Heartache and Uncertainty

Old 09-21-2010, 08:04 AM
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Heartache and Uncertainty


My son was a heroin and meth addict for 15 years. He started using drugs when he was 15. It started with weed and just continued to heavier drugs. Three years ago he asked for help and after many sleepless nights and stressful days he was taken from the emergency room to a Detox center. On his second to last day there he got kicked out. He disappeared and ended up living with a girl addicted to perscription drugs. After several months he came to live with me, went back to school and was doing great (we thought). When he broke my rules I kicked him out and he found a room to rent and one night the police arrived and he and two other roomies were arrested. My son was charged with possession of drug paraphanelia. On his court date he was given a lesser charge, 4 years probation, community service, and a fine.

He eventually got kicked out of school for failing a drug test. Then things just went sour. He hooked up with the wrong people and was once again arrested for probation violation and went to jail for 30 days. He has been clean since his release but because of some low life girlfriend he lost the job he had, was kicked out of where they were living and ended up in a homeless shelter.

Once again he turned to his family for help, and once again we were there for him. He has two bad heart valves due to his past drug use. He has been living with me for the past month and last week he went into a very strict 28 day, 12 step, in-house, rehab center.

After 24 years of marriage his dad and I divorced. We have two other children all grown. My son's drug use affected our entire family unit. I was a stay at home Mom and our children had a wonderful life (so I thought). Now it seems all they remember is their brother's drug use and the hell he put us through. It breaks my heart that my other two children only have bad memories of growing up.

I am hopeful about the rehab program my son is in but I am also scared. I don't know what I should do when he is released and how much of an enabler I should be. My son has lost everything.....he has no job, no car, no place to live, and no future.

Thanks to all who read this and thanks for listening to my story of heartache and uncertainty.

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Old 09-21-2010, 09:05 PM
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Hey Kbebe, My brother sounds like your son. I wish I could help more but there is a thread that deals with this exact thing on Sober Recovery.

Scroll Down to SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information > New to Addiction and Recovery?
Newcomer's Daily Support Threads. Friends and Family of Substance Abusers.

There will be lots of people who can give you support and advise. Hope it helps.

Good Luck and my heart goes out to you.
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Old 09-22-2010, 12:14 AM
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Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
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Good morning.....Welcome to our recovery community.....

I noticed your post and moved it here to the correct Forum.
I too am a Mom...2 of my now adult children have been
dealing with various addictions since they were teens.

I'm sorry to know of this situation.....
I will pray this will be the turning point for your son.

And it really can daughter is now very active in
NA ...seemingly straight and contented.
She started her recovery in prison.
She lives in Mo.

My son...after being missing for 14 years...
.now lives in a Salvation Army faciltiy in Tulsa.
He is receiving free job training.

I pray for them daily....then step away and
let go of the results...
I have no plans to do more.

I finally had to detach.....the drama was too difficult
and after 10 years.....nothing solid had improved.
I attended Al anon and suggest you check that out.

Others will be along to offer their experience.....sadly....many
of us have been where you are. You are not alone.
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Old 09-22-2010, 12:22 AM
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it is what it is
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kbebe - i am so sorry you are having to deal with this - there are many here who are very wise and compassionate - i hope you can find some peace about what you need to do for your son - my prayers are with you, your son, and the rest of your family
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Old 09-22-2010, 06:18 AM
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Our stories are very similar.....I understand your anxiety, confusion, anger, frustration, name it.....I've felt it too.

My son (he is 29) is living God knows where and is addicted to meth. He recently began using heroin but I have no idea if that addiction has progressed. He is a lost soul and my heart hurts for him. He is no longer the person I raised....I don't know who he is. But I still love him.

I am working very hard on my own recovery from being codependent. It's often so difficult to recognize the issues with my own behaviors and how they tangle up with his. I can see, however, how the addict's issues can completely overshadow the lives of every member of the family. Our obsession with resolving the addicts problems can destroy marriages and make us, and all of the family, thoroughly miserable.

You've been involved with this for a very long time, you know all of this. And I am so very sorry for all of us who are dealing with the addiction of a loved one.

I sincerely hope that you are doing the things you need to do to take care of yourself and move yourself toward a place of serenity. If not, I hope that you'll stick around and begin to see how important it is for you to concentrate on you.

gentle hugs
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Old 09-23-2010, 07:39 AM
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My daughter is a heroin addict also. Your story is SO familiar. Welcome here, you are in an good place with many who understand.

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Old 09-23-2010, 07:48 AM
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My daughter is a heroin addict..18 and in a sober living right now. The one thing that I have learned is that I am a crappy recovery center and not her best choice for a place to live. I too was a mom who stayed home in the early days and only worked part-time as they got older. I too, thought I was giving them a wonderful life,, maybe I did. Maybe you did. Addiction is a cunning and baffling disease, makes no sense. Alanon does help me alot. When I fall off, I have a place to go back to.
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Old 09-23-2010, 08:26 AM
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Originally Posted by Kbebe View Post
I don't know what I should do when he is released and how much of an enabler I should be.
The advantage of working some kind of recovery program is learning about enabling and how/why we should stop. Enabling is doing for others what they can and should do for themselves and it's poison for an addict.

If his rehab has a family program, please take advantage of it. I did when my daughter went and it made all the difference in my world, and eventually hers, too. We were immersed in the science of addiction for the first two days, then taught how to stop contributing to it for the next three. We were strongly encouraged to follow up with a recovery program like Alanon.

His rehab will work with him on aftercare, such as housing and ongoing treatment.
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