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Old 05-11-2010, 06:50 AM
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Today's thought from Hazelden is:

Real friends are those who, when you've made a fool of yourself, don't feel that you've done a permanent job.
--Erwin T. Randall

What kind of friends do we have? Are they people who complain a lot? Are they people who laugh at us or put others down?

The kind of people we want to be will decide what kind of friends we have. If we want to feel sorry for ourselves, we will choose friends who will tell us how rotten their lives are. If we want to think we're better than others, we will hang around people who laugh at others' mistakes.

But if we want to be the best we can be, we will pick friends who see the good in life, people who will encourage us to be ourselves and who will help us try harder at things that are difficult for us.

How can I be a better friend today?

You are reading from the book:

Today's Gift by Anonymous
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Old 05-11-2010, 06:57 AM
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This really got me thinking about how my friendships have changed since I got into recovery. I am not the same person as I was before, and I've come to learn that I don't want the same kind of people in my inner circle as I did before.

During the crazy years, I had some friends who were as addicted to the drama in my life as I was... always eagerly waiting for the next episode of A Day in the Life... many had advice and criticism. There were some pretty dysfunctional friendships. It was hard for me to change how I handled things, to change what I talked about and to whom. It was similar to the angst I felt when I started to detach from my A and his erratic behaviors.

Some of my friends didn't like the change. They didn't understand why I was no longer telling them every juicy detail of our sick life. They didn't like it that I had "new friends" to whom I confided... but I am ever so grateful for the healthier friendships I developed by going to Al Anon.

But if we want to be the best we can be, we will pick friends who see the good in life, people who will encourage us to be ourselves and who will help us try harder at things that are difficult for us.
This is just so true. I have made some life long friends in recovery, and those are the people I want by my side during the good times and especially during the hard times: the friends who will hold my hand while at the same time holding me accountable.

Have your friendships changed since you started a life of recovery?
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Old 05-11-2010, 07:00 AM
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But if we want to be the best we can be, we will pick friends who see the good in life, people who will encourage us to be ourselves and who will help us try harder at things that are difficult for us.
Amen, sister (and dear friend, Cats).

Negative people, toxic people, and those who are only friends when THEY need something, are no longer on my friend list.

People who love life and live life on life's terms and who have learned to laugh at themselves instead of others, are friends I treasure.

Great reading, Cats, and a nice read to begin my day.

Hugs
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Old 05-11-2010, 07:02 AM
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Godincidence, Cats, that we both chose the same phrase and posted at the same time. Friends do that ya know?
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Old 05-11-2010, 10:32 AM
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I also have changed some friends throughout my recovery. When I let go of the drama and didn't share it all anymore I had one friend who went to where it was...other people. Funny how I saw a change in a friend that I had had for Years. And, what about people that blame their existance and the choices they make on others when their choices don't work out. I really look for that now. I'm in a much happier place mentally but still have that edge a bit about how life will evolve here. Guess when you've been in a scarry place for so long it takes time to enjoy the present. I'm sure there will always be drama around so its up to us to sweep it away and learn how to shut that door. Love you guys~~great Post CP"s.....smiles
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Old 05-11-2010, 10:58 AM
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Love this thread, Cats...thank you.

I'm going thru a big transition in my life right now. A big transition in the way I look at things, feel about things, deal with things going on in my life. I think the transition is positive. I think I'm going thru some major growing pains in my recovery.

And I've noticed that I'm isolating myself from my usual friends and support system. I don't think its good, bad or indifferent...it just is for right now. I feel like I'm trying to get my feet back underneath me and I need to do alot of internal work...alot of re-programming. And reaching out to friends (new or old) just isn't what I want to do right now. I need to find my bearings.

I have a feeling, however, that I'm going to come out on the other side as a changed person and I think my choice in friends and my typical support systems are going to change too.

I don't see this as a negative. I don't view it with fear or apprehension. It is what it is.

Right now, I'm relying on my HP and my inner compass for direction. (And, of course, my dear cyberspace recovery friends here at SR)...
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Old 05-11-2010, 11:33 AM
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I had both - the complainers and those who laughed at others. Sometimes they did both and I was one of them, too. I'm no longer friends with them. They are toxic and, you know, that means I was too!

It's really ironic that I've become close friends with some of the people I used to snicker at once in a while. Turns out they had what I wanted! Boundaries, honesty and acceptance of themselves, which lead to them having acceptance of others and compassion for their struggles.

I went through a period of isolation too, right about the time I realized I was powerless over others. It was a time of transition for me, when the same old same old was no longer working for me. My old friends didn't let go of me, I let go of them because my needs had changed and were no longer being met.

I cherish even more the ones who survived the transition. Funny how they were never toxic to me and I never went to them to whine or express contempt. I knew they wouldn't allow that.
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Old 05-11-2010, 03:54 PM
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DRAMA - all capitals, and then some!!!! Now, I see a hint and I run, run as fast as I can the other way! What a change - not getting in the middle to fix and make OK (like I was all that good at it in the first place LOL )

My lifelong friendships with those that are truly life-long have gotten stronger, changed and morphed into something so much more healthy. The friends that want that drama (and I know exactly what you mean) - they are more acquaintances at this point, which is just fine by me - if not by them.

I LOVE my new tools I know I did the work, but I did it with the ES&H of all of you and I thank you!

Many hugs to all of you - my teachers!!!!!
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