't take these nights when he won't answer his phone and I am left alone and lonely and going crazy!!!
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Old 05-26-2011, 12:53 PM
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Thanks for the reply...it wasn't harsh. Might be just the thing I needed...the advice that I already knew, but needed to hear it from someone else!
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Old 05-26-2011, 01:00 PM
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I would also encourage you to find local Alanon or Naranon meetings in your area for face-to-face support. It's a tough go being the only responsible and present parent. Get your hands on a copy of "Codependent No More" by Melody Beattie.

I'm sorry for the circumstances that brought you here, but am glad you found us!
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Old 05-26-2011, 01:08 PM
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I keep asking myself "Is this real?" "Am I really in this situation?" I love this man so much and even though I know what needs to happen, I am struggling with actually doing it. I hope I can find the courage and strength from within to make the right decisions.
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Old 05-26-2011, 01:09 PM
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Oh, I have looked into Alanon and Naranon. The meetings are both over an hour away. Wish I could find one closer.
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Old 05-26-2011, 01:41 PM
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Originally Posted by JRM2011 View Post
Oh, I have looked into Alanon and Naranon. The meetings are both over an hour away. Wish I could find one closer.
Sorry to hear that! My little town has been without Alanon for 20+ years, and just got another Alanon meeting going about 3 months ago, so I know what it's like not to have a meeting available.

Please do continue to come here to SR too. I know it's been a great help to me in my recovery to know that I am not alone, no matter what my struggles are.

How is your little one doing? Gosh I do miss the pitter patter of little feet sometimes. I have twin step-grandsons who will be 3 this September!
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Old 05-26-2011, 01:48 PM
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Please try and think with your head, not your heart. Your one and only priorty is your child. That's it.

A child raised in an addicts home is very toxic. You have to be a responsible parent and provide for this child, this cannot be done if your husband is blowing all the money on drugs. This is a simple mathimatical equasion.

As for what you did to make him use...the answer is nothing...he uses because he is an addict...period.

Do whatever that needs to be done to protect your child. As for hubby, this is his problem to resolve, not yours.
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