OT: Prayers please
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Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: In a good place
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OT: Prayers please
My sister is overseas and alone; her two sons (16 and 18) are here in the states visiting their dad. Her alcoholic gambling husband very recently left her with a mountain of debt, a home to deal with, and has jeopardized their status as foreign residents. She's unemployed.
In all my years I've only known my sister to hold herself accountable once, face the music to speak. She has a trail of debt here in the USA and now there as well.
My therapist helped me understand and accept that my sister probably has a personality or identity disorder. I'm sure she's had bouts of mental illness along the way, too. In the last two weeks I've suspected she's mentally ill now, and today I got confirmation.
We've only recently begun talking because of legal stuff, after a four year period of no contact. So many thanks to all the recovering addicts in my life, for helping me find detachment with love, accept that I'm powerless over other people.
On the phone last week she said she was fighting putting a gun to her head. I gave her as much encouragement as possible to find solutions and weigh options. It was a good conversation, in that she asked for help and I gave what I was able and should.
Today she sent an email detailing why killing herself is the only option.
She could be serious or it could be more manipulation, since she's been doing that almost her entire life. She's never threatened suicide before, though.
My cousin and I have been comparing notes the last couple of days, and saw the handwriting on the wall. I called my cousin, both of us were crying, and she said call your mom. I'm waiting for the return call right now.
My daughter, bless her heart! She understands all of it and listened to me say the words "I am powerless", when she found me staring off into space, holding my stomach because it was cramping. Her hug was a beautiful gift and exactly what I needed.
I went outside and looked up at the sky, prayed and asked the Creator to provide us all with what we need, that we all do the next right thing. I also asked the Creator to heal my sister.
If you have prayers to spare, we could use them.
In all my years I've only known my sister to hold herself accountable once, face the music to speak. She has a trail of debt here in the USA and now there as well.
My therapist helped me understand and accept that my sister probably has a personality or identity disorder. I'm sure she's had bouts of mental illness along the way, too. In the last two weeks I've suspected she's mentally ill now, and today I got confirmation.
We've only recently begun talking because of legal stuff, after a four year period of no contact. So many thanks to all the recovering addicts in my life, for helping me find detachment with love, accept that I'm powerless over other people.
On the phone last week she said she was fighting putting a gun to her head. I gave her as much encouragement as possible to find solutions and weigh options. It was a good conversation, in that she asked for help and I gave what I was able and should.
Today she sent an email detailing why killing herself is the only option.
She could be serious or it could be more manipulation, since she's been doing that almost her entire life. She's never threatened suicide before, though.
My cousin and I have been comparing notes the last couple of days, and saw the handwriting on the wall. I called my cousin, both of us were crying, and she said call your mom. I'm waiting for the return call right now.
My daughter, bless her heart! She understands all of it and listened to me say the words "I am powerless", when she found me staring off into space, holding my stomach because it was cramping. Her hug was a beautiful gift and exactly what I needed.
I went outside and looked up at the sky, prayed and asked the Creator to provide us all with what we need, that we all do the next right thing. I also asked the Creator to heal my sister.
If you have prayers to spare, we could use them.
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Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Earth
Posts: 1,249
Dear Lord, Please hear my prayer. Please take Chino's sister and comfort her. Show her your love and compassion, and remove any desire for her to hurt herself or her family in any way. Please help her find the help she needs, and then get it. Don't allow anything bad or terrible to happen. If she is mentally ill, or just depressed, heal her. Send her your angels to guard her, and keep her from harms way.
In Jesus's name I pray
Amen
Chino, I will continue to pray for your sister. Alot of people aren't sure how to pray, and all it is is talking to GOD and asking for what it is that you would like to happen.
I sure hope this turns out to be a blessing in disguise.
Sorry, your going through this.
I too have a sister, who I love very deeply.
In Jesus's name I pray
Amen
Chino, I will continue to pray for your sister. Alot of people aren't sure how to pray, and all it is is talking to GOD and asking for what it is that you would like to happen.
I sure hope this turns out to be a blessing in disguise.
Sorry, your going through this.
I too have a sister, who I love very deeply.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: in my own world~
Posts: 1,237
Hi Hon, Its an awful feeling being so far away and not knowing whats going on. My prayers are being sent for your sister and some hugs to you right now. Your daughter sounds like a delightful lady and for that you should be proud. Each and every one of us is being taken care of by our HP so put faith in that and I pray your sister can find some answers to her problems soon. Hugs again, Bonnie
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
My prayers are going out for all of you, Chino.
How very sad to have to go through all this.
At times like this I try to remember that God can do for us what we cannot do for ourselves. It helps.
Hugs
How very sad to have to go through all this.
At times like this I try to remember that God can do for us what we cannot do for ourselves. It helps.
Hugs
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 13,497
Oh Chino,
I have added your needs to my prayers today. I pray that God will help her- we are so in need of his intervention. I know He hears our prayers, and that He cares.
Please know that I am thinking of you, and wishing for relief soon, for your sister and for you and your family.
Big hugs,
chicory
I have added your needs to my prayers today. I pray that God will help her- we are so in need of his intervention. I know He hears our prayers, and that He cares.
Please know that I am thinking of you, and wishing for relief soon, for your sister and for you and your family.
Big hugs,
chicory
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Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: a better place
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Chino, Sending prayers for your sister and for you and your family that you find comfort during this difficult time. I remember when medication made my daughter suicidal and she was halfway across the country. That feeling of powerlessness was tough to say the least, but it helped me trust and believe. Hugs.
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Join Date: Feb 2008
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Thank you all so much. I know it's the prayers that have kept me centered.
I've spent the entire day going over my mental checklist. I'm powerless over other people. I'm not to cause or prevent a crisis. What am I able to do and should? Do I have expectations based on my actions? Am I trying to do anything for others that they can and should for themselves?
I remember one time, telling someone else on this forum they weren't causing a crisis because it already existed. Well, my sister is in crisis and I'm powerless over it and her decisions, but I'm not powerless over mine.
The universe dropped this in my lap alone and I have to live with my response.
I broke it down and figured out who has a right, need to know about her crisis. My mother, because it's her daughter and she's helping take care of the kids with their father. My oldest nephew, because as my adult son reminded me, he's a legal adult now and has a right to choose how he wants to respond. My former BIL, because both his sons, and especially his youngest, are supposed to return overseas in 12 days. BIL has a right to decide if his youngest should return to an environment that is highly unstable.
My next decision is whether to fly back 'home' to tell them, or email. The latter seems so cold to me and the thought of doing this in person isn't causing me too much distress. It's the thought of saying nothing, when I can and should, that causes me great pain.
My sister is probably going to hate me, and possibly my mother, nephews. Her decision to move them overseas spawned a year long custody battle that ended badly. Well, as I read here one time, I love them all enough to let them hate them. My greater fear is hating myself.
I've spent the entire day going over my mental checklist. I'm powerless over other people. I'm not to cause or prevent a crisis. What am I able to do and should? Do I have expectations based on my actions? Am I trying to do anything for others that they can and should for themselves?
I remember one time, telling someone else on this forum they weren't causing a crisis because it already existed. Well, my sister is in crisis and I'm powerless over it and her decisions, but I'm not powerless over mine.
The universe dropped this in my lap alone and I have to live with my response.
I broke it down and figured out who has a right, need to know about her crisis. My mother, because it's her daughter and she's helping take care of the kids with their father. My oldest nephew, because as my adult son reminded me, he's a legal adult now and has a right to choose how he wants to respond. My former BIL, because both his sons, and especially his youngest, are supposed to return overseas in 12 days. BIL has a right to decide if his youngest should return to an environment that is highly unstable.
My next decision is whether to fly back 'home' to tell them, or email. The latter seems so cold to me and the thought of doing this in person isn't causing me too much distress. It's the thought of saying nothing, when I can and should, that causes me great pain.
My sister is probably going to hate me, and possibly my mother, nephews. Her decision to move them overseas spawned a year long custody battle that ended badly. Well, as I read here one time, I love them all enough to let them hate them. My greater fear is hating myself.
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Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Earth
Posts: 1,249
Don't hate yourself Chino, your doing the right thing. If Heaven forbid, your sister did try to commit suicide or GOD FORBID hurt herself and others, you would have wished you had said or done something. Your sister might be upset right now, but she wont hate you. Remember, she is not in her right mind anyway, so if she is angry, she will eventually forgive you when she gets well, and realizes that you had to do this.
So many people here are praying for your sister, and that's the best gift that she can have. Everything is going to be alright. Sorry about all of the stress and worry. Life is so tough sometimes. I have faith that things will get better soon.
So many people here are praying for your sister, and that's the best gift that she can have. Everything is going to be alright. Sorry about all of the stress and worry. Life is so tough sometimes. I have faith that things will get better soon.
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Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
(((Chino))) lots and lots of prayers headed your way. You've got a good head on your shoulders, and some amazing recovery. Do what feels right, for you, and let the others deal with their own feelings. If there is any "hatred", I feel, pretty sure, it's THEIR issues they haven't dealt with, yet..possibly projected on you. I agree...I can deal with someone else hating me more than hating myself.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
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Thread Starter
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My head is spinning, it's amazing how quickly things changed. I've been operating on faith alone, hope in myself to do the next right thing. Freedom, if you're reading this, I really do get it now.
My sister hit rock bottom. We all knew it but she admitted it and reached out for help. She saw a crisis specialist/doctor yesterday and this morning, while I was working my way through my choices, responses. This is the first time in her entire life that she's reached out for help, not a rescue.
My mom called this morning and I had to tell her about the suicide threats. I didn't want to do that on the phone, but that's how it had to be. That's how I found out about the doctor, though my mom freaked out because she was clueless about the threats.
My sister reached out to her in-laws and she now has a place to stay, if/when she needs that. They went no contact with her husband immediately. They're out of the country on vacation but she called them anyway.
Buyers are at her house and she's selling everything that isn't nailed down or essential.
Everything changed for everyone, and that included my decisions. My cousin's head is already spinning more than mine, because she's headed overseas in 3 days, to help my sister pack. She found her passport and it's current, and we're paying for the flight. She'll come back home the day after the boys and my mom arrive.
I thought about making that trip, and it took me all of two seconds to know I'm not the one. I didn't know who was, either, then my cousin found her lost passport. We all know her disposition and personality is so much more appropriate for what is needed
My cousin and I both believe we're doing the right things for the right reasons. We're both operating on blind faith alone, that we're being guided. It is so important that I keep the Creator front and center. This is an awesome feeling. I can't think of another word to describe it.
I've been saying for 20 years or so, that it would take a HUGE miracle for my sister to actually own her life. It's really just now sinking in that I'm witnessing a miracle and all of us are a part of it.
Here's a really quirky thing -- my sister's modem blew up this morning so she doesn't have internet, email or a home phone. She called me from her cell but only has so many minutes. Right away I thought what a gift, if it compels her to continue reaching out and seeking help, using every immediate resource she has. Bad luck or divine intervention?
I could not have worked my way through this without everyone here at SR. That includes the people who are no longer with us. I learn something valuable from every bit of ESH I read, and along with all the thoughts and prayers, it's a big part of why I'm feeling right with the world. I'm exactly where I need to be and it's a beautiful feeling
My sister hit rock bottom. We all knew it but she admitted it and reached out for help. She saw a crisis specialist/doctor yesterday and this morning, while I was working my way through my choices, responses. This is the first time in her entire life that she's reached out for help, not a rescue.
My mom called this morning and I had to tell her about the suicide threats. I didn't want to do that on the phone, but that's how it had to be. That's how I found out about the doctor, though my mom freaked out because she was clueless about the threats.
My sister reached out to her in-laws and she now has a place to stay, if/when she needs that. They went no contact with her husband immediately. They're out of the country on vacation but she called them anyway.
Buyers are at her house and she's selling everything that isn't nailed down or essential.
Everything changed for everyone, and that included my decisions. My cousin's head is already spinning more than mine, because she's headed overseas in 3 days, to help my sister pack. She found her passport and it's current, and we're paying for the flight. She'll come back home the day after the boys and my mom arrive.
I thought about making that trip, and it took me all of two seconds to know I'm not the one. I didn't know who was, either, then my cousin found her lost passport. We all know her disposition and personality is so much more appropriate for what is needed
My cousin and I both believe we're doing the right things for the right reasons. We're both operating on blind faith alone, that we're being guided. It is so important that I keep the Creator front and center. This is an awesome feeling. I can't think of another word to describe it.
I've been saying for 20 years or so, that it would take a HUGE miracle for my sister to actually own her life. It's really just now sinking in that I'm witnessing a miracle and all of us are a part of it.
Here's a really quirky thing -- my sister's modem blew up this morning so she doesn't have internet, email or a home phone. She called me from her cell but only has so many minutes. Right away I thought what a gift, if it compels her to continue reaching out and seeking help, using every immediate resource she has. Bad luck or divine intervention?
I could not have worked my way through this without everyone here at SR. That includes the people who are no longer with us. I learn something valuable from every bit of ESH I read, and along with all the thoughts and prayers, it's a big part of why I'm feeling right with the world. I'm exactly where I need to be and it's a beautiful feeling
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