justtired

I don't want to go home. Abf was totally irrational and overly emotional this morning and I know it's because he's running low on meds. He's been really moody on occasion since starting the methadone and it's kind of scary. This morning he said he "did a lot of thinking last night". When I say "oh yeah" he says "I don't want to bother you" (in a sad pitiful voice). Of course I needed to get ready for work, and I knew why he was acting strangely, so I didn't want to give in to his manipulative unspoken request (that I sit and talk about what he's thought about and why he's upset). He'll do this on occasion at the worst times. Instead of thinking about whatever it is he's thinking about and then talking to me at an appropriate time, he'll say things trying to lure me into conversation when he knows it's not a good time for it. Anyway, he actually started crying this morning. My choices are to either give in and play the game and "feel bad" for him, or be indifferent as I truly feel. On the one hand, if I play the game, it's easier for me because I avoid conflict for the moment. If I act indifferent as I truly feel, then I come across as a uncaring person and I'm then the bad guy. It's not that I don't care about his feelings. If these were not withdrawal induced irrational emotions, I would act completely differently. I then got a call from his bro telling me that abf fired his assistant and that he was done with the business. Lovely. So now he's acting like an idiot and will still expect me to feel bad for him. I know it's my choice to still be in this stupid relationship. I just haven't gotten the courage to go yet, but I will. But for today, I do need to go home and I will need to deal with him. Does anyone have any suggestions on how to handle this kind of emotional irrational behavior? This morning he was all sobby and told me he loved me etc. But who knows, by tonight he might be angry and crabby.

justtired

Nothin' huh? Well, guess I'll go home and see what my night looks like!

hello-kitty

I'd forget about his emotionally irrational behavior and focus on my own. That is something I can change. I can work on my fear. I can work on my denial. I can work on my relunctance to confront situations that make me unhappy.

He is just doing what addicts do and he'll do it as long as you are there to listen - and then after you are gone too. You have nothing to do with it.

What is your plan to make your personal situation better?

NeedingHelp7

A very wise woman spoke in a meeting the other day, and she spoke these words...
"The best way to win the game is not to play." .............

Short and simple.

justtired

Well, I've been planning to move out for a while. We own rental properties and were supposed to close on one that I am hoping to move into. However, things keep getting pushed back on it and in the mean-time I'm trying to stay strong and trying to force myself to move forward. He is soooo good at manipulating me. Geez, he still has a way of making me believe that nothing is going on. I had another conversation with him last night and he tells me all the ways he can "prove" he's not doing anything. He even swore on his father's grave which still I find to be crazy and it does make me wonder if he's being honest. What if I'm wrong??? There are so many reasons that I believe he is an addict, but he has a "reason" for all of them. An explanation of some sort, and he's the type that could definitely sell ice to Eskimos. And I start getting sucked back in. It takes all the power I have to remind myself that there are reason I know I'm right, but I still waiver. And then when things happen that stop my plans to get out from moving forward, then I question if there is a reason for that.

Apparently all of yesterday morning was because he had a run in with his doc who told him that he won't prescribe him additional narcotics anymore and if he gets them elsewhere, he will drop him. He feels he broke his trust by other things he said to him. Apparently he knew this for two days and didn't say anything. Then that morning he felt the need to talk to me about it at 6am when I needed to get ready for work.

Anyway, it doesn't really matter if he is an addict or not. My life has been so upside-down for so long. I'm not happy. Doesn't really matter if it's because of substance abuse or not. I see the manipulation in him now way more than I could before and I don't like distrusting someone. I was someone who is genuine and I've found that he's not. It took me a while, but he is definitely a charmer and ALWAYS gets what he wants. I'm just glad I figured this out now. Now I just need to make myself some plans and stick to them. Nothing at all seems "right" so I guess I just have to pick something and go with it.

Hope you all have a good day!

cessy68

Aw, Jt, I swear sometimes we are living with the same dang man. I think have writting almost that same paragraph here on SR, or have at least expressed those feelings to my friends etc.

It isn't easy, or pretty. It is such a tangled web, that when you exit, you forget these very words.

Keep the faith......... that's what I'm turning to these days. Just praying and asking for stregth to do whats right for ME.

Love,
Cess

LeeRoy

Regardless of the addiction outcome... if he is manipulative and you are not wanting to go home to him then this is not the relationship for you. Coming home should be a relief from the stresses of the day. Good luck to you!

newnormal4me

The fact that his dr is questioning his use would suggest he believes he is at the least abusing them. If he is not an addict today - and still choosing to use these meds - he'll be one in time. Sounds like your life is crazy enough and the pain of living on a rollercoaster with someone is not fun, you need to help yourself. Hugs...I know what you are going through. It took me a few years to admit that my AH is an addict.

teke

someone told me once to stop second guessing myself. go with your gut feelings, and if his actions prove you wrong, you can change your mind. active addiction is progressive so in time, you'll know for sure the answers to your questions.

for me, it was crazy making trying to figure out if my ah was ever being truthful about anything. most addicts, i think are master manipulators, it seems to go with the territory, its what addicts do. if he's cranky and is not an addict, try adding addiction and think about how much longer you plan on waiting.

keeping you and yours in my prayers.

coffeedrinker

It struck me that he was afraid when he approached you. He may have been angry (at the doc), but perhaps he knows your response to angry, compared with your response to afraid. I'm sure it's very frightening to face the prospect of being cut off the drug you have come to know and love.

If he is still in a kind of mood where he wants to communicate, can you have a calm sit-down with him, tell him how you've been feeling, and that you need some space? Does he already know you're moving on? Can you say what you need in the relationship (treatment perhaps?). Have you drawn a line in the sand?

Hoping you're doing ok...

justtired

Hi all - Yea, still doing "okay". I think that the biggest thing is trusting myself. I've made a list of all the things that undeniably prove to me that he is an addict and I keep reading through it. When he argues one thing at a time, it seems believable, but when I look at the whole picture, not so much.

We actually talked the other night and I told him what I think (things I haven't told him before). Apparently he just thought I thought he was an "addict". Now he thinks i think he's a "junkie". I don't believe there's a difference... it's just a progression of the disease. So now every time he does anything I get, "I am sweating and no, it's not because I'm going through withdrawal", and "the pills I'm taking are not "those" pills, just so you know", and I love the sarcasm like "I was going to come in to bed last night, but I snorted some pills at 10:00 and then passed out. BLAH BLAH BLAH

I'm also trying to keep in mind that he knows he has a problem with alcohol. He actually quit drinking because of it (because he didn't want to lose me). So if you know you have a problem with one mind-altering drug, why would you think you wouldn't with another? His dad and brother are both addicts too. Plus, there was a time-period of about 6 months where he was totally out of control with the meds, which he now tries to cover as being "psuedo addictionm"

I don't know. i guess i know, i just need to remind myself that I know sometimes...