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Old 08-04-2010, 10:27 PM
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Unreal

Everything just seems unreal to me. In April my spouse of now 9 yrs told me that for the past 5 years he had been popping tramadol and vicodin. I did the whole supportive wife thing and he went to detox at a hospital. But I felt so betrayed, 5 years of lies, 5 years of him secretly moving money, and then other incidents, where you look back and think, was it him or the drugs?
Anyway we separated after his detox but I took him back in 5 weeks. He went to a psychiatrist who put him on suboxone due to post acute withdrawal syndrome. And wellbutrin.

I don't know what's up anymore. He is out of the suboxone so he says and is irritable, unmotivated, and closed emotionally. I don't know if i want to live my life wondering who I married and if he is using. I feel lost and the betrayal is still overwhelming.

He is ok one day and not the next. I feel like his drug problem is my responsibility along with the kids, the house, and the rest of our life.

How does the spouse recover? And what if I really cannot trust him again?
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Old 08-05-2010, 04:14 AM
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Ann
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His drug problem is his to resolve, but sadly it turns into a family disease. You can't help him but you can keep your children safe and decide what you will and what you will not tolerate. You don't have to decide today, maybe make a plan in case things don't work out.

It might be a good idea to protect your valuables and separate your finances from his. You will need that money to support your children and yourself, and sadly, loss of money and valuables is common in situations like yours.

Something that has helped many of us is meetings of Al-anon, Nar-anon or CoDA, three similar fellowships that are about US and that help us regain our balance and learn to live healthy lives again. Maybe check your area and give them a try, you have nothing to lose and everything to gain.

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Old 08-05-2010, 07:10 AM
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((lye))

Welcome to our SR family
hate you have been affected by the disease of addiction - it is painful, heartbreaking and devastating to our lives.

For me ~ I found hope, healing and serenity in attending Al-Anon meetings, posting here on SR, thru my relationship with the God of my understanding and recovery literature.

It hasn't been easy - but it has well been worth the work on ME ~

I realized there was powerless over my loved ones addiction issues but I could restore my life to sanity & serenity.

Hope that you are able to stick around and find out if this is what might help you!
Don't give up before the miracles happen in you - YOU are worth it!

HUGS (hope, unity, gratitude & serenity)
Rita
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Old 08-05-2010, 09:26 AM
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I don't have many words today except to keep coming back, posting and reading. You are not alone, and knowing that helps me more than anything!

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Old 08-05-2010, 01:44 PM
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Originally Posted by Lye5 View Post

Anyway we separated after his detox but I took him back in 5 weeks. He went to a psychiatrist who put him on suboxone due to
I don't know what's up anymore. He is out of the suboxone so he says and is irritable, unmotivated, and closed emotionally.
I have not heard of an MD who prescibes Suboxone to treat PAWS. This does not mean it is not done. Just I have not heard of it.

When getting dosed with Suboxone, the common procedure is to initially present at a Suboxone certified MD's office in a moderate state of withdrawal. Being in a moderate state of withdrawal means one is actively using, which is not the case after detox, unless there has been a relapse.

Being in this state is vital to having Suboxone work as intended. Someone who has detoxed would likely get high off the medication. Suboxone causes dependence and withdrawals, too which is why it is not prescribed to take the edge off of life.

Many people abuse Suboxone and/or sell or trade them for their DOC. This is why they tend to run out of the medication. It is also possible that he tested dirty for drugs which usually causes MDs to stop Suboxone treatment. Or perhaps it's the cost of treatment that contributed to running out.

It is not my intent to cause you more anxiety about a situation you cannot control. Most everyone here eventually realizes that what they think is going on is not the same thing as reality. And it never ends so long as their friend or family member chases the high.

You did not cause this.
You cannot control this.
You cannot cure this.
He owns his own recovery or not.

You can however let go of the outcome that you do not control and decide if you want to live your life this way, or not. Can you accept him as is, where is or not? It's that tween space that is hell.
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Old 08-06-2010, 08:53 AM
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Most everyone here eventually realizes that what they think is going on is not the same thing as reality. And it never ends so long as their friend or family member chases the high.

You did not cause this.
You cannot control this.
You cannot cure this.
He owns his own recovery or not.
I am pretty new to my own recovery, it's only been about a month. My boyfriend went to rehab for painkiller addiction and now he's out. . . it just keeps going. This medication, that medication, suboxone or not suboxone. . . I couldn't keep track of all his medications and drugs and lies and I was losing my mind.

I got myself to Al-Anon. I've been 7 times. I've met a few great people who I can call and talk to. I hear a lot of hope in the meetings from people who have been in situations similar to mine.

I come here to SR and read others stories and post when something is bothering me.

It's not easy, but for the first time in a long time I have HOPE. Hope that my life doesn't have to be this huge disaster/crisis. Hope that I am enough and I can support and love myself back to healthy thinking and healthy action.

It really is a family disease. My mind was so warped when I finally gave in and asked for help. Starting the 12 steps has given me a new perspective and strength.

Keep posting here, you will get a lot of support.
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