14 yr old niece caught with cigarettes

Old 03-12-2009, 06:45 AM
  # 21 (permalink)  
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Kj as parents that would like to have a second chance to
change our own children- advice is offered not as criticism as we have already lost the child that once was and have to deal with the child that is. I myself do not like the results of my actions that produced the son that I have now because I also thought it was a growing stage and was lenient and brushed it off.. If only I could go back to where you are now with a 14 year old and be the strength of consequences I wouldn't be here at all.

I do not take responsibility for his addiction that did start with cigarettes then to pot then to crack but I do take responsibility for looking the other way when I should have been aggressive as a parent rather than trying to be enabling..

My son will be 24 this has been a long 10 years , so to go back to the first incident and take a stand as a parent would be a gift..

Be as hard on her as she can handle at this age and she may think about other actions first before she leaps...

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Old 03-12-2009, 07:55 AM
  # 22 (permalink)  
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There's all sorts of online resources that I think are available for advice on talking with teens about smoking. At least I've seen ads and whatnot about that kind of thing. You could try that too?
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Old 03-12-2009, 10:26 AM
  # 23 (permalink)  
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i agree with catlovermi, she should know that even if it didn't belong to her, it's still not okay. If she get's pulled by a cop and they find heroin in her car that she's just "holding for someone else" you don't think they're going to take her to jail too? she's got to learn that actions have consequences, not just on a personal health level, but spiritually, morally, and legally.
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Old 03-12-2009, 12:06 PM
  # 24 (permalink)  
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I was caught smoking when I was 13 and was physically punished and grounded by my smoking parents. The only thing it taught me was contempt. It sure as hell didn't make me quit.

I understand winnie's point about it being legal at a certain age just like drinking, and I understood it when I was 13. I also understood my parents were addicted to nicotine as is anyone who has that habit. All my 13 year old mind knew was that I was being punished for their addiction.

They were hypocrites and nothing changes that. No matter the age, being punished for smoking by two smokers made as much sense as me drinking a beer tonight and getting reprimanded by a drunk.

I've quit smoking five times in my life and two of those times were during pregnancy and breastfeeding afterward. Thankfully my kids didn't smoke as minors but I was prepared if they did. Since I was smoking again, my boundaries would've been no smoking around me or my home. Violating the boundaries, though, would have lead to consequences.
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Old 03-12-2009, 04:00 PM
  # 25 (permalink)  
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show her a picture of someones lungs that smokes! I'm sure you can find them on google. that would have scared the beejezes outta me.
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Old 03-13-2009, 02:04 PM
  # 26 (permalink)  
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I can't believe the kids are still using the same old excuse which is, "I'm holding it for a friend!" My kids had so many friends they were holding things for I could have opened a store. Maybe you should ask to speak to that friend huh?

I also believe the peer pressure is really great amongst the teens. Sure wish there was a way to get through to them that cigarettes are terrible. Guess the only way I got through to my daughter was by saying, boys do not like girls who smoke because they smell like a dirty ashtray! Maybe have her smell one of those vile things.

I agree with you that cigarettes are addictive! They affect every cell in your body. I smoked for 35 years and quit in two weeks!

Good luck!

Hugs, Devastated
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