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any good outcomes?

Old 05-22-2011, 11:10 PM
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any good outcomes?

Ok so I'm wondering if anyone stuck with there significant other through addiction that actually had a good outcome ? So here's my storyin case you dnt know me ! My abf started smoking crack occasionally a year ago but it started getting bad you know the stealing our bill money and here the past two months the pawn shop started any way he was going through an outpatient after I kicked him out in march . He went on a binge like three weeks ago and went to detox two nights after he. got out I caught him smoking or the evidence anyway broke up with him and his parents basically hqve on lock (for now) we went on a date Friday and i ended up letting him spend the weekend w us he has been clean a little over a week bit then agian he has not had the chance not reqlly . I love him but I know better than tohold my breath hoping he gets better and doesn't do it again so my question is has anyone been through this and actually had a good outcome ?
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Old 05-23-2011, 07:43 AM
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not me personally BUT in my home group YES...

once they realized that there is a problem they dicided to change their own ATTITUDE..and once that happened things started to change...i hear it time and time again....

you know...AA and AL ANON do work together in a family....(just saying)
but...if you are really sick'n tired..its your dicision and no one elses
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Old 05-23-2011, 08:39 AM
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I woke up this morning asking this exact question... crazy how many people are going through this.
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Old 05-23-2011, 09:49 AM
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Yes, a couple we know where the husband is in AH's home group. THeir success is probably b/c he is a veteran of NA, and she is a veteran of Naranon. They've been together for many many years, have 5 children, and still attend meetings several times a week. They drive together, and the NA mtgs. are right next door to the naranon mtgs.
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Old 05-23-2011, 01:55 PM
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Ty I keep hearing about how good the naranon meetings are and i wannw go so bad but the closest one is about 1.5 hours away and on my work nights and i just cant drive two hours to go to one
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Old 05-23-2011, 02:58 PM
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Yes there are good outcomes. I know a couple who is doing great but he really works hard on his sobriety and she understands his need to do so. The trick I think, is to have your own life. That is healthy in any relationship, esp with an addict/alcoholic.

Your boyfriend seems to still have to really embrace recovery and do things on his own. That takes time. A long time.
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Old 05-24-2011, 10:59 AM
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I used to ask the same question. I used to think that there has to be people who stay in the relationship & the addict recovers. I would ask for advice hoping to hear just one person tell me "yes" and then I would be able to use that as my justification to stay. Just the same as in any situation, there are good outcomes and bad outcomes. I will say this though, my outcome was good, good because I got myself out of the relationship 5 years ago and work my program. Please take care of yourself and do what is best for you...you make your own ending.
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Old 05-25-2011, 05:20 PM
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wow....you remind me of me back in 2005 when I joined this forum. I was desperate to hear stories/get the facts/see what was what.

My ABF (then) finally got sober in July 2005. He had been using crack/cocaine for 20+ years. He moved in with me and my sons (great decision on my part - that's when I got my nomination for mother of the year - ha). One and 1/2 year into his sobriety we married. He had been going to NA and I was going to Naranon. Things were pretty good. I had a lot of fear/concerns but we perserved. One month after we married he stopped going to NA. He tried AA for a year but ultimately it wasn't his gig. I have been living with a dry drunk/addict now for over 4 years and it has been horrible. I've tried everything that I could think of....things never changed. Today, I moved out of our beautiful home. I have cried almost non-stop for 24 hours now. My sons are with there dad and I'm hoping that they will eventually want to go back and live with me. Unfortunately, I exposed them to the chaos and drama of living with my husband and I am now paying the price.

Anyway....I briefly became my husband's "higher power" early on....and that just doesn't work. You have to do recovery from the inside out and not the other way around. We limped through the last few years....lots of his irritability/discontent/self-centeredness (i.e. non recovery of an addict). I moved out today. Lots of struggle/angst but I just couldn't handle it anymore.

He was a different man when he was working a progam. I am convinced that if he had been able to find a way to stick with it that we would still be living together today. So....can it work and are there success stories? Yes....I think so. But only if BOTH people work a strong recovery. The other responses speak of this. Living with a sober addict not in recovery is HELL. I don't recommend that to anyone.

The best thing that I did when I was in your shoes was to work my own recovery (even though my husband did not). Doing that is what allowed me to grow, begin to love and honor myself, and set/keep appropriate boundaries.

I took a chance. I figured that the only way that I had a win/win proposition was to work my own deal. Even if we didn't work out then I still would be a stronger and healthier woman.

I will tell you one thing - my own work was what allowed me to get to the point where I really have not worried about whether my husband was going to stay sober or not. Today was the first time that I have been concerned in the last 4 years - he sounded so down and lost after my movers and I had left. Who knows what he will chose to do now - but at least I do not have a ring side seat.
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Old 05-26-2011, 02:15 PM
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Caught him in a lie tday give him a drug teet and of course he failed it so I'm done my kids deserve better thwn that so I would rather throw away 6 years to protect my babies instead of putting them through hell and wastinhg more time I'm only 22 I'm gonna live for us instead of him for change let him tell his lies to someone else sry j venting
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