outtolunch

I was speaking in generic terms ,so I look over your initial post and this is what I found:

You need a handyman to help around the house. He is capable of filling that role. And then the crazy making starts all over.

I suspect there are plenty of people who could do what needs doing in the house, for a reasonable fee, who will not bring chaos through the front door, with them.

Learn2Live

Thanks Lunch! And you are so right because the electrician came yesterday and fixed most of the electrical problems! It is such a relief. I am fortunate to have found a few kind and honest contractors who understand and help me get around my cognitive issues. I have a very difficult time understanding what the problems are in the house, and how they should best be handled. Then, when there are too many choices, I can't decide, then I procrastinate, then I push it aside and forget about it. After a couple weeks the same thing pops back up and stresses me out.

(I am the SAME way about pretty much any personal choice, including when I'm at the store trying to choose which toilet paper to buy! LOL! I am always so parayzed by fear of making a "mistake.")

Usually, "my addict" would actually come and take care of those things without me even asking so it saved me so much time, energy and frustration. But I am now finding more people who are just as kind and caring in the ways my A&AXBF was for me.

outtolunch

My daughter is the same way. It's a cognitive thing. Choosing TP is overwhelming, for fear of a mistake.

This led her to a learned helpessness , sometimes pushed to an extreme, like asking people to tie her shoes....stuff is is quite capable of doing herself.

Occasionally, she has had no other choice but to pull the trigger and figure it out and learn that, having no TP is far worse than the wrong TP. Know what I mean?

Learn2Live

Hey Lunch,

I KNOW! CAUSE WHAT IF YOU CHOOSE THE WRONG TOILET PAPER!!!??? It's not like you can return it! hahahahahaha

Seriously, though, I have A.D.D. but I didn't get diagnosed till about age 39. It helps so much to finally know why life has been so difficult all this time and nobody else seemed to have the same kind of problems. Now I know why I always felt different than others, why others seemed to have it all figured out, and why I thought other people knew something I didn't. Knowing I have A.D.D. and learning what that means has given me the opportunity to do things in different ways so that my life is easier to manage.

I understand about learned helplessness. I used to be that way and I think it has a lot to do with why I was always one relationship after another. Also why I always had older friends, never friends my age because they were not good helpers or patient with me or as understanding. When I entered Recovery at age 27, I learned about my feelings of helplessness, which got me on the road toward taking steps to not be so helpless. Just knowing is half the battle! It is SUCH A RELIEF!

Yes, but can you imagine a 39 year old woman, walking into WalMart, and walking back and forth and up and down the toilet paper aisle; then standing in front of the toilet paper staring at the package and the price sticker, then going back and forth again and staring at the other package, FOR THIRTY MINUTES!?!?!?! And then, knowing damn well there is NO TOILET PAPER in the house, leaving the WalMart empty-handed? I buy A YEAR'S supply now so I only have to do this once a year!

I am actually the kind of person now where I do not want ANYONE to "help" me (I guess I swung in the complete opposite direction; which is what they say about us CoD types, we're extreme, see things in black or white). I want to figure it out and do it myself. But with this house, I was (am) over my head. My exBF, despite his addiction problems would just take responsibility and do things or fix things and that eliminated a lot of my stress. But at the same time, I never knew if or when I could count on him to do things like this, or finish the job, and his Cylonic behavior created worse stress.

Anyway, I hope your daughter figures it out. How old is she?

bluegrl

L2L,
Holy shizz. Thank you so much for posting that. I am reading it like a cautionary tale and your story just puts it all in perspective for me. Don't take this the wrong way or anything, I know you are going through hell but your experience is showing me the light about my ex and the kind of future I might have if I stay with him.

Please stop torturing your spirit trying to understand the mind of an addict..especially when it comes to crack. I tried. Still trying. It's just draining and exhausting. I had a long fling with crystal and I thought I could figure him out and make him see life again on the other side which I had done for myself, but man, crack addiction surpasses it all when in comes to long term effects and mental disorders. But, the manipulating is the worst. I would get messages and texts that made NO SENSE but he still wouldn't answer or show up. It's like they are checking to make sure you still care about them, purely for their own selfish motives so they could keep on doing all the nasty sh-t they like to do.

Just let some other poor woman have him and take over your dirty work so you can REST. I bet you are exhausted. And go on a mini vacation by yourself somewhere. That's what I'm gonna do!