kj3880

I am not in the least disappointed in you Cessy. Honestly, you are grieving, and that is to be expected. Sadness is one of the stages of grief. The only way to get through it is to go through it, truly. I know it feels awful at times. I know you can live through it. One day at a time. Time is the great healer, and we'll all be here with you.

Love,
KJ

winnie12

Darling its not that you're "ALL" wasnt good enough its that his "MINIMUM" is not good enough. you've been at this point before and when it hurts too much you give in to him. if you go through the pain you'll come out okay but if you give in you'll just be right back here again and again. try to be strong.

liesagain

cessy, If love were enough.........NONE of us would be here. You didnt not love him..............he doesnt love himself

why does it hurt? because you do love him, why does it hurt more because hes not calling? Because the Not calling triggers your negative feels about YOU, but he more than likely knows that........and figures if he makes you hurt alittle you'll be oh so happy when he does call you'll take him back

its a cycle, and the key to ending the cycle is finally coming to the place where YOU KNOW you deserve more, and you know that its NOT ABOUT you.......how much you loved him or how much he loved you............this is about him and his addiction.........and about you doing what you need to do for you.

it hurts...........but as they say in the meetings........play the tape all the way through
dont remember the good times only play it all the way..........look at the disease and what it has brought to your life.............and remember you deserve more

coffeedrinker

How you doing Cessy?

I was right where you are three short months ago. When he was deep in it, and I was being lied to and called names, I save those ugly text messages. When I would sometimes read through the saved messages, I read "good night babe", "miss you" and I gave in to the feelings of grief and loss. Then I kept scrolling and read the horrible ones. Not to beat myself up, but to remember. Remember the awful-ness of this addiction stuff and what it does to people - him and me.

I was also almost unable to function for time periods. I neglected ALL of my relationships, cried a lot, and started chain-smoking. I told myself that grief is a process and was just immersed in it for a time.

Now, I'm not advocating that for anyone, or even myself should that time ever come again. But, I'm saying that I can relate to you and I want you to LET YOURSELF OFF THE HOOK. The take up a hobby, keep busy, reach out to friends is great advice, but you might just not be able to do that. In my darkest days I remember wishing I had someone to talk to about it, but everyone in my life was in the dark about his addiction. Thank goodness for this site (I hadn't found it yet).

Sad you're not hearing from him? Yep, I get that too. Maybe he heard something in your words or actions that told him you drew a line and you mean it. Maybe he sees a closed door and understands that it's really closed. Maybe he is just completely messed up and out of touch with time and with reality. Try taking it as a good sign.

One step in front of the other girl. One thing I told myself was that this will pass. I knew it would, but it was just a living hell.

Peace

Callie

Cess,

His not calling is just 'upping the ante' Do you see that? I've been down that road a million times. He KNOWS what buttons to push and he's pushin' them girl. (he doesn't call, you freak out etc. etc. etc) Time for you to take the reigns on thisn one because until now he's held them.

Callie

if you go through the pain you'll come out okay but if you give in you'll just be right back here again and again. try to be strong.


So true winnie!