Seriously? Really? Wow!
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Join Date: May 2008
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Seriously? Really? Wow!
XFIL just called and apparantly XAH has been kicked out of ANOTHER rehab for non participation (his EIGHTH). He's got this holier than thou attitude and apparantly knows waaay more than the rehab and counselors. I don't doubt that. I know he's hard core. Wow - unbelievable. XFIL said he's done. I've long ago said I'm done.
XMIL calls boo hooing and says if XFIL won't take him will you? Seriously? Absolutely not. She then says will you pick him up @ airport/bus stop (whichever he chooses). I said absolutely not, but I'll make sure has a ride. She says ok, who? I said if he steps foot in this state again authorities will be notified and waiting. Part of his OMVI's was that he complete a rehab. He's not done any of that. Straight to jail for him I guess. Nice. Just when I thought we had some peace.
Now I'm left wondering what in the he(( to tell the kids or my family. He seemed to be doing so much better. He's not using, they've tested him, but his attitude is pure $hit. FWIW, I have been in semi contact with him. He calls the kids etc. I'd made it clear though that if he doesn't do what he is supposed to do (rehabs, has/had a job lined up working 4 states away) that I will go full NC. Kids, NOR I will have NC with him OR his mom.
Wow. When XFIL called and said hey Callie do you have a few minutes. I knew. This couldn't have come @ a busier time workwise, with coaching soccer, with kids being busy. BTDT, know the drill. I'll get through it. Thanks for listening SR.
XMIL calls boo hooing and says if XFIL won't take him will you? Seriously? Absolutely not. She then says will you pick him up @ airport/bus stop (whichever he chooses). I said absolutely not, but I'll make sure has a ride. She says ok, who? I said if he steps foot in this state again authorities will be notified and waiting. Part of his OMVI's was that he complete a rehab. He's not done any of that. Straight to jail for him I guess. Nice. Just when I thought we had some peace.
Now I'm left wondering what in the he(( to tell the kids or my family. He seemed to be doing so much better. He's not using, they've tested him, but his attitude is pure $hit. FWIW, I have been in semi contact with him. He calls the kids etc. I'd made it clear though that if he doesn't do what he is supposed to do (rehabs, has/had a job lined up working 4 states away) that I will go full NC. Kids, NOR I will have NC with him OR his mom.
Wow. When XFIL called and said hey Callie do you have a few minutes. I knew. This couldn't have come @ a busier time workwise, with coaching soccer, with kids being busy. BTDT, know the drill. I'll get through it. Thanks for listening SR.
ThatLittleGirl
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Texas
Posts: 273
:ghug3 <<Hugs Callie>>
I'm sorry you're having to go through this... It seems like there's no end to the saga sometimes...and I feel your pain. But you're doing the right thing... Keep focusing on your kids and yourself... Don't let his choices change the progress you've made in your life!!!! I love that you're holding him accountable and not allowing him an "out" so-to-speak... Way to keep your boundaries!!!
And I love what coffee said...it's so true...every time our addicts behave in these self-centered, irrational ways we're surprised (again)...but not really...!!!
I'll be praying for you...
I'm sorry you're having to go through this... It seems like there's no end to the saga sometimes...and I feel your pain. But you're doing the right thing... Keep focusing on your kids and yourself... Don't let his choices change the progress you've made in your life!!!! I love that you're holding him accountable and not allowing him an "out" so-to-speak... Way to keep your boundaries!!!
And I love what coffee said...it's so true...every time our addicts behave in these self-centered, irrational ways we're surprised (again)...but not really...!!!
I'll be praying for you...
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Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Idaho
Posts: 12
Callie, MIL is not a dumb***, she's just a mom who loves and is worried about her child - this coming from me, a mom who loves and is worried about her AD and completely understand how desperate we become at times.
I don't believe I would have done what she did by trying to involve you but please don't judge her, we all make mistakes, especially where the well being of our children are concerned - whether they are young kids or adults you never stop being a mom.
I don't believe I would have done what she did by trying to involve you but please don't judge her, we all make mistakes, especially where the well being of our children are concerned - whether they are young kids or adults you never stop being a mom.
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Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Idaho
Posts: 12
Callie trust me, I am not judging you hon. I can certainly understand your frustrations with this woman. Maybe instead of getting frustrated with her you can pray that she gets help instead with letting go. We can all use a little or a lot of help with letting go! lol
Keep being strong!
Keep being strong!
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Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: The Jungle
Posts: 5,435
Callie
Wow....I'm so sorry that the drama keeps landing on your doorstep. Addiction......it's the gift that just seems to keep on giving. Hang in there....you're doing great. I understand xMIL's anxiety about her son and hopefully some day she will begin her own recovery from this insanity.
gentle hugs
Wow....I'm so sorry that the drama keeps landing on your doorstep. Addiction......it's the gift that just seems to keep on giving. Hang in there....you're doing great. I understand xMIL's anxiety about her son and hopefully some day she will begin her own recovery from this insanity.
gentle hugs
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Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 1,906
she's just a mom who loves and is worried about her child She only cares that her XAS is on someone else's doorstep other than hers. That was her biggest complaint today was that she lost her sleep. Seriously? She loves herself first and foremost.
Just not sure what to tell the kids or my family. Everybody already hates him for his actions. What the heck do I tell the kids? He was suppose to complete rehab, take a jaunt up here with his dad for a few during Christmas and then go to work for his cousin. That's all shot to he)) so now what do I say? My parents are sick with worry about me doing this solo. I hate to burden them with more that he's done. And of course he's not returning calls with what his next move is. My next move is NC, but is he thinking of running, committing suicide, turning himself in?? These are all thoughts running through my head, when they shouldn't be.
Just not sure what to tell the kids or my family. Everybody already hates him for his actions. What the heck do I tell the kids? He was suppose to complete rehab, take a jaunt up here with his dad for a few during Christmas and then go to work for his cousin. That's all shot to he)) so now what do I say? My parents are sick with worry about me doing this solo. I hate to burden them with more that he's done. And of course he's not returning calls with what his next move is. My next move is NC, but is he thinking of running, committing suicide, turning himself in?? These are all thoughts running through my head, when they shouldn't be.
AAudrey
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Stamford, CT
Posts: 209
Originally Posted by Callie 
I'd made it clear though that if he doesn't do what he is supposed to do (rehabs, has/had a job lined up working 4 states away) that I will go full NC. Kids, NOR I will have NC with him OR his mom.
NC ... For me, this was an easy one.
AAudrey
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Stamford, CT
Posts: 209
Originally Posted by Callie
[COLOR="DarkRed"]What the heck do I tell the kids?
Good luck. xo
AAudrey
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Stamford, CT
Posts: 209
Callie, lastly, based on my experience, you run the risk of the state taking your kids away. DCF gets involved. Be very careful here. It's not a good idea to let this person around your children, even if they're his too. Not when he's active. He needs time. A lot of time. Give time time hun.
Prayers to you.
Prayers to you.
AAudrey
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Stamford, CT
Posts: 209
Originally Posted by Callie
she's just a mom who loves and is worried about her child Her biggest complaint today was that she needed sleep, so she could go to work and did I or XFIL have under control.
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 3,335
I said absolutely not, but I'll make sure has a ride. She says ok, who? I said if he steps foot in this state again authorities will be notified and waiting.
That's awesome Callie. As far as what to tell the kids or your family - I suggest just keeping a lid on everything. No need to even tell them exMIL even called. Let go and let God handle EVERYTHING. Keep on doing what your doing and stay detached. Go on with life.
The thing about the addiction roller coaster is that if you don't jump on, it just passes you by. All you feel is a little rush of air as it disappears into the distance. I find that there is no need to get caught up in the drama or involve kids or family in any of the chaos caused by my ex's addiction. I just keep my mouth shut because when it comes to addicts, the situation with addicts is unstable and constantly changing. Just like the weather is Seattle... wait 5 minutes.
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He's an Ex Callie, and there is a reason for that. You no longer need feel responsible in any way to him or his family. Nor do you owe your own family and friends an update on his progress.
If they do ask, just tell them that he's an adult and you've stopped keeping track. About the only thing he deserves is the right to fix things (or not) his way, without word being passed around town on his every move.
Hopefully, he'll make things right in the future. If not, them its no longer your problem.
(((Hugs)))
If they do ask, just tell them that he's an adult and you've stopped keeping track. About the only thing he deserves is the right to fix things (or not) his way, without word being passed around town on his every move.
Hopefully, he'll make things right in the future. If not, them its no longer your problem.
(((Hugs)))
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Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Kansas
Posts: 10,182
Originally Posted by Callie
So tired of it - She is a sick, sick, sick person. Look back on my posts ~ You are right, we ALL make mistakes, but she's done so time and time again. Her own son will verify that.
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Thanks guys. Talked me down again. I appreciate it. Today is much better. XAH did call today, I'm not sure where or what he's going to do. I will alert the authorities if he steps back in the state. He actually asked me to find him ANOTHER rehab in SC. (He has to complete one for the courts). I told him I am no longer involved in this picture. He needs to figure out his next step on his own.
Thank you for the advice on what to tell family and friends. Yes, if I own that guilt and shame I do worry about what to tell them. I'm no longer going to own it. I'm placing it solely in his lap.
To you mom's out there, I hope I didn't offend anyone. I guess for some newer people, you may not realize just HOW MUCH this woman has done. I didn't mean to come across as so crass. This woman provided 150 darvocet with refills for her 17 year old sons migraines. They were her rx. She knowingly gave him $ to buy drugs because she didn't want to see him sick. etc. I could go on, but won't. Anyway ~ I didn't mean to offend if I did.
Yesterday was a great reminder of WHY he is my ex. I did a waaay better job of stepping out than I have in the past. But I will admit that I did make and receive a few power calls. Which disrupted my planned day. I am thankful to NOT have to deal with that anymore. I didn't have to deal with it yesterday, I guess. I like xfil. He's done or very close to done with xah.
Cynical, you are right. He is clean, but it's because he's been HEAVILY monitored. Although I do like the clean version better than the dirty version. Neither is what I want in my life. I'll look up that list of meetings again......I had them saved, thought I was doing much better until yesterday and BAM instant replay of the trauma he can invoke.
Thank you SR. I appreciate your responses. I was thinking back to last year during this time. Xah was starting to get really bad. I thought he was abusing methadone, little did I know he was abusing a heck of alot more than that. It was also the beginning of all of the wrecked cars etc. I am doing MUCH better this year. MUCH.
Thank you for the advice on what to tell family and friends. Yes, if I own that guilt and shame I do worry about what to tell them. I'm no longer going to own it. I'm placing it solely in his lap.
To you mom's out there, I hope I didn't offend anyone. I guess for some newer people, you may not realize just HOW MUCH this woman has done. I didn't mean to come across as so crass. This woman provided 150 darvocet with refills for her 17 year old sons migraines. They were her rx. She knowingly gave him $ to buy drugs because she didn't want to see him sick. etc. I could go on, but won't. Anyway ~ I didn't mean to offend if I did.
Yesterday was a great reminder of WHY he is my ex. I did a waaay better job of stepping out than I have in the past. But I will admit that I did make and receive a few power calls. Which disrupted my planned day. I am thankful to NOT have to deal with that anymore. I didn't have to deal with it yesterday, I guess. I like xfil. He's done or very close to done with xah.
Cynical, you are right. He is clean, but it's because he's been HEAVILY monitored. Although I do like the clean version better than the dirty version. Neither is what I want in my life. I'll look up that list of meetings again......I had them saved, thought I was doing much better until yesterday and BAM instant replay of the trauma he can invoke.
Thank you SR. I appreciate your responses. I was thinking back to last year during this time. Xah was starting to get really bad. I thought he was abusing methadone, little did I know he was abusing a heck of alot more than that. It was also the beginning of all of the wrecked cars etc. I am doing MUCH better this year. MUCH.
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